this my shit.

Fear

2008-02-02T10:05:00.000+08:00

written on 24th january, at hand grenade throw in tekong.

-Fear-

Fear

the greatest motivator

stemming from within

constricting from without.

Fear

That of the infant child

crying for his guardian

lying dead in a bath

of blood.

Fear

One of the anxious mother

as she waits at the dinner table

for the daughter

that would never come home.

Fear

That of the forlorn lover

holding onto last strands

of love that

went astray.

Fear

In the presence of danger pure

piercing the heart,

the mind, the soul

yes constricting from

without.

Fear

That of the homeless poor

and destitute

living each day, each night

by every little crumb

of hope.

Fear

One of the servant

to his Lord

obeying every command

abstaining from every sin

in the hope of a better

life beyond.

Fear

Of the soldier

carrying the body

of a fellow comrade

dodging bullets, grenades

and death,

with the small pain

in his heart

and the big one

in his chest.

And Fear

The greatest of motivators

giving strength

to the hopeless

From where fear is born

so too will courage,

hope and love.

The child that cries,

the mother that hopes,

the lover that waits,

the hunted that fights,

the destitute that earns,

the believer that prays,

and the soldier,

the soldier,

the soldier that is me.

2008-01-03T21:34:00.000+08:00

Away On National Service

end drawing near

2007-12-06T11:28:00.000+08:00

as the end of the year draws near, it doesn't take a genius to realise something:

hasn't it been only yesterday we said 'oh another year has passed', the same time last year?

if one were to picture a year as a wink of an eye, within about 60 more winks, I will no more be here, typing these words.

if one wink be a moment in time, then 60 winks be about a minute in life.

then it will all be over, lfe's up, now it's judgement for you.

how fast the time that flies, how slow the deeds of man.

"one who has, has not. One who shares, has had".

Did u know

2007-10-30T21:36:00.000+08:00

with As coming round the corner (well, just tmr.) here I am typing away at my blog. and no, im not your usual oh-he-can-make-it-one-lah kinda kid. In fact, looking at the cards in my hands, I dare say the stakes are high and the odds of winning are, well, low.

And no, that is not the point of my post today. Not about telling you guys that its okay to make exams lightly and its okay to fail or whatever. In fact its the other way round, and no one can emphasise enuff how important it is to KNOW.

And no, my friends, KNOWING, does not necessarily mug and mug your head off, but its to really understand the many things that life's got to offer. So what, if you have straight As for Amaths,Emaths,Bio,Chem,Geog,SocialStudies,Malay (for you O lvl ppl) or diploma in hairstyling from ABCPoly, if you dont understand what you learn?

Oh theres a fine line really, between studying, and learning, mugging and knowing, info and knowledge. For the former fills your head with facts, concepts and figures, while the latter brings enlightenment and understanding in life.

No, again, no im not your typical granny nagger nagging about the importance of going to school and get good grades and go to Uni and be a lawyer or doctor or murderer. (i mean, look, some doctors were guilty of molesting patients, CEOs of embezzling company funds, imams misunderstanding religion to blow others up). Knowledge is power, and with power comes your responsibility. (sounds familiar? Spiderman wont be too happy i infringed upon copyright laws).. and with power comes the responsibility to USE IT WISELY, for betterment of others.

IQRA, the first famous word God said to Muhammad.

READ, he said, in the name of thy lord who createth.

he din say, pray, he din say, mug, he din say, (god forgive me) blow others up, in the name of your lord who createth.

Lets just have a sneak preview into what this actually means. When we read, what are we doing? we are gaining an understanding of what we read, right? Like, when your friend tells you where to meet for lunch via sms, turn right, go left past MacD, take the scalator to level two and go past LJ and youll get to the kopitiam. We read the sms, we understand. we know, and we MOVE. Such is the power of reading. it translates words into thoughts, thoughts into actions.

WHen God ALmighty told us to read, He actually wants us to UNDERSTAND life in particular. Then you say, "oh and i go to school". but so what if u go to even Harvard or Haprak University yet who shove your nose in a book all year long and pay no heed to others, learning to socialise, read on things that pertain to God, go out and explore the wonders of the world and see how the Quran dictates the truth in everyday life?

Go forth, my friend, and seek the treaures waiting for you. Hidden beneath every stone in by the beach, in the formation of clouds and rivers, in the DNA of the human genome and in the music of the Ansar as they welcome the arival of Muhammad SAW to Medina.

In everyday life, in all there is, in the world itself, lies the understanding of God, and of Life. Seek no further to uncover the truth. It does not take a great philosopher or theologian to explain the purpose of life and the existence of God. All it takes is one small kid, who dares to explore and ask, and desire knowledge. (Mom, where do babies come from?) and for us to open wide our eyes and see (Look at that gorgeous sunset!) and ponder upon the question: Can anyting that beautiful exist by itself?

Surely there is a Great Mastermind behind everything.

Tell me what did I do today?

2007-10-09T15:40:00.000+08:00

Tell me what did I do today

Ramadhan

2007-09-29T21:33:00.000+08:00

Tag Replies =)

Lina: Hey thanks. EH! sorry if the other daY i called you sepet eh XD wakaka =D
Marl: Terime kasih ye sis Marl, pray for me k! Stick around =P
Zee: My blog fan XD LOL! Thanks for being you XD
Pipi: Hahahks. Terime kaseh keh Mek! Meet up soon. Rinduuu X
Jannah: URM.. so you want to bully me lah ni. better run away further. XD wil see you soon, IA!
Fana: but still im proud i was one seventh of your life XD hahaks, As lal sisterr.. pray for me k! all the best for promos results =)
Kooshkid: So far, alhamdulillah, but have yet to find the meaning in this month. cam.. tak rase sangat unlike last yer.. masih mencari erti.. lol. berbunge seh.. heh, its the As lah Kooshkid, but pray for me k! and teach me too XD

And there's 30 odd days left to the As.

tht's besides the point though. there's other more important things in life (WHAT!?)

Ramadhan was great, but I would love it if I could do the tarawih every night at mosk..

The volunteering at Madrasah Aljunied with the psix kids made me fall in love with them and their antics.

Youth Connected at Ghufran the other day was a REAL blast, Alhamdulillah.

Ramadhan is a time for brothers and sisters to spend more time with one another.

Nisfu Syaaban

2007-08-28T12:05:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was happy, happy was yesterday. Why? Cus i met my family after so long. Hahah. Yeahps, the Fityan Family..and boy was i HAPPY.

Yesterday was Nisfu Syaaban, and being the mugger that i am, enslaving myself to A Levels, i did not volunteer to help out at the runnings of the event, but still came down just to enjoy the prayers and all. Nice prelude to Ramadhan, as the main prayer hall was 3/4 filled with people, and the atmosphere was just so.. relaxing. otherwordly. okay enough of the descriptions. now lets get back to what i really wanna blog abt =D

The thing was, i met them all! From Kak Aishah to Atikah to Irsyad to Azraie to Fahmi to Ust Wan to Hamzah to Fairoz to Harun to Faris to Yan kopeng and Yan Gengster to Raudah to Liyana to Zee to Hilmi to Asrul to Mohksin to Ust Ahmad. and many more (Sorry if any name's missed out XD). I duno, it seems just like any other event, where everyone turns up but i was really glad us i returned to the place i call home (or rather my second home) after so long..

Sigh. 65 more days to the Big As, and then i can say "freedom!".

Pray for me yeah yall, and take care always.

Du'a for Love

2007-08-26T17:55:00.000+08:00

This prayer goes to all my friends, with which i cannot spend time nowadays. In turn, I spend this prayer for all of you. So take care! and Live Strong! =) Pray that I can get through the A's yeah! =D

To:

Him in whose hands lie Dominion, Knowledge, and Faith,
My God the Living and Loving God.

Teach us to be truthful, in speech and in action
Teach us to be faithful, to our family and friends
Teach us to be strong, in calamity and trouble
Teach us to be humble, in excellence and perfection
Teach us to be PROUD, of You and Your Kingdom
Teach us to be powerful, in mastering ourselves
Teach us to be patient, in adversity and tribulation
Teach us to be wise, with knowledge and wisdom
Teach us to be loving, with care and concern for others
Teach us to be loved, to let others show that they care
Teach us to be spiritual, in faith and in truth
Teach us to care, and then, not to care.

Teach, our Lord, in whose hands lie the power to Love

to Love, and be Loved.

From:

Faizal.

School bore

2007-08-17T15:14:00.000+08:00

Tag replies:

fami and zee: okay you guys can go and quarrel k while i just stick around and pretend this blog is mine. =)
JANNAH!!!: tengah mugging ah sister.. nanti kite meet k! no problem! =) just stay around! send me regards to e "rest". =)
Hanisa: Salam alaik you too! still remember you! =) k, no problem, will link you up. I hope your sister's trip to study overseas brings benefit for all! ameeeeeenn. =)

Finally got a reply from Dr Danial. Was just emailing him asking whether I could cite portions of his fantastic book Islam- the Misunderstood Religion- in my blog, and guess what! The author himself replied my email and said YES!!! but regretably I need to have the book with me (which I dont have right now) in order for me to cite anything at all. W regards to that, keep updated yeah! Will blog about really cool interesting facts about Islam and things you never knew before!

Anyways, I am currently banging on Mathematics for the time being (and putting Biology, Chemistry and Economics aside first) 'cus i've just realised i know absolutely NOTHING about math. Thank God I am right now on track, with thanks also to my tutors and friends who've been course-crashing me through topics, and lending me notes and tutorials. =)

By the ways, my A's oficially begin on the 31 st October with General Paper, roughly about 12~13 weeks counting down. Prelims begin right after the september break (which after all the work I have to do to mug and stuff there wont be any "break" for me, sadly), and honestly I am less prepared for prelims than I am prepared to wed a princess. (How I got that analogy I dont know, so dont ask. maybe it's a sad attempt to crack some funny jokes, talents for which I have discarded along with my life the moment I began this regime of mugging monkhood.)

Otherwise, school is all bore and unbearable, but thank God Almighty all the bear and boars and put under restrain with the help of friends who make going to school less of a torture and more of fun, with all the "under-table" passing around of chocolate and sweets, silent games of Bingo, and playing word games when we ought to have been doing essays.

Some of the tips I made for myself to pull me through a round day at school:

1) ALWAYS HAVE SWEETS IN YOUR BAG

you never know when you might need to start chewing something sweet and edible, after drooling so much over your test papers and tutorials (not because of addiction, but rather due to utter boredom)

2) ALWAYS HAVE A STORYBOOK IN YOUR BAG

too much notes-reading and doing homework might be a good cause for brain-damage, so for bibliophiles (bookworms) like me, do have some action-packed thriller or fantastical fictions in your bag to soothe the pain of mugging

3) SLEEP EARLY THE PREVIOUS NIGHT AND DONT EAT LATE SUPPER

i swear, by the time you get into poly/jc, most of the time we spend with our notes we spend sleeping as well, whether it be in lecture theatres, tutorials, or even during breaks. sleeping early helps sleepyheads like me to sustaing a rough day in school - and avoid sudden waking shouts into your ears from a furious teacher. ALSO, for idiots like me who have bad tolerance level for shit in the stomach (pardon the crude lang), never eat a heavy supper the night before, as there might just be a high chance your stomach start to give you shit (oh yes literally) right in the bus towards school (AND YOU DONT WANNA SHIT IN THE BUS, RIGHT GUYS!)

4) PACK YOUR BAG TO SCHOOL

i know, this age-old bad-habit of many of us - NOT BRINGING/DOING HOMEWORK -
but please, just bring them all even if you noe you din do them. at least it spares you a lil. notice i din say anything about doing any homework .. (lalala..)

5) last but not least..

Just remember to have fun! =)

the final prostration

2007-08-05T15:20:00.000+08:00

Tag replies =)

Lina: Hahahs, thanks Lina for the support! and anything just ask k, ill try to help you in math =)
Alvin: HEY! stick around yeah!
Zee: Thanks yous for the advice! I'll try to study smart +)
PiPi: Alalalaa... sho shweet.. =) KK, i wont promise, but we will soon see each other, InshaAllah k! with Kams!
Junn: Ya la.. kene muGG lahh.. kalau tak habes la. ahahks, take care, and stick around too! jgn luper dtg kpr k!
Fana: Yaaaa!! im losing it! im losing it! what? LIFE! ahahks, the last time i actually went out to lepak was, well, the last time i went out to lepak. lol. kk, wish me luck and pray for me k! thanks! =)

--- end of tag replies =( ---

Final Prostration. where that word came from i duno, but i find it sounds cool. k what it means is - the last sujud (it is when we Muslims bow down and cast ourselves face down on the ground in adoration to God) of the prayer, right before we end it with the salam.

The final prostration is special, cus unlike any other sujud, this one is promised granting of whatever you ask from God, as the Messenger (peace be unto Him) said:

'The nearest a servant can be to his Lord is when he is prostrating, so invoke (supplicate) Allah much in it."

"Ask, and ye shall be given." So pray to God, and ask Him whatever you want. =)

there's this website with real cool du'a (in ENGLISH! and arabic - for those who wanna read it in its original language) and it's good stuff. has got prayers for Victory, for Studies, for Forgiveness, for Success and many more. Go go go!

here's the webbie! go visit at: http://www.geocities.com/mutmainaa/dua.html

Prayer

2007-08-01T21:26:00.000+08:00

man, feels nice to see me tag board teeming with conversation again. okay here are the replies!

- Zee!: Thanks for sticking here even if this blog was dead (which is apparently now, alive, lol)! stick around!

- Fahmi!: miss talking nonsense with you really, seeing all i do at mosk nowadays is work work and more serious stuff. organise something fun la =)

- Lina!: Nice to see you here! Stick around too k!

- Scrazzy!: Nah amek kau, skin baru. ahahks, and.. yeah.. i dont forget our conversation we had the other time. Sure! use them k, but once i register for copyright u will have to pay like 10 bucks for every word you quote =P

- Marl!: Nuthing nice la.. just what i like doing.. other than poems im not good at anything else really. dont mention soccer. =D

- Kak A!: Thanks! we have a lot to catch up with. You get me. =D

- PiPi!: Sister! after all this while you still remember me eh! Stay happy k!

Dear God,

If committing my service to you by fulfilling my duties as a student, occupying my time with fruitful revision and study means that I have little time to spend with the people I love and the friends I cherish, then I regretfully say I would have taken a different path to the polytechnic two years ago if i had the chance to turn back time. But since I am here and it would do no justice to talk about things that will never happen, I pray to you dear God, to grant me strength in body and in mind, for me to brave this journey to success, for me to fulfill my duties to you as a student and as your servant. But dearest God, above them all, I pray to you, to keep safe my friends, keep them in my memory and my prayers, and let them know, let all the world know, that apart from you dear God any my parents, there are no other people on this earth I would love more than them. Give me time, give me this 12 weeks to get down to business and mug my heart out, and help me through this. Cus nothing else matters when I have nothing to lose, and You to gain. Ameen.

Rains of Mercy

2007-07-28T17:26:00.000+08:00

Back.

Ohh what i chore to blogg.

Must admit this - im tired.

I miss my friends. Miss the whole lot of them.

But mostuvall, I miss my bed.

And my poems.

-Harry Potter 7 is out, so those who havnt getem go getem.
-Exams are round the corner, and for Muggers like me, go Mug. (luck to all takin As this Oct)
-Haven't had time to talk to friends for a damn long time.
-Got a good talking with my college principal along with my folks.
-Hate school, hate it soooo much. HATE muggin.
-What else? Nothin more to life than school, friends, and family right?

Wrong.

Cus ive been doing some insightful insights lately, and i think im gonna work my bum hard to get what i wanna.

Oh, here's another poem for alluvyou:

This poem, entitled Rains of Mercy is one of my favourites, and I composed it on the 27th June 07, in the exam hall during one of the papers. Inspired by a renowned Turkish legendary poet, Yunus Emre's poem of Servitude to God, I wrote this one below. Each stanza (set of four lines) is a tribute to the elements of nature, with the first stanza bearing words of water (rain, wash, flood, drown), second stanze a tribute to earth (earth, dirt, rock, mountains), third stanza to wind and space, and the last one to fire.

But the core message of this poem is to always seek God in our lives, have Faith, and keep the spirit burning forever bright, forever strong - as the last line says: For the Lovers of God are ablaze. Enjoy this piece!

Rains of Mercy

Rains of mercy fall down on me
wash the years of sin away
Flood this heart with penance pure
and drown them devils today

Let all the earth bear witness
as i prostrate on humble dirt
For servitude is the way to rock
mountains of soulful hurt

May the fervent heart's whispering
cast all doubt to the winds
The clouds of faith shall carry us forth
on a journey to celestial grace

Come, my friends, let's find the flame of love
to share the brotherly warm embrace
Burn your hearts with the fire of faith
for the Lovers of God are ablaze.

-kstczykid-

The World Within

2007-06-05T16:09:00.000+08:00

(for maximum satisfaction while viewing, please turn off the irritating song on the right of this window by clicking on pause/stop on the player)

Watch it on youtube

The World Within

Invocations and advocations
Battling against my indeterminations
This message of a thousand years
Gone with the wind
Which blows from the heart of Arabia.
Futile, irrelevant, rendered worthless
Are what the world sees it as
But the Majesty of our King
Reigns over not the materialistic
Nor the intangible
But the throne of God
Resides deep within the heart
The mind
The soul
The spirit
The oneness of God revealed
As the muezzin calls to prayer
Where multitudes of men all bow
To the Shepherd, guiding us home.
One God
Not only in His nature
But also in message intended
In man manifested
As all unite and congregate
To bear witness
To none but One
Prostrating with one beat
Under one command - Allahu Akbar!
All nations, bowing to Mecca
In a global, magnificent unity
Have you not opened your eyes
And behold the beauty of our Faith?
Now i ask again
Have you not opened your heart
And let Allah guide your soul?
It is not so much in the prayers
Nor in the worldly signs of faith
Look no further to uncover the Truth
For God is not in the world out there
But deep in the World Within.

-kstczykid

soul of the seaman

2007-05-26T00:10:00.000+08:00

Pirates of the Caribbean - At World's End

Hoist the Colors

"The bell has been raised from its watery grave,
Do you hear its sepulchral tone?
A call to all, pay heed the squall
And turn your sails toward home!

Yo ho, haul together, Hoist the Colors high
Heave ho, thieves and beggars, never shall we die!"

Unanswered Love

2007-05-22T20:25:00.000+08:00

unanswered love

imploring from within
for understanding, for reason
for truth untainted
of who, why, what I am
and what, how I feel
about who, what, where you are
the questions unanswered
imprinted onto my heart
pulsating with every beat
as though alive
but really, life is twisted
love elusive
there when hateful
gone when seeking
like fire
burning savage
giving warmth
but as ashes sifted
dark as doubt
cold and hollow
thus the musings of
unanswered love

-kstczykid

The boys in my class had never been this expressive and poetic. Only today we were discussing the love life of each of us, only to be writing poems on what we feel about love. It started off with me writing random nonsense on my GP notebook, and without realising, I started to write a whole poem, and soon enough Haniff read it. Instead of just reading, he wrote a whole entire poem in reply to mine, but whose contents reflect what he thinks of the person he likes. Then the book was practically passed around among the boys and soon no one was paying attention in double GP. My friends who I have never thought to be anywhere near expressive/romantic/poetic started writing their own renditions of poems on love.

This is by Yu Quan, one among many nice ones:

Where's Love

my heart is numb
from all the pain and sorrow
scars and wounds from the past
cover my heart all over
someone poke me!
to let me feel pain
to let me feel alive
to let me feel at least something
I have no questions
I have no longings
waiting for the day
(when) warmth return to my heart
(but) til that happens
living is not meant to be

- Yu Quan of 06S304

My classmates rawk. especially the boys of the class. Haniff, Jian Rong, Jun Kwang, Yu Quan, Yisen, Me.

but then again,

really, life is twisted
love elusive
there when hateful
gone when seeking
thus the musings of
unanswered love

can someone ever answer the questions of this love?

Queen of Hearts

2007-05-20T22:26:00.000+08:00

give it up?

or rise to the challenge?

the battle of charms.

i bet you ill win that Queen of Hearts.

but with stakes rising, i dont know if i can win this game.

all i wanna do is find a way back into love.

first of every line is you

2007-05-19T11:57:00.000+08:00

just to put it simply
i love the way you smile
had i known that smile of yours
ain't that good for my sanity, then
nah, I'd rather be senile

first of every line is you.

and Gawd I hope i aint too hopeful.

but could it be love?

makes me, makes me

2007-05-11T00:03:00.000+08:00

makes me smile

makes me blush

makes me think of nothing but the cheery warm sun

makes me laugh

makes me jump

makes me jam my fist down my mouth

makes me think

makes me feel

makes me wonder how it feels

makes me keep hopin and prayin i see you round the turn

but am i imagining?

the battle between the sciences and the arts

2007-05-07T23:35:00.000+08:00

The three greatest insults that can ever be said of me:

1) That im a MUGGER

2) That im a SCIENCE STOODENT

3) That you OH SO KNOW ME VERY WELL

I marvel at the very fact that when ms Huda my GP tutor shows a documentary to the whole class regarding the absurdity of the classification of the human race according to ethnicities, skin color and superficial differences, I happen to be the only one in a science class of 25, to actually NOT have my head on the desk with drool all over the floor, sleeping in ignorant bliss.

THIS, coupled with the very evidence that my classmate-cum-good-buddy-in-class friend Haniff says that NOTHING interests me more that a GP reading on Good Governance (and causes of conflict in other governments) - basically pure boring global politics - as compared to how the very topic bores the rest of my SCIENCE student of classmates to a quarter of an inch closer to death.

Dearest God. I have an inquiry to make regarding Your Divine Predestinations.

why, why, why, am I made a boring, intellect-foraging, all-reasonings-and-rational, emotionless, unexpressive, stoical, robot AKA a science student!?

practically everyone i know who is a pure-blood scienco freako buries his/her face in a biology lecture notes (with very sparse side-notations and highlights) or into a booklet of organic chemistry lecture notes (also untarnished - as they proudly claim - by any aesthetic value, color, or form of expressionistic behaviour)

well I of course am in no rightful position what-so-eva *with that face you know, suggesting disgust, like bimbos in stereotypical chickflicks usually do* to comment what arts students really are, for i am naught but a science student just like any other Tom, Dick, Harry, Idiot, Nerd or Geek.

nonetheless i assure you. i am NOT a science freak. I abhor the idea of running the world and governing human lives and thoughts with the rationale and ideologies founded by intellect few (and god noes whether or not these theories and hypotheses they assume to be true are in fact really supported and justified by any evidence at all!) THE HUMAN GENOME PROJECT, for all the reliability and honor they get from advocating a modernistic point of view to human life, may just be a well-thought-of scam! i mean, look at the astronauts who claim they been to the moon! what a hoax. I hate the idea of having to live by with a set of values that are only deemed as right or wrong judged by nothing but the criterion that science and technology covenanted.

The arts, wait a minute, it's - The Arts with the capital A - i strongly believe has more rights to rule over human lives/thoughts/feelings/behaviour and the likes. The idea and notion that what is right and what is wrong being wrought out of the feelings and emotions from deep within, by human conscience and humanitarian consensus, ironed out not by the homogeneity that science conveniently preach that we should live by what we think rather than what we feel, strengthened by the need and desire to express the deepest of human feelings, born of a vision to make the world and expressionistic one, for the sake and benefit of mankind, is one to be regaled above all other definitions of morality.

even my aunt who teaches geography in St. Marge's was shocked to know that I am tortured to insanity in the mundaneness of a science classroom.

Look at the world today my friends, above all others whom i establish honor and prideful acquaintance with, and see how evil has struck the holy face of god upon this world. technology with all its might and power fails to deliver the world out of harm and injustice. it aids, sad to say, in the homogenizing of the human race rather than making each ethnic class distinct, special and treated with unique respect. how the atomic bomb and nuclear warfare and biological weaponries of mass extermination were invented by the hands of science and technology to eradicate the lives of innocent many on the unjustified basis that these people do not deserve to live due to differences in ideologies and ways of life. how the modern geneticists can role-play the character of god by predetermining the diseases that any unborn child can face when he grows, the time of his death and many other aspects of life laid out in black and white as if the life, the Life with the big L, is like any scientific report and worth nothing more than that.

imagine, my friends, with whom i take utmost pride and honor in making companionships with, how the world could have been otherwise - ruled and governed by the spirited and vivacious, life-sanctifying, uniqueness-adoring and the value of the human soul worshiping hands of the arts, philosophy and the humanities. the world will be void of chaos and destruction, evil and prejudice. Rather, the world will be utopia, reigned by the very source of energy from which springs forth the human soul, love, emotions and feelings, reverence towards the sanctity of life and honoring of the great creation of the world itself. everywhere you see will be beauty. will be songs and music, will be images painted in colors only the heart can see. will be men of thought and heart discussing politics as expressionistic as possible, to avoid all hidden agendas buried deep within the power-hungry soul, will be people trusting strangers in the street for all will regale the human sanctity for life, will be love from the day i was born to the day i die, as the sun journeys herself across the two horizons.

the arts, the religions, the humanities and philosophies, the study of the human life is crucial in understanding the world not as face value as how science firmly teaches, but at a deeper and more insightful level, at a stage so intellectual and thoughtful that makes even scientists shy away in embarrasment, at a level so rich with spirit and soul, love and life, viva and hayyat that makes living worth every second that God Almighty has beautifully cherished all of us here on this beautiful world with.

i warned you, i AM, sophisticated. i am not, as what you think i am.

God is the Light

2007-05-06T12:12:00.000+08:00

How great the wonder of the heavens
And the timeless beauty of the night
How Great, then how Great, the Creator?

And its stars like priceless jewels
Far beyond the reach of kings
Bow down for the shepherd guiding him home

Yet how many hearts are closed?
To the wonder of this night
Like pearls hidden deep
Beneath a dark stream of desires

But like dreams vanish with the call to prayer
And the dawn extinguishes night
Here too, are signs
God is the Light
God is the Light

How great the beauty of the Earth
And the creatures who dwell on her
How Great, then how Great, the Creator?

As its mountains pierce the clouds
High above the lives of men
Weeping rivers for thousands of years

Yet how many eyes are closed?
To the wonder of this sight
Like birds in a cage
Asleep with closed wings

But like words stop with the call to prayer
And the birds recite
Here too, are signs
God is the Light
God is the Light

How great the works of man
And the things he makes
How Great, then how Great, the Creator?

And though he strives to reach the heavens
He can barely survive
The wars of the world he lives in

Yet how many times he's tried?
Himself to immortalize
Like his parents before him
In the Garden of Eden

But like the sun sets with the call to prayer
And surrenders to the night
Here too, are signs
God is the Light Everlasting
God is the Light Everlasting
God is the Light Everlasting
God is the Light Everlasting

It's really good to hear your voice.

2007-05-03T20:44:00.000+08:00

It's really good to hear your voice, saying my name.

Dearest God,

what is this feeling?

Can it be true?

Can it be real?

Can it bloom, can it blossom,

can it return back my heart

it did rigthfully steal?

It's really good to hear your voice, saying my name.

eighteen? no way.

2007-04-21T01:23:00.000+08:00

Someone please tell me im NOT eighteen.

okay fine. face it faizal. youre eighteen and so be it. now you can do things you ~~have always been doing illegally~~ have always wanted to do like car license, watch M18, drink, smoke, gamble, party, club, make babies etc.

let's blog about today.

firstly, thank you to all the well-wishers who spammed my inbox for like forever this morning for the hordes of smses on happy birthday, doing things the legal way and the like. once again, my deepest sincerity.

secondly. i received four mugs for my birthday. and a Hong Bao from Haniff XD. Okay it's different when you get mugs on your bdae if youre not from my school than when you're a devoted student of MUGgerJC. one mug from my old pal Alvin (A tigger mug from Disney - I LOVE THE MUG BRO!), a TeaBelly Mug from Fana (Along with 17foldedstars and a paper heart with beans pasted on it - Fana. Ive never met a sweeter ~~sweetener~~ person than you, thanks a mill!!), two workaholic Starline Mugs (from my darling sisters and brothers Raudah Liyana Azrai'e and Abdillah) which came in a fluffy hot pink paperbag that looks uncannily like a corset, which they forced me to take pictures with. with all this mugs, i hope i wont turn into a MUGger. Lol

and so Shamsydar said I had to attend a meeting at 8pm tonite. Okay fine, seeing that MBQuez hasnt had a meeting for ages, why not, i thought. But the fishy thing was the rest of the team members din mention nothing abt a meeting. So Sham and I met at small Macs at Tampines Interchange. AND WE SAW NADIA. and Sham was like whispering to Nadia "Go away! He's here!" (while glancing suspiciously at my direction) and Nadia playing along said "Oh! Hello! Im meeting my friend, gottago, bye!".

I knew something was up. So upon reaching sempang bedok with Sham, I was half expecting the rest of MBQuez to be there, but guess what No, they werent. And Sham and I settled down at a table, while she hastily made phonecalls secretly to (at that point of time I din noe who) Kak Aishah.

And I was singing "Hey Hey YOU YOU where are the rest! I-I-am-am getting very hungry!" to the tunes of Avril's "Girlfriend" (which is so bloody irritating I cant seem ta get it outta ma head). And Sham was still like, "Wait.. Kak Aishah is on her way.."

And after 15 minutes or so, waiting and giving up all hopes of ever eating,..

SUDDENLY CAME A LARGE GROUP OF VERY VERY FAMILIAR PEOPLE

(Kak Aishah, Zee, Liyana, Raudah, Nadia who was supposed to meet her friend remember?, Danial, Fahmi, Yan Kopeng, Yan Gengster, and later on Ustaz Ahmad and Isa)

and I was like, WHAT THE HELL! someone please tell me im on candid camera!!

and we all had a hell load of fun, my face getting smeared with chocolate cake (thanks Fahmi for the cake and YAN FOR THE CAKE TOO, ONLY NOW ITS ON MY FACE - and gang!) with Raudah writing "Legal to do anything" on a post-it and sticking it on my teeshirt, taking photos with the rest of the fityan family.

ATE ALOT. ordered Labanese Chicken Roast and really enjoyed the food. In fact even without the food i was VERY FULL because the fun and excitement we had laughing away and just being in the company we enjoy most, plus all the laughter made me full with so much warmth and love.

i was very very touched to have a celebration with the ones i truly feel at home with. I mean, some people can have their birthdays on 20th april too, but what is great about it when you have so many people celebrating with you but none are your true friends? But all in all, i am lucky to have all my brothers and sisters at fityan to enjoy together in the fun. except Mohksen wasnt there, but he had a meeting. still we miss him. but thanks for taking part in their devious plan to make me belief there was a meeting but in fact a partay! =D

Got another bag from zinc and wallet too! (thanks Yan, Zul, Isa and Lina!! I am gonna start wearing it soon la!)

A parker pen engraved with my name on it (GORGEOUS, Dan!)

A mini stuffed spongebob (ZEE! I LOVE IT LA!)

A new pair of converse shoes by Mom and Dad

A whole lot of cash from Gramps

and coming up more from aunts who said present is still shipping over. =D

and to Kak Aishah (by which at this point this post is starting to sound like a thank you acknowledgement speech) who treated the whole lot of us to food!

and to all well-wishers, attendees, and those out there, thanks!

BUT I AM NOT GONNA ADMIT IM EIGHTEEN.

17years

2007-04-15T16:22:00.000+08:00

Friday 20th April 2007.

So ends my 17th year of life here on earth.

countdown: 5 days

statistically, almost one-third of my life has gone.

two-thirds left to go.

i cant wait for the end.

not Mugger.

2007-04-11T13:06:00.000+08:00

DONT. call me a MUGGER.

its an insult to all who has Life out there.

almost synonymous in effect of vulgarity to that of NIGGER (if you're of Afro-American lineage - or in simpler terms, Black)

or ****ER - which is a well know word of ultimate insult to all.

(replace the stars with whatever four-letter word you can possibly think of. like BARB for instance. and youll get BARBER)

or even - WHATEVER.

(how come all the words of displeasure seem to end with -ER?)

the bottom line is. never ever ever, call me a Mugger.

cus I DONT HAVE TO MUG to get good grades.

in fact, I NEVER DO GET good grades.

I can study hard. I can work late nights. I can burn midnight oil/fuel/kerosene whathaveyou.

BUT I DO NOT MUG. AND GET THAT STRAIGHT.

all i wanna do is to lead my own life.

give it back my life.

give me back what's mine.

MUGGA!

Epistles of Faizal

2007-04-10T18:51:00.000+08:00

April the tenth, 2007
1919 hours

Dearest friends/relatives of the blog owner

On behalf of the team of experts who have conspired together and brainstormed on the many ways possible to make the project a success, I would like to express my heartfelt sympathy to the closest friends of Muhammad Faizal Bin Abu Bakar, (I/C No. S8912637Z) on the latest demise of our dearest friend.

The above-mentioned person(s) died peacefully in his sleep, shortly after publishing the previous blog post.

Symptoms of death and death-causing diseases were as follow:

- emotional trauma caused by internal conflicts
- physical stress and body ailments causing multiple illnesses
- mental degradation (as if this was uncommon to Faizal)
due to anxiety, paranoia, and depression

Causes of death were:

- depression due to inability to keep up with (insane) school work
- hatred for school and other school-related issues (like CCA, if you get what I mean)
- family screw ups. period.
- social disasters, including recent break-up with friends and total public rejections (no, he did not publicly propose on bended-knees to the countergirl @ McDonalds)
- lack of finance and the drive to get a life (really, no life.)
- late nights (attempting to do the homework that were never done)
- impatience over getting over and done with with A levels. (whose existence he seemed to forget)
- inability to achieve his personal dreams.

and lastly but never the least,

- living a life that was never his

again, one behalf of the team of people who has determinedly made the death of the above-mentioned victim, I, would like to thank the special few who has dedicated their life to ensuring that the above took place with ease and success, and they are (in random order):

- School
- School staff and administration (those involved, you know who you are)
- School syllabus (A levels) (and the many ways they make your brains retard)
- Family who has controlled over Faizal's (short) life
- Family who has deprived Faizal over the freedom of expression of (warped) interests
- Family who has lacked in providing (bare minimal) support and concern over Faizal
- Relatives who had high expectations and dependence of Faizal
- Self: sky-high ambitions mortally impossible to achieve (like growing a pair of wings and fly. to the moon. for a good evening chat with the local aliens over Starbucks regarding how wonderful life can be on the moon)
- Self: internal conflicts (you do NOT want to know. really.)
- Friends who never knew how lonely Faizal ever was. (when he was on the moon)

Once again, I would like to express my heartfelt sorry and sympathy to the friends and relatives of Muhammad Fa- wait, I forgot, he never had friends nor relatives in his very short lifespan (for they all forsook him in his greatest moments of need - especially when he got rejected by the countergirl @ McDees), and to the above-mentioned parties/organisations/individuals, I would like to express my utmost gratitude for making Faizal's life a living hell on earth.

yours faithfully and ever so,

Life.

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

However, if you realise and are apparently aware that anyone mentioned in the fiction above happens to refer to you, (eg, School staff and administration, for instance), oh, dont feel guilty (which i highly doubt that you do feel the slightest hint of care in your elitist face), because really, the author cannot be bothered with your fckshit attitude. what goes around comes around. and dear, dear, sweetpie, wipe that shit off your face. enough nuzzling up ma ass?

Brother

2007-01-25T22:31:00.000+08:00

For a beloved brother, a friend, a companion.

Oh Allah have mercy on your servant. Safe him from his condition, and make him better each passing moment.

Oh Allah, let nothing happen but for the better, let nothing be done but for purpose and let not a soul be put to trial but for a testament to his IMAN.

Oh Allah, strengthen the soul, strengthen the heart of my brother Sufyan in this challenge to test his faith, and let nothing but good happen to him.

Oh Allah, we pray to you, his friends, his companions, his ikhwan pray to you for Sufyan, and make him better in body and and in mind.

In Allah let Believers put their Faith. "Wa 'Alallahi fal yatawakkalil Mu'minun".

happy bdae fahmi!

2007-01-07T11:06:00.000+08:00

to a special friend, a loved brother and a huge pain in my ass,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAHMI!!!

finally fifteen eh? ahahks, congratulations! LONG PANTS!! ahahks.

oh well, hoped you enjoyed the reunion that we held for you.

and thanks to those who graced the occassion with your very presence, with the gifts and all.

and may GOD forever bless you with the great things in life, and greater things still after that. =) ameen.

Kem Remaja Cemerlang Empat

2006-12-28T16:36:00.000+08:00

after ten thousand years of not blogging, i now come with some news. hear hear!

so many things transpired since the last time i posted.

but to recall everything, plus knowing the fact that i take forever to finish my story, will, well, take forever, i will sum my experiences up as the story of the camp that i attended with 34 other sisters and brothers whom i hold dear to myself - Kem Remaja Cemerlang 4.

my contribution to the camp was simple. the teeshirt design and the teeshirt production. tho time was not favoring us, ustaz ahmad and i managed to get the teeshirts printed on time, alhamdulillah all Glory and Praises be to Him.

reported at Mosque at 930pm on wednesday night, and assisted ustaz with the attendance taking and teeshirt distribution. met familiar faces, and made friends with those less familiar ones. new friends made, old friends kept. the atmosphere was tinged with a bit of anticipation and excitement as participants new and veteran entered the assembly area with big bulky bags and smile on their faces.

we had a bit of an icebreaker game conducted by Ustaz, and after a short briefing we prayed the traditional Solat Safar and Solat Taubah (Prayer for Travel and Prayer for Repentance) that peradventure God might protect us on our jouney to and fro the camp @ Nur Lembah Lenggong, Perak Darul Ridzuan, Malaysia, a short 14 hour bus ride from tampines. not that far.

the journey on the bus was great, as we departed off the mosque at near midnight on the 20th december, wednesday. the bus was filled with music, prayers, songs, biscuits, drinks, laughter, movie marathons and joy. we stopped a couple of times on the way there to fill our hungry stomachs and establish worship to God. a soulful journey indeed.

dawn came and we were still zooming on the highways of malaysia, and all praise to God we reached the campsite at Perak around 2pm.

we rested in the surau and basically some of us dozed off. later on we got dipatched to our bunks and had our food and all and finally nearing dusk, we started the camp proper. The instructors were excellent people, and taught us all very valuable lessons.

the participants had to write a name on a piece of paper and fold it up and put the papers in a box and then the slips of paper were redistributed. that person's name that I get was siti Amirah, a junior who happened to be in our whacky group. what we were supposed to do was to write notes to out "admirer" (and make sure that that person doesnt noe who got his/her name) and notes were to be read out loud in front of everyone during a session. very sweet.

my group Sri Embun (named after the canteen where all of us had our meals) consisted of Nadia, Ain, Hida, Amirah, Kamarul and Me. was a very, very batu grp. Rocks to the core. We endured alot of hardship together as one, felt excitement and extreme laughters together as one, cooperated and worked as a team together as one, and once, cried togther as one. there was a game that required four ppl from each grp only to partipate in a race, and since my grp was girl-majority, the girls were chosen to play whereas other grps had all-boy teams. thruout the game we failed and we were sent to the starting line again, and failed and sent again and failed and sent again, for three times, while other teams were like ten thousand kilometers ahead of us. BUT we never gave up. we moved onnnnnnn and since the other ten thousand kilometers teams started to fail and were sent to the starting line, we persevered and what seemed like a dying team of girls emerged champion and victorious among them all. all Honor and Glory belongs only to God.

then there was field cooking. we were all given like a couple of fruits and three matches as well as some rice butter and salt to cook. so naturally we were all determined to get the fire started. but within the first few minutes of the commencement of the activity, other grps already got their fire started and we were still struggling. once i felt humiliated because boys were like supposed to get fires started. felt cut deep. but we persevered. burnt everything we cld find but nuthing happened. soon the grp's morale dropped, as other teams were already cooking and cutting stuff while our team was squatting like lost ducks on a deserted island. so we sought help from the camp commandants and other teams, willing to lose points for our team.. but nothing worked. since whatever thing that we manage to cook was to be our dinner, we felt double hopeless. no fire, no food, no dinner. other teams? happy cooking happy eating. 15 more minutes to times up, and other teams' potatoes were on their way to getting cookded. our team? we were acting like potatoes squatting on our butts waiting to get cooked. hopeless. 5 more minutes to times up and you noe what? forget it. were just gonna eat the fruits raw. but we kept cheering each other up. BUT WE KEPT OUR MORALES HIGH. cmon guys dun feel bad theres sure a way round. but all that pretense of being happy din work. and so while time was up and all teasm were to present their food to be judged, we sent a pot of raw potatoes in river water and raw rice. dinner came, and suddenly kamarul who was the most naive guy in the team asked "isit my fault?" i just felt soo darn bad i cried. nadia was crying as being leader she felt bad not being able to do anything. soon everyone was like down but they kept cheering everyone up. it was very very emotional, but amidst the failure to learn field cooking skills, my team learnt the life skill of determination and perseverance, team support and encouragement, a valuable lesson above all else that the field cooking cld offer.

Sri embun, kental power!!

to list down all the activities and the games during the camp is alot. the experience? beyond words. the feeling? ecstatic. the friendship? powerful. the love? Godly. for the Love of God transcends all mutual differences.

we did:

flying fox (across river)

make our own rafts

river rafting (PURE FUN. all caution and safety thrown to the winds one by one we jumped off the raft and like plunged into the river. SHIOK!)

night trekking/solo drop ( around midnight all of us walk into the jungle where lots of scary things were said about and got the gilrs crying and dying not to go for the night trekking, and the darkness was soooo intense that you cldnt see your hand kinda thing but the stars that dot the sky was SOO magnificent! ALL glory be to God who created all that is in the heavens and the earth and all that is in between them two. then somewhere in the jungle one by one were solo dropped, mening were to stay behind as the rest moved on, and another person will be left behind while the line proceeded, and those that were supposed to solo drop were told to like sit there for sometime and brave the darkness and scariness of the night jungle. some cried like what while others, too tired to care abt ghosts and wild animals just slept soundly on the jungle floor. luckily i was among the first nine ppl in the line, and because for some reason the first nine were not solo dropped, they were instead solo dropped as a grp. lucky us. tho i wld personally wanna experience the feeling of being scared to sleep in the jungle.)

some soulful activities (where participants felt their souls inside and just, cried. dun wanna elaborate on this, cus some experiences are just more that words.)

river games

field cooking.

character building games and teambuiling games

and many more.

like i said, to recollect everything that happened, i think readers wld feel the itching urge to just click the X button on the right hand top corner of the screen.

if there was one thing above all else which i wanna say abt the camp, it would be this one thing:

To my brothers and sisters.

I am glad, no wait, ecstatic and thankful to Allah Most High for having granted this rare opportunity to attend KRC4 with the people whom I hold dearest to my heart. Some of us might be strangers beofre the camp, while others were acquaintances and a special few were, well, special to me. But as we trudged through the challanges that the camp offered, the happiness and sadness, anger and bitterness and laughters and cries, we bonded not only as friends, not only as Fityan members, not only as Brothers and Sisters but more importantly the message was clear like water, that we tied the bonds of Ukhuwwah. Because when there is this special bond that unites a Muslim to another Muslim by the special strings and ties of God, nothing will defeat us in this perilous journey of war against self, of striving for excellence and of sacrifice. For Believers will emerge Victorious. The Love that I felt during the camp, and after the camp was so collossal and immense I swear it cld move the very mountains upon which we stood during the camp. Remember our one pupose of existence - to gain Mardhatillah. and thats enough for us all. ALONE GOD is enough for us all. You have God, and you have Everything. Be on a constant strive to upgrade ourselves all the time, and observe the Laws that perchance we will be the truest Servants of Allah. May Allah bless us for our efforts to be as one, and may we continue this soulful experience that we had from the camp. last but not least, I love you guys to the core of this earth, to the furthest stars on the night where we went night trekking and "OH MY GAWD LOOK AT THE STARS!" and back.

For we shall be the ones to RAWK the face of God's earth

Faizal

KRC4 RAWKS!!!

The Godly Intimacy

2006-11-20T22:56:00.000+08:00

Say [O Prophet]: "If you love God, follow me, [and] God will love you and forgive you your sins; for God is much-forgiving, a dispenser of grace." [3:31]

The Godly Intimacy

There are many feelings in this world. Induced by the many hormones and biochemical reactions within the human endocrine system, humans get to feel what they perceive as sadness, happiness, anxiety, fatigue, ecstacy and the like.
Who then sets the limit to the number of feelings we can experience?

What if one day, a man feels a certain emotion undescribable by human language, so exotic yet so natural, so poignant yet undefined, so overwhelming but ever so subtle, but no one else would believe so?

Once, a friend of mine asked me on the topic of BGR, "Faizal, when are u ever gonna have a girlfriend?". I replied with a smile, "Do I have to?".

This, my friends, is what im trying to explain, this feeling or emotion, or rather, a soulful phenomenon that many wish to experience but only a handful deserves:

The Godly Intimacy.

Like a romance not charaterised by lustful passions or sinful desires, this closeness to God of a feeling is acompanied by sincere worship, faithful prayers and soulful passion.

Like a fondness, like a longing, like hoping that this lasts forever, like a lover pining and crying each night for the return of his love. Like a companionship bound by unwritten promises, by an almost 1500 years of wisdom and sacrifices, by an everlasting source of love.

Like when believers pray in solitude in the middle of the night in vigil, with not a single soul awake at that moment, with all that could be heard was the splitting silence of the peaceful night, without the crazy buzz of the traffic nor the busy conversations of daily work, as he seeks solace in the comfort of a Friend All-hearing, All-knowing, as he prays for protection from the evils of this world, from the traumas of relationships, dilemmas of decision-making, the stresses of schoolwork, the problems of parenting, the worries of working, confusions on crossroads, and the many thorns on the roses of Life.

Like when the faithfuls pray in congregation in the House of God in the holy month of Ramadhan, crying out loud to experience the bestowed Night of Power, as they recite the words from the Speech of God, indulging in the overwhelming power of His Book, as they bow and prostrate in perfect harmony, in unity to the King of Kings and of Servants, begging for mercy for the sins they committed, and for peace in this life and the hereafter and for God's Acceptance and the Love of God.

Those are few of the many, many ways to unlock that hidden feeling within the depths of the human heart. Yet many do not, or rather will never ever, get a chance to feel this feeling, a romance like none other, this Godly Intimacy. That is, if they are too caught up with this world, struggling and drowning against the cruel currents on the river of life. Seek His Pleasure, His Love, and soon enough you will feel that like none other. Alone God is enough for me. To the friend with that question about that BGR thingy? I can only say, "The romance I seek, is like nothing on earth."

"..For such He has written Faith in their hearts, and strengthened them with a Spirit from Himself. And He will admit them to Gardens beneath which rivers flow, to dwell therein (for ever). Allah will be well pleased with them, and they with Him. They are the Party of Allah. Truly it is the Party of Allah that will achieve Felicity." [58:22]

Unfolding A Rose

2006-11-18T10:29:00.000+08:00

Unfolding A Rose

qisas.com

A young, new teacher was walking with an older, more seasoned teacher in the garden one day. Feeling a bit insecure about what Allah had for him to do, he was asking the older teacher for some advice. The older teacher walked up to a rosebush and handed the young teacher a rosebud and told him to open it without tearing off any petals. The young teacher looked in disbelief at the older teacher and was trying to figure out what a rosebud could possibly have to do with his wanting to know the will of Allah for his life and ministry.

But because of his great respect for the older teacher, he proceeded to try to unfold the rose, while keeping every petal intact... It wasn't long before he realized how impossible this was to do. Noticing the younger teacher's inability to unfold the rosebud without tearing it, the older teacher began to recite the following poem...

It is only a tiny rosebud,

A flower of Allah's design;

But I cannot unfold the petals

With these clumsy hands of mine.

The secret of unfolding flowers

Is not known to such as I.

ALLAH opens this flower so sweetly,

Then in my hands they die.

If I cannot unfold a rosebud,

This flower of Allah's design,

Then how can I have the wisdom

To unfold this life of mine?

So I'll trust in Allah for leading

Each moment of my day.

I will look to Allah for His guidance

Each step of the way.

The pathway that lies before me,

Only Allah knows.

I'll trust Him to unfold the moments,

Just as He unfolds the rose.

the Sunday i escaped reality.

2006-11-11T15:20:00.000+08:00

almost a week. but last sunday seemed a lifetime away.

to all that were involved in that short drama, i owe my life to you.

calling you guys 'friends' - just an understatement.

TheHolyQ 2:286 - "Allah does not impose upon any soul a duty but to the extent of its ability.."

La yukallifullahu nafsaan illa wus'ahaa.

oh Sustainer of Faith, sustain me my strength and keep my faith unto You, and make no event pass in the lives of me and my brothers without making us ever stronger in our belief and our mission, ameen.

that Sunday will make me strong.

and best of all, unite me to my companions closer.

i can feel it.

to my father, forgive me.

beautiful women

2006-11-04T00:39:00.000+08:00

A Letter to The Culture That Raised Me

By: Yasmin Mogahed
IslamiCity

Growing up, you read me the Ugly Duckling. And for years I believed that was me. For so long you taught me I was nothing more than a bad copy of the standard.

I couldn't run as fast or lift as much. I didn't make the same money and I cried too often. I grew up in a man's world where I didn't belong.

And when I couldn't be him, I wanted only to please him. I put on your make-up and wore your short skirts. I gave my life, my body, my dignity, for the cause of being pretty. I knew that no matter what I did, I was worthy only to the degree that I could please and be beautiful for my master. And so I spent my life on the cover of Cosmo and gave my body for you to sell.

I was a slave, but you taught me I was free. I was your object, but you swore it was success. You taught me that my purpose in life was to be on display, to attract, and be beautiful for men. You had me believe that my body was created to market your cars. And you raised me to think I was an ugly duckling.

But you lied.

Islam tells me, I'm a swan. I'm different-it's meant to be that way. And my body, my soul, was created for something more.

God says in the Quran: 'O mankind, We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another (not that you may despise each other). Verily, the most honored of you in the sight of God is the one who is most righteousÓ (Quran 49:13).

So I am honored. But it is not by my relationship to men. My value as a woman is not measured by the size of my waist or the number of men who like me. My worth as a human being is measured on a higher scale: a scale of righteousness and piety. And my purpose in life-despite what the fashion magazines say-is something more sublime than just looking good for men.

And so God tells me to cover myself, to hide my beauty and to tell the world that I'm not here to please men with my body; I'm here to please God. God elevates the dignity of a woman's body by commanding that it be respected and covered, shown only to the deserving-only to the man I marry.

So to those who wish to 'liberate' me, I have only one thing to say:

Thanks, but no thanks.

I'm not here to be on display. And my body is not for public consumption. I will not be reduced to an object, or a pair of legs to sell shoes. I'm a soul, a mind, a servant of God. My worth is defined by the beauty of my soul, my heart, my moral character. So, I won't worship your beauty standards, and I don't submit to your fashion sense. My submission is to something higher.

With my veil I put my faith on display-rather than my beauty. My value as a human is defined by my relationship with God, not by my looks. So I cover the irrelevant. And when you look at me, you don't see a body. You view me only for what I am: a servant of my Creator.

So you see, as a Muslim woman, I've been liberated from a silent kind of bondage. I don't answer to the slaves of God on earth....

I answer to their king.

FMSA jlnraye!~

2006-11-02T20:10:00.000+08:00

greetings earthlings. mwahahaha. okay cut the crap faizal =)

WHAT!? - FMSA jalanraya!!~
WHERE? - meet at FMSA lor!
WHEN? - Sunday. 5th November, meet at 8am =) end at about 10pm. XD
HOW!? - we're all travellin by van!!!
WHO!? - visiting exco's house, but all can tAg AlOnG!! ~
WHY!? - cus IM goin, Youre goin and EvRyOnE's goin! =D

SO!! call me, acap or farhan (for guys) and nad or jannah (for gurls) if you wanna come along!

dress to your nines, tens and elevens, and showcase the best baju raye that you haf!!

so watcha waiting for? call us now, and we're sure to have one helluva loadsa fun this jalan raya! woots!

brought to you by: Fellowship of Muslim Students' Association Executive Committee =)

personality test

2006-10-31T00:12:00.000+08:00

A recent personality test i took. its based on colors, like they present to you about 8 boxes of different colors, and you'll have to click them one after the other, based on choice eg: which one u like first. then they will make u redo the test after 2 minutes of pause, and you must try to reclick the same things again. test available at http://www.colorquiz.com/

amazingly true, about me.

here are some of the results i got from the test:

Your Source of Stress

"Has lost the resilience and strength of will necessary to contend with existing difficulties. Feels overtaxed and getting nowhere, but continues to stand his ground and still pursues his objectives with a fierce intensity. This subjects him to intolerable pressure from which he wants to escape, but he cannot bring himself to make the necessary decision. As a result he remains firmly involved in the problem and can neither view it objectively nor get rid of it--he cannot leave it alone and feels he will only be at peace when he has reached his objective."

This is like so true. Those who knew how much i gave up for my promos would understand this paragraph. Also, the will to follow what my heart speaks, fights on intensely altho i have settled down to staying in MJ. the wanting to get out rages on.

Your Actual Problem

"Has a fear that he might be prevented from achieving the things he wants. This leads him to employ great personal charm in his dealings with others, hoping that this will make it easier for him to reach his objectives."

My dad once told me that i feared failure more than anything else. Yes its true, and as stated above in the test results. Me head says i must cope with failure and make it turn into a stepping stone to success, but the ever-so-contradicting, ambiguous heart says i hate to embrace failure. The "employ great personal charm" part, hmm.. maybe? =) you be my judge!

Your Actual Problem #2

"The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond his capabilities, or reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. He attempts to escape into a substitute world in which things are more nearly as he desires them to be."

Daydreaming, slipping into wild imaginations, always thinking about the ideal future, always thinking, thinking, thinking tho some ppl like kak aishah will say im never using my brains.. are some of the things i love to do since young. why?

i think i gotta starta learn ta use my brains.

priorities

2006-10-26T20:06:00.000+08:00

when ramadan is a vessel and her blessings are the jewels, i missed it when the ship departed the harbor and left me for a year.

oh i miss the senstaion ramadan gave me, the blissful calm that washed me in torrents everynight i attend the service at mosk, the constant reminder against myself to remind me and others to always keep ourselves in check, to lift ourselves to God.

oh i miss those moments when i surrendered my heart and my soul to my Creator.

the thought of failing to experience the promised Night of Power.. sad.

the nights when i meet my friends for service at mosk, everlasting.

and happy eid mubarak (another term for hari raya for those who dunno =D)

to everyone. =)

i got my results for promotional examinations 2006 already.

and im advacned to year two.

funny, no? when i never studied at all, managed to scrape thru and promote? funny, no? when i prayed to God for the best of decisions, He pointed all signs to continuing JC? funny, no? when at this last year after Os i was torn between JC and poly, but my heart said i go JC?

funny, no? the way God plans his great works for the lives of men?

im at a crossroads to decide between my initial plan to withdraw to poly, and my second option to stay another year.

poly

- a breath of new life
- freedom to choose subject of interest
- more time to dedicate to my Mission work
- more relaxed environment

X harder to get to uni
X might be a rash decision
X might seem as if i gave up on JC
X waste alot of time and money on JC

- direct route to uni

- shorter time spent

- already had the foundation

- already given the chance to continue

X alot of hardwork

X risk of not making the mark for As

X sacrifice one year of not doing Mission work

i have three weeks to make my final decision.

i have confided in a few companions.

i have prayed to God for strength.

i have surredered my life to Him.

and ive made my final decision.

guys, you'll see me in MJ next year.

Youth In-Charge

2006-10-20T00:04:00.000+08:00

when trying to please two opposing parties, sitting on the fence will make your butt hurt like hell. so you let the fence open and allow the two to meet, hence reconciliating them both. but its so hard to get off that fence of judgement.

i remembered almost 22 months ago, on a fateful January 2005, i was given birth into the world of volunteerism, humanitarian work, and youth activism.. at that point of time, i did not noe the prospect of things to come, what would be of me, my destiny..

i was a meek sit-alone in-a-corner kid at that point of time in the orientation for noobies, but luckily there was this Brother who initiated a conversation with me, and hence i met the first friend, who then became my role model, and progressed to becoming my comfort zone, and then my mentor, in my new life as a da'i. i was indeed Blessed to have brother Mohksin..

back then, the faizal i knew found it very hard to attend the activites mainly because he couldnot get along with the syababs.. he confided in ppl.. like Kak Aishah.. and was soon growing attached to Fityan Ghufran, which very soon became his other-home, other-family, his blood. Ustaz Ahmad took him into his confidence, and eyed me as a potential leader..

it took me great consideration and pains to attend the activities, but never did once i rejected an invitation.. be it gatherings, barbecues etc..

bit by bit, the ice broke, and after 22 months, the ice finally melted and evaporated.

To recall what transpired at YIC would be very taxing, since im very bad at recollecting memories..

but i learnt a great deal of leadership.

- its never easy to reconcile two parties, but theres a reason why they approached you.

- with great power comes even greater responsibility

- self-reflection is VERY important. you might never know where u faltered, until you rethink and rethink of what happened.

- never lose faith, because your sisters and brothers will always be there to push you up and higher

- love, and be loved. i learnt the word Love in fityan deeper during YIC.

- always question your Niat or Intention to be on this path as a Da'i/Khalifah, and seek the meaning in prayers

last but not least

- when our hearts are aligned to God, then untiy will arise, and the beauty of doing God's mighty works on this earth will prove as beauty in everything else in life.

To ALL that were involved in the making and enliving of YIC 2006 - Ustaz Ahmad, Aishah, Helfy, Helmi, Hamzah, Fahmi, Ishak, Fathi, Zikry, Raudhah, Nadia, Liyana, Isa, Khairul, Azraie, Farzana, Haza, Fairoz, Khadija, Nazihah, Hanis, Khushairi, Isha, Farid, Syazwan, Suhailah, Nabila, Acap, Sarina, Jannah, Atiqah, and everyone that were in one way or another contributing to the roaring success of YIC

my deep-hearted gratitude to all of you for your faith and support, effort and hardwork.. and sincerest of apologies should there were any friction between anyone at all..

Someone once told me. Ramadhan is like a ship, bearing jewels to the brim. It comes and docks itself at our harbor every year, calling out to everyone to come to the ship and grab all the gems and jewels. pity, little do men know.. ramdhan departs at the end of the month and promises to return again next year, with the many jewels, but its about whether we can make it again to see it next year..

my brothers and sisters, do make full use of the last few days to seek God's forgiveness and His promise of the Night of Power.. Let the soul in you revive and rejoice in evocation of the Lord Almighty, for He hears even the whipers of your hearts. Pray for forgiveness, mercy, blessings, faith, constancy, guidance and light, and above all, pray that you will be able to see ramadhan and her jewels again next year.. ameen.

Promos: Results

2006-10-16T13:22:00.000+08:00

23.75%
-mathematics-

33.50%

-biology-

29.00%

-chemistry-

34.00%

-economics-

62.00%

-general paper-

promotional examinations 2006

liberation

2006-10-07T00:51:00.000+08:00

exams E-N-D-E-D.

came in late for maths exams today. woke up late. and the gurl next to me in the exam class obviously cldnt be bothered animore, she slept half thru the paper. when she woke up, i saw her, she looked at me, and she went back to sleep again. then i went to the toilet for 15 minutes. cldnt wait for the agonising 2.5 hours long paper to end.

JC is Just Crap. geddit?

BUT THANK GAWD FOR PPL LIKE THESE

Omar. Nad. Jannah. Me

i love you guys.

and all my friends.

died, may his soul rest in peace.

2006-10-04T18:49:00.000+08:00

this is not me. the one who stared for 45 minutes during bio exams this morning, wasted 20 marks because he din do section C and sat there doing nothing is NOT the faizal you know.

the one you knew, is one who would NEVER give up.

now he's gone

died waay before promotional exams.

may God rest his soul in peace.

choice or incapibility?

2006-10-03T22:19:00.000+08:00

before proceeding, please make it a point to read every word of this. in these times of need, words are all i have. enjoy.

this is it. the end has just begun. yesterday was the start of it all and it kicked off with a GP paper in the morning, and Economics in the noon. the last few days preceeding (the final year exams/ promotional examinations/ the end of my shit life in MJC), i was the epitome of blissful ignorance and tranquility. i din flip a page to study at all. rented VCDs, go to town, hangout with friends, chatted online, frequented the night services at mosk, and all the jazz. honestly man.

but i see myself as superficial, typing all this. not in the position to comment, i feel like the next door neighbour earnestly reporting to the media abt the murder that happened in my backyard. because one thing is, im adamant and strongheaded already on switching to the poly system AKA a new breath of life, so i din mug, and then, i cant be in the shoes of a man who battled his way thru the lecture notes and then proudly declare the white flag. whereas for me, im the coward who sat at the back of the troop, and hide within the armors and shields of the warriors before me, and delcaring doom upon us all. or so i make myself believe.

qiqi wrote a note for me, tied to a lollipop - "Faizal. Its not the end of JC Life from the moment that you've decided to go poly. you have spent 9-10 months in here and you jolly well not waste it. prove it that it is your choice to quit mjc and not because of your incapibility. you can do it faizal! <3>

the note was tied to the lollipop, not me. pardon my poor standards of english.

like i said, it was never, ever a year wasted. ive learnt so much abt things, friends, life, leadership in my short stay in mjc, that its worthwhile to have chosen the JC over poly a year back ago. then again, i fear what qiqi said might be true. a few of my friends said, "faizal why dun u give it your best shot, and when you enter poly you can proudly say you aced your promos and still opt to get out of that shithole to pursue whatever it is you wanted".

i thought so too.

then again, with the last few days lingering to herald the message of the coming of the End Of Year Exams (note the emphasis on the capital letters - some ppl think their Life Revolves Around School), there wasnt much to be done, cus last minute attempts to dig out the dusty lecture notes and squeeze them into my non-existent brains would not be any good idea.

so i succembed to the although-tempting-yet-relevant-to-my-case idea to forget abt studying and concentrate on all other stuff.

enuff abt the to-mug-or-not-to-mug shit. lets talk abt the more interesting part of my life! exams. -.- okay i had GP, as stated earlier, in the morning yesterday. i was sooo tired and sleepy cus the night before i happened to be on the fone with urhm, someone. duh. okay ya back to the topic, so i entered the classroom late, at abt 8.05 am in the morning, five minutes late for the paper. the students have begun writing ferociously on the paper, and i was strolling in. the teacher straight away registered somewhere in the crannies of her brain that i had a chronic psycho-medical condition that does not have any form of cure, which is, SAP - serious attitude problem.

after draaaggging out the chair and break the reverend silence of the classroom, i sighed out loud and settled down. serious attitude problem. and then, i chose a topic to write and wrote all the bullshit you could see coming out of me. The topic - "The Truly Educated Man is One Who Appreciates the Arts, discuss." I wrote of Leonardo da Vinci, his signature Vitruvian Man, Salvador Dali, quoted some famous words from the Renaissance period and ended my essay with a proverb. if there were ever a paper that i passed, i think it wld be GP. sorry guys, but that wld be my only EVER pass in my short history of the effed-up JC education.

during econs however, since it was in the hall and i was already sleepy, and the airconditioning wasnt doing any help, i slept thru half of it. the other half i was busy smoking the answers, and another half of the time (wherever that came from) i wrote a poem. yeah, had that so much time:

Dreams are cast in a man's strong hold

the leprechaun lost his pot of gold

chasing rainbows to no avail

man forever treads on lost man's trail

Dreams are born of dark desires

the glorious sun the star admires

man is doomed - in time he's lost

in prisons, shut off by Desire's doors.

i intend to continue the poem, but when that time comes, i dont know. but what im still thinking about is the note that qiqi gave me. of choice, not of incapibility. of desire to reincarnate into the poly, not because of a fall, a failure. i choose to believe that i have not failed. i can get my A's if i work hard enuff, but i dun wanna waste two years of life forced to do something, compelled to commit to a goal not born out of my own desires. i wanna lead a balanced life (sounds like a Health Promotion Board slogan) to still study, get into Uni, and still do what i want in life. not spend two years like a robot, a worker of the factory called JC. in poly i still have the chance to get the Uni i want. i got decent L1B4 grades, so no probs i guess? Only God knows where ill be heading from here on.

i still have Bio, Chem and Maths to go. Exams is, by now you wlda guessed, the last on my list of importance. no guys, this is not NOT not the way to think, but circumstances point me towards thinking that way, considering the decision ive made. one - if i aced my promos (or pass decently) and withdraw from J2, i wld make it to poly proud and victorious. two - if i failed like no ones business and get KICKED out of school - what is victorious abt that? - i will work my lazy ass so hard ill get top 5 in class everytest and get my access to uni after three yrs. no hurry there. then i can, one year from now, call my JC teachers and tell them how successful i have became in poly, and i will reread the note qiqi gave to me one year back from one year ahead of now, and paste a cheesy smile on my face and proudly say, "yes, out of choice, and not out of incapibility", and return the note back to where ive started keeping it, in my wallet, now and always.

family reunion

2006-10-01T00:06:00.000+08:00

yesterday had a nice day. firstly, went to school, and had a consultation with math teacher. then saw nadnad and we crapped alot. after seeing her attempts to get a non-existent discman, i went to maulana for friday congregations at raffles place and IT WAS SO JAMPACKED i was praying with izad in the ablution room! we had to prostrate on the wet floor. OH gawd, really tested our faith. after that went to Macs and sat there while waiting for Kamal, who called me soon after. so we started our informal meeting there and then. after alot of crapping, kamal and i took a stroll down boat quay, cus there was an exhibition of Salvador Dali's Surrealistic art sculptures, and i was mesmerised by the symbolism and methaporical double entendres hidden (or not, if u can figure) within the art. some of them are:

Homage to Newton. This sculture symbolises the clarity and openness of mind and of heart as shown by the empty space in the sculpture's chest and head.

Horse saddled with Time

Unicorn

After admiring the artwork displayed by the quay, we sat down for a while and chatted away about crappy stuff, and some deep issues.. till we saw a crab floating on the waters.. he was upside down, so kamal suggested i save my "bestfriend" (since im CraP and the CraB is hence my bestfriend).. so we went into the waters at boatquay and scooped the crab out and put him rightside up, and yeah... he went away happily ever after..

after enuff crab/crap-ing, we returned back to macs where the rest of the gang was there.. acap and raudhah were there.. so we dicussed abit, and we went back to maulana for asar after which we walked down the quay, crossed cavanaugh bridge and into Victoria Concert Hall vicinity, crossed the roads and headed down the roads where they had the memorial wall bearing the words "Our Glorious Died" or sth lyk tt. and we went past the fountain of tan kim seng.. and took the mrt there towards orchard. walked abit arnd there, crapping along the way and laughing out loud.. went to Anatolia.. the Turkish restaurant.. at Far East Plaza.. ordered a cow for iftar (break fast) and it was 6.20pm, so while waiting for sunset (break fast) we discussed further the project that the group was organising.. after a short while Muslimah came.. and we crapped aLoT more.. and soon we had iftar. the kebab was BLOODY nice, damn juicy.. AND OH MY GOODNESS THE APPLE TEA. holy cow the apple tea was SO remeniscent of the times i had in Turkey the country itself.. argh.. good old times.. i was P4 back then.. lol.

after quite some time feedza came.. so now we have Izad, Acap, Raudhah, Kamal, Me, Feedza and Imah! woooots! Almost complete committee was there! yayyy.. so we ate ate and ate! so fun! more details can be found at http://nhs-confidentialz.blogspot.com Feedza's blog. =D

So after that we rushed to do maghrib at some staircase landing.. kau we went into the toilet right smack in the shopping center and got out all wet with whudhu' and the 7 of us lintangpukang macam lipas kodong cari tempat sembahyang. like, we were using the qiblat compass, and rushing to get a place.. macam terrorist nak bomb the mall.. serious, tak bedek!

after that we went to the mcafe outside the mall and we wrapped up our meeting, and proposed to meet again at town next sunday.

THANKS FOR A WONDERFUL DAY OUT PEOPLE! XD

this is a video of me making a fool of myself. was tryina buy turkish ice cream but that turk was trying to trick me into grabbing the icecream. ARGH!

numbers threatened

2006-09-30T23:46:00.000+08:00

To my 4th council, yes, we begin as 35. after all the trouble, sad to say there wont be 35 anymore for long. ill be sad to step down not with all of you.

Ben wrote in his blog:

A Team of 35

"A team of 35,

we got together.

A team of 35,

we were recognised.

A team of 35,

we trudged through the months.

A team of 35,

we faced crititism as one.

A team of 35,

we faced hardships like no other.

A team of 35,

our friendship was tested.

A team of 35,

we supported each other.

A team of 35,

we soon face another hurdle.

A team of 35,

our number is threatened.

A team of 35,

it might be less next year."

God grant me strength.

ignoring the heart that speaks so loud

2006-09-28T23:48:00.000+08:00

class of 06. first-intakers - at sentosa. the legendary KaoBeh Clan 06S303.

teacher's day - the class of 06S304. the love of my life that i had in JC. Is this what is meant by "ignoring the heart that speaks so loud"?

i love these words so much. shiqi no one else coulda expressed that into words better than you.

shiqi: "faizal, the head of public affairs, i adore your courage to believe in yourself and made decisions that truly followed your heart. pain and regret are common in life. but wherever you turn, they're always near. maybe its the mistake you made by following the crowd, ignoring the heart that speaks so loud. but when two roads diverged, and you took the one less travelled by... that has made all the difference in your life. goodbye my dear friend."

lord grant me strength, in mind and in spirit, as i journey this new phase of my life. let not my friends be just another memory, but a living testimony of the love we shared and the times we had, and make lasting these friendships ive forged in JC and keep my friends close to me oh gawd. i beg You, by this holy month, please. innaka samee'ud du'aa. ameen.

i wont forget you.

will you remember me?

terawih

2006-09-28T17:44:00.000+08:00

on the first terawih i went with Shafiq. hey dood, all the best for your A's yeah! unlike me, i cant even smell year two from here.. so u must give your all for your A's! its gonna be overr in a like 10 week so yaH!.. ahahks... mochen was there oso, tho he was late we got separated. he was praying somewhere at the back. the first terawih the mosk was SO packed there werent enuff space.. like there were thousands of ppl.. gawsh. yesterday met up with jannah after teraweh.. bual mepek.. ahahks.. gerek jugak ah.. XD

Got tagged by PiPi. XD terime kaseh ah!

3 names you go by
1. Faizal
2. Feizao
3. Abang Faizal

3 physical things you like abt urself
1. Height
2. Shoulders
3. My very versatile hair

3 physical things you dislike abt urself
1. My babats
2. My fingers
3. -

3 parts of my heritage
1. Malay
2. Chinese
3. Indian
4. So im a Chingay lah?

3 things u cant stand
1. The sitting. You know, I cant stand when im sitting right? lawl.
2. Very insensitive ppl
3. Crossroads

3 things that scare you
1. Loss of a close one.
2. Loss of a family member
3. Loss of a friend.

3 of your favourite shows
1. Spongebob Squarepants
2. Teen Titans
3. Totally Spies

3 of your favourite animei
1. Advent Children
thats all. i dun watch animei much

3 of ur current favourite songs
1. Collide - Howie Day
2. Savin Me - Nickelback
3. Wild Horses - Natasha Beddigfield. (dont laugh. its nice okay. what i call "liberating".)

3 movies you can watch over and over again
1. Pirates of the Caribbean The Black Pearl and Dead Man's Chest
2. The Lake House
3. Superman Returns
4. Memoirs of a Geisha
5. White Squall
6. The Host.

Sorry i cant count. too many fab movies.

3 movies you would like to watch
1. A sequel to Pirates, if theres any
2. A sequel to Sperman Returns
3. The Covenant (coming soon)

3 things you are wearing right now
1. White pants
2. White tee
3. Blue Undies

3 things you want in a relationship
1. Boy
2. Girl
3. Love

3 physical things of the opposite gender that attract you
1.The Smile
2.The Hair
3. The Touch

3 bad habits
1. Late for EVERYTHING
2. Walk very fast
3. Spend too much
4. Bad time management
5. Mood swings

3 of ur favourite hobbies
1. Spend time with friends
2. Eat
3. Read
4. Watch movies
5. Hangout, TALK!
6. Walk by the sea. *sigh*

3 things you wanna do badly right now
1. Meet my friends.
2. Get out of school
3. Go on a vacation with my family/friends

3 careers u are currently considering
1. Social worker
2. Literature teacher
3. Video game seller

3 kids name u like
1. what kids name? do kids change names when they grow up? oh maybe they should. imagine being called boboy till like, youre getting married.
2. Hanis, Amsyar, Jannah (my siblings)

3 places u wanna go on vacation
1. Maldives
2. Mecca
3. Turkey
4. Switzerland
5. Japan
6. Spain

3 things u wanna do before u die
1. be prepared enuff to meet the Lord.
2. travel the world over
3. show everyone how much they mean to me.
4. get a family. spoil my wife, pamper my kids, love my parents.
5. spend every living moment of my life with YOUYOUYOU.

3 ways that u are stereotypically
1. irriatating (tho there is NO substantial evidence to prove so)
2. talkative
3. crappy. ah, this one yes. XD youve got to experience to know!

3 crushes
1. her
2. her
3. her.. what do u expect? me to tell you? ahahks fat hope.

3 ppl u wanna tag
1. mochen. but pipi tagged him already. so yah
2. nadia
3. jannah
4. nadira
5. zul
6. alvin!

yeah i apologise once again for not being able to count. XD good day yall.

A friend's Prayer

2006-09-25T00:40:00.000+08:00

shiqi: "pain and regret are common in life. but wherever you turn, they're always near. maybe its the mistake you made by following the crowd, ignoring the heart that speaks so loud. but when two roads diverged, and you took the one less travelled by... that has made all the difference in your life. goodbye my dear friend."

from Zul's blog. thanks bro, and i think im gonna miss u to hell.. :

"ouhwell.. i hope you'll be happy with your decision and not regret later down the road. just study hard still, ace your general paper, they might just put you to year two of mass comm. so smiles friend. i understand and respect your decision, although many of us would prefer if you had decided to stay on with college studies. i might not cry for you infront of the podium or while i'm shitting translating the chorus of a song. but do know i still care for you as a good friend in mj altogether. but yeah, your promos is the deciding factor so don't lose all your hope. haha, after all, you are a muslim soldier. so cliched, but we'll all tawakal banyak-banyak this fasting month and insyaAllah He will guide us along to wherever we're supposed to be.

(more posts)..

talking about dying. it's funny how people link faizal's little actions to be suicidal. sucidal, yes - like wth? poor guy. he was laughing his ass off la. people make him look so pathetic like that. come on la, you think he'll jump down over anything? he's religious, he'll do no such thing, so don't anyhow crap funny things over his little actions."

now do u see why i cant bear to leave MJ?

two days of ramadhan has passed. during the night service (terawih prayers) i prostrate to God Almighty and asked for the best of Choice and Direction. "Oh Allah, please please please grant me Guidance and Light.. For the best of decision-Makers is You.."

hu knows what the best decision is for me? poly vs JC? no one knows..

dont make me cry again.

shiqi in her blog. the first person i spoke to in MJ life.

"the first thing i saw siauling just now she told me bout what happened in school this morning. and the news of faizal leaving for poly... really hope he dun regret his choice. we've been friends since the first day of school. i remembered the first person i knew was him. he borrowed a staple from me. we become very close friends during first three months and i really enjoyed the time we went out tgt and all the class gatherings. orientation as ogls and all the crap in class. made ms low blew her top. haha. for the pass few months we have been council mates and im so proud of you for putting in the effort to practice the dance for teachers' day. i know some teachers have been criticising our item but in the end i think it was the best performance of the day. really glad that you accepted our offer to be in the dance and thou i've been hoping we can work tgt again next year i wish you all the best for your future endeavours.

faizal, the head of public affairs, i adore your courage to believe in yourself and made decisions that truly followed your heart. pain and regret are common in life. but wherever you turn, they're always near. maybe its the mistake you made by following the crowd, ignoring the heart that speaks so loud. but when two roads diverged, and you took the one less travelled by... that has made all the difference in your life.

goodbye my dear friend."

With every end a new beginning. But who ever said this was the end? my friends, we will still rawk the earth, just haf faith in our friendships..

behind each cloud, a silver lining. with every end a new beginning.

2006-09-23T15:16:00.000+08:00

"if there were any reason at all, any, for me to still stay in MJ, it would be you. but sorry guys, i have to take my leave.."

here onwards, begins the story of the end.

yes, im smart. yah im talented. yes ive got potential. so what? so what if all the teachers said that? i dun even think or believe its true, like what the hell. im furious.. i cant seem to get things in my head. my style for learning is not JC.. i cant be forced info into my brains.. even if i were to stay i wld change to the arts stream.. what a big mistake.. even if i wanna do A levels i wld change to other JC.. but i cant, and i wanna pursue my dreams.. no one said going to poly is bad.. i can answer everything in class, great at my GP and good at smoking away in the papers.. but i am not motivated to continue at all.. its reaching the end, and true i shouldnt give up, but theres very little i haf left to do.. here begins the story, of the end.

yeah true i had been thinking it thru and thru. but what started the whole thing was one fateful day in september, wednesday 200906. i left my sim card at home, and so happens that i left school straightaway when my day ended at 1255pm for darussalam at clementi. to meet up with kamal and izad for a discussion on a future project. so happens that Mr Ng my form teacher had to call me for me to hand in a superimportant document called the EOM by that day but he cldnt reach me obviously cus my sim was at home. so he called my dad (and how he got his number i duno) and so my dad said i wasnt at home and mr ng said i want in school either. since both thought that i was mentally and emotionally unstable the past few weeks due to promo-stress, my dad got my sim card and plugged it in and called the few random ppl he saw on my contact list. qiqi got called and was asked by dad whether i was with her. so she said no, and she called ben and valerie, and called wanchin to get alvin and denan numbers and called them. somehow the teachers in school got to know abt this and mr yeow and mr hon and mr wong chee choy got to know abt this. mr wong told qiqi to go arnd school and look at inconspicous places for a sign of a dead body. and mr yeow and mr hon almost went to pasir ris library to look for me. cmon man if i was suicidal i wldnt go to the library of all places to kill myself right. like what, read my lecture notes to death? altho that wldnt be impossible looking at the state of my education.

so apparently while i was blissfully ignorant outside without any means of communication, the ppl i mentioned were hectically calling everyone to ask where i was, and kept calling home to see if i had reached home until i reached at 11pm. my parents were worried sick and the teachers finally got some rest and qiqi din study at all the whole day thinking of me. when i reached home my parents asked me where ive been to and started scolding me.. i was kinda upset and due to all the built-up stress within me i started bawling like a small kid in front of mom and dad.

i swear it was the best feeling i had in years, crying like that. they asked me whether i had any problems in school and i let everything out.. i told them i wanted to go poly, and the, before this kinda detested my idea of changin school, finally relented. the only reason why i dun wanna is bcos i might not be able to accept my failure of going thru one yr in jC.. and finally i made up my mind, amidst tears and all, to shift to poly...

the next day, when i reached school, i saw mr ng calling me after assembly and we went straight to the conference room, and i sorta kena counselling by ms wong mei lin. they were bein nice, and adviced me not to regret my decision, that there are many jc students who went to poly and prospered, that my decision to go to poly wasnt becus im dumb or what but because the education system in jc doesnt suit my learning, that there is NO HURRY at all, so one extra yr doesnt kill, and theres no failure in going to poly, that it IS NOT one year wasted. i repeat IT IS NOT ONE YEAR WASTED.. i just took a bit longer to decide whether i shld try jc or poly. imagine if its december last yr right now, and i just got my O results and now im filling in the school applications.. so im just taking one year to decide. but only that right now i wont feel regretful if i go to poly mainly because i wont be wondering what jc is like because ive already felt what its like. so yah. and, im headed to university at poly thats all.

my friends all got to know abt the ruckus i made in school by diasppearing outta nowhere, and zul actually got approached by mr yeow and was asked whether lately ive been acting strange. zul got the idea that all the teachers thot i was suicidal. lol. even wong meilin wanted to know whether i wld slash my wrist and jump down as a last resort. i laughed at her face. SUICIDAL FAIZAL!?!? suicidal has never been an adjective attributed to me. ever. amidst all the tension i cld manage to let out a laugh at such ridiculous connotations these psychotic-paranoia-induced teachers associate me with. wthell.

dear readers. to tell you the truth, i haf cried more this week that in a whole year. when i told qiqi i was going to go poly, she texted me and said "i dun want anyone else in the exco". i cried that nite. the next day i was sleeping early, and i woke up at 2 am and cried more. i dunnoe whats gone into me. im so, unstable im going mad.. on friday i went to school, mr yeow saw me in the morning and asked me whether my decision was final.. and i did parade commanding at that time.. i thot it was the last time im gonna be parade commander so i did it my best.. while the college anthem was playing, qiqi hu was spotting me as parade commander started crying.. i saw her cry and i knew why.. and i almost broke down in front on the podium in front of the student population.. but i cldnt.. im a leader, and a leader doesnt show his weakness.. the next moment straight away after assembly i wanted to run away, but mr yeow called the council of 35 to gather and everyone saw qiq cry.. i was running away but mr yeow called me to the front, and the rest was kinda shock. they saw qiqi cry and they saw me got call to the front.. ppl started to get the wrong ideas.. but after explanation, mr yeow told the rest that ill be leaving council for poly, and soon after ppl start to ask me questions some punched me some just left some were sad some hugged me.. but it wasnt the last day of school yet.. i almost cried again..

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:49 PM:

for a fellow councillor and great friend: FAIZAL

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:50 PM:

council meeting!!

"oh yeah!" i tot...

so we gathered.. then i saw qi2 crying..

"huh? oh no... this is bad.. what did we do? stress her out? overwork? we did smthg horribly nightmarishly wrong and she noes but we dun?" i tot agn...

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:50 PM:

then mr yeow called faizal over...

"shit shit shit.. pa and sa heads noe smthg that we dun... we did smthg super horrible..."

then mr yeow dropped a gigantic bombshell... our darling pa head is going to poly..

i stunned...

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:50 PM:

>smthg which i shall skip...<

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:51 PM:

knew him as an ogl... as a RnE candidate-mate... then a fellow pre-u-sem bro whom i really could talk to... he nv failed to say nice things or make me smile when i am not happy... he knew the right words to say and always put things into clear perspectives...

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:52 PM:

my blog's private.. so u dun haf the link...

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:55 PM:

will miss you....

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:55 PM:

muacks!!

some wanted to throw a farewell party for me, some cried for me, some wrote testimonials for me..

i have fought for poly with my parents, with my teahcers and with my friends.. ive won over my folks and the teachers, but my friends i cant.

alvin in his blog:

"Well perhaps my day is not that good after all. I got the news today. Faizal is headed to poly next year. Im not upset. I long accustomed myself to the thought that we all have to seperate one day. Its the friendship that matters. The friendship that makes you say hi even if you had not seen a friend for 30 years. Friendship is not being together. If one forces to be together for the sake of friendship, it would destroy the lives of one party or both. That would defeat the purpose of friendship. We walk the journey of life on our own. We could be walking together in a row for a moment but in the next, the friend next to you may have a life path in a different direction. It would make no sense to force yourself to walk his path or force him to walk your path. The answer is to have faith. Have faith that one day, along this intertwined paths of lives, the paths of two friends may meet again, and you can walk together for that another moment. Live for the moment then.

Well what am I saying? The case is not as bad actually. Its not like Faizal is moving to pluto, leaving the realm of planets to the not so planety world. I still can meet him up whenever we have free time. Sure enough this would be minimal, but it is better than the life path scenario, where you enter a forest and cannot see your friends walking a path beyond the trees. Have faith, have faith that we will find time to meet. So my only hope, meet up more, and may the friendship never die.

Faizal is probably striving for his real interest in life. Getting the fulfilment in his life. A life of fulfilment is more important than a life of wealth and power. I hope I too can see the light to what i really want to do in life. How i really want to make a difference. But currently I cant, precisely why im in this pitstop called jc.

I should be happy for Faizal. Which was why i wasn upset. But I still want to talk to him. Sigh. Later perhaps. "

as i read all these, i just cant help but get all sobby.. the many times we've had, council, the thick and thins, my members, classmates, junkwang haniff yisen yu quan jian rong.. bunch of fucked up bastards, nonetheless my brothers for a year.. alot of ppl started to sway me form thinking abt poly.. some din even show that their sad.. shiqi din even talk to me or what but chuilaam told me she got a message from shiqi that im going off.. some even threatened me.. zul relentlessly started to list all the negative things abt poly, nadira.. sigh..

ben says in his blog..

"anyway, about the sad news.it is sad when one of your close friends has to come to a stop instead of walking with you in life. i and him, we didn't get off from a good start. but a short simple hello at macdonalds' changed that. after then, we managed to exchanged handphone numbers and email addresses. through these means, we got to know each other better and grew comfortable with each other. comfortable as in, we could say hi and bye easily, we could have a conversation without feeling wierd.

soon after, we ran for council, and he became my department's head. he was a good leader who took notice of even the minute detail. but it did not stop there. he was a good friend too, one who was there when i was feeling down. in fact, he was always there for any of us.

however, every beginning has to have an end. he has to leave us to pursuit his other dreams. but we understand that he has reasons. and personally from me to him, i'll miss him dearly. both the friendship and the leadership that he has shown. he may not be leaving now, but the news has already made its impact on all of us.

faizal. take care."

i dun wanna think abt all this animore.. some adviced me that i shouldnt be too nice.. be selfish.. cus going to poly is my education, my future, if all i think abt is my friends and staying in mj for the sake of friends, no one will bother abt me cus they have their own future to decide, and i gotta decide on my own as well.. moreover, even if i stay we're gonna part aniwaes after second year.. and all go on different paths to uni/ns/die. then again..

dear kids. im gonna miss you. the very thot that there will be 34, and not 35 left in council, and not steping down together with all of you is hurtful.. the idea of leaving all my duties and responsibilities as a head of departement sucks.. the thot of not even planning orientation with julian sucks alott, the thot of leaving all my friends, the council family, my classmates.. sucks big time. but i wish i can come back after a year from now and say that im doing well in poly.

CLASSMATESHIP and COUNCILHOOD MAY END. BUT FRIENDSHIP NEVER.

i gotta learn to accept the decision, and put my head into my future in poly. i will still study for my promos, and even if i get say quite decent marks i might still reconsider, but dun count on that.. my life i decide.. thanks guys for being the friends i always had and will have, for the support for all the thick and thin we went thru. we'll still meet up yeah!

even the best fall down sometimes

even the wrong words seem to rhyme

out of the doubt that fills my mind

i somehow find..

you and i,

collide..

clash of the titan(ic worlds)

2006-09-23T14:13:00.000+08:00

thur 140906

met up with kamal, feedza and ita, my itqanian friends! ahahks, since ita was schoolin late and feedza finishes work only 6 plus, met up with kamal earlier at 4 plus after school. met up at al falah mosk.. (weird, the three times i met him ever we happen to meet at a mosk.) lol.. after prayers we hop along to cine and slacked at the cafe, talking and wasting our life away, played XBox there, and we had the time of our lives. met up with feedza and ita soon after, and we sorta prayed ate and went to watch the host at cine. darn good movie. darn good.

fri 150906

was TOT day. training of trainers.. cus the next day was noobie's orientation at fityan ghufran. ahahks had fun especially with the games that we tried out. there was this segment which i particularly find very meaningful. it was whereby groupmates stand in a line, from oldest to youngest and everyone is to have a family name. like the oldest "1st brother", second oldest "2nd brother" and all. and the eldest of the family will go down the row and feed a raisin each into the mouth of his 'brothers' and shake his hand and ask his nickname, and hug him, everyone does that. it was quite significant, especially good in team-building and ice breakers. saw a few old friends whom i long time never see.. hasanah liyana raudhah and all.. helfy zikry rashid hamzah. cool cool.

sat 160906

was another fun day. ran orientation at mosk, and the turnout rate wasnt bad. there were almost 20 noobies pax and it was cool. this time round the event went on without muchofa hiccups. somewhere in the afternoon i hopped along ot the open field next to TM and helped out the RYC ppl with a few logistics things as they prepared and set up the stuff for next day's big event. met jannah and nadia there.. cool cool.

sun 170906

RYC launch. was quite a hectic day. the fityan ghufran were in charge of balloon making, so i helped those gurls as we pumped helium into balloons. cool cool. one great thing was that three of my worlds merged there. the fmsa ppl were there. the itqan ppl were there and the fityan ppl were there. it was like a mini union of the muslim youths around singapore-ish. kinda. there were saff ppl, darussalam ppl and istighfar ppl there too, amidst many. i love that day. after a whole day of stuffs, me nadiah and jannah and nasrin went off to eat at the new york pizza. nice day.

bestowal

2006-09-12T16:18:00.000+08:00

i was chosen among twelve new members to be part of the fityan ghufran committee. as a co-leader, i am to assist my excos in running the department that we are posted into. congratulations to the rest, tho we dun very much know where to be posted as of now.

on friday i met up with bro shafiq. the funny part is, i just met shafiq barely twice or thrice and we agreed to meet up for study. that i guess is the power of ukhuwah? i haf yet to know.. but we agreed to meet at library@orchard for certain forseeable circumstances *winks at shafiq* (miss library at orchard wasn't there, AH! grr.).. mug abit talk abit mug abit talk more, then came noon, scooted along to al-falah for congregation, and all praise the Lord the sermon was in english la. XD both shafiq and i did a little whoop in the air for the english sermon. lol. mugged abit more after that, met feedza mek at kinokuniya two floors below at taka where she has just started working. i acted as a customer when i approached her in the queue at the counter, and i picked up a book and complained to her like, "why is the package torn and not replaced? what kind of a service is this? cant any of you people do something?" ahahks and she just gave me that 'omygawd-faizal-im-gonna-kill-you-but-i-cant-because-youre-the-customer-and-im-the-counter-gurl-so-yeah' kindof look. funny la! ahahks haf fun workin there sista!

after 3 shafiq and i decided to call it a day, and i took the train to khatib with him and i took 969 to tamp where liyana and raudah were. while waiting for the meeting at ghufran, we met up and ate. and we had the time of our lives, talking and luffing and making fools of ourselfves at the restaurant. ppl were looking laa! so embarrassing. the waitress took like fifteen minutes to come to our table, and by that time i was along with the gurls taking a fork and spoon and banging the table with our fists and the utensils in our fists, shouting, "we want food" and some food chant. lol. makan abit, and off we scooted to ghufran.

the meeting cool. met up with more ppl which i hope attended. like bro hilmi! ahahks long time never see him, altho just met him within the week but we din talk much then. missd that ole guy. there was aishah oso, and yeah she kinda adviced me a bit. u go gurl, rawk on sis aishah. last but not least. hasanah. missed them alll alot. of course the meeting ahd more ppl la.. like abt15.. so yeah.

finally we decided a few stuff, and this comin friday there will be a TOT (training for trainers) after congregation, and saturday the actual event itself, an orientation for noobies. its gonna be fun!

sunday went swimmin. after meeting up with bro we swim, i blew more bubbles, learnt to swim more.. aahhks. eh thanks eh bro! you be my swim coach or sth. XD soon after went to fmsa. were havin BGM (biannual general meeting)

one thing abt me deciding to go there was that it took me lots of thinking to go. mainly because i dun wanna get involved so actively as of now. im still muggin, and that it was sunday and i still havent complete alot of work.

but on retrospect, i thank thank thank God i went for that meeting. one thing was, there was elections of new members into the exco. ashraf was elected second VP! cool ah! congrats bro! woohoo! i was made exco member.

that wasnt the point. the thing is, i met three very wonderful kids. acap and psyfool been talkin abt them sooo much but i haf yet to get to know them. finally i met up, and i was caught off guard. why? they rawk. nadiah - haf heard of her alot, and that psyful been telling her abt me. so we knew each other before meeting up lol. kinda. then i sorta went to her blog ocne a while, but din noe her yet. then finally came sunday, and i just gotta noe her. we clicked well! i love them allofasudden. lol. gee. then there was jannah, nadiah's bestfriend. damn cute la this gurl, especially when she luffed. ahahks, ANDDDD we have almost the same blogksin layout! ahahks, ANNND she lives at tamp! so now i gt frienf to go fmsa!!! finally but of course not leastly theres omar. shafiq and maya told me abt him before, so did acap and psyful. you know, passing remarks.. but got to know him. cool dood, nice pants (or skirt XD) and yeah looking forward to seeing allof em again!

we went around after fmsa's BGM, went to national library, crapped abit, then went off to SMU nearby where nadia schools at, and off we scooted to banquet at raffles hospital. talked more crap there luffed alot, and ate.. and we soon departed off for home..

i realised that after all the opportunities to work in the executive committees of council, fityan ghufran and fmsa, God really wants to give me the chance to serve. i almost forfeited my post as exco at fmsa, tho i dun really know what the job entails yet, mainly because i have more in my hands than i can cope with. after much pondering, i dun want to give it all up. this is God Almighty's Bestowal upon a lowly servant of His, and this humble servant of God will heed His Calling. All sort of obstacles i will overcome, and i will make the best out of this rare opportunities granted to me. remember, the Power to change the world lies in our hands.

But dear readers, the greatest of all bestowal upon me granted in the last few days, was not that of power, committee membership, nor was it the recognition of one's capabilities. This bestowment far supercedes all sort of blessing God has granted me, and in my daily prayers as i prostate myself upon God's earth, asking Him for Guidance and Love, the very first thing I pray for, the very first thing above them all, is,

"Oh Lord my Saviour the Cherisher of Life, I beseech you to evermore enstrength the hearts of mine and that of my Brethren, make the bonds between us brothers tighter, never make any of us go astray. Make me closer in mind, in spirit in faith and in love oh Allah, to my brothers in Islam, my friends at mosque and everywhere else, for with this unity comes strength, and the power to resurrect the Glory of Islam once again, as it did in the early years of Muhammad's prophethood. Oh Allah, make me closer to them, whom i see as beacons of light in my life, as we together tread upon the path of Journey to You. Ameen."

for this prayer is my most treasured one, aside from the prayer for my parents and happiness in this world and the hereafter. This one, i keep close to my heart.

For the best of all blessings, the most precious of all bestowals, is that one of Friends.

Thank You, God, for giving me the best of friends to me in this life. Thank You.

I love my friends.

i love my friends.

power

2006-09-06T12:05:00.000+08:00

The power to change the world lies in our hands.

who ever told hitler he could do that?

no one told gandhi he could do that too.

but they believed.

and they realised.

and they conquered, each in their own way.

though hitler conquered the land,

gandhi conquered a million hearts.

jesus, moses, muhammad, conquered a billion souls.

the world needs superman.

and in each of us lie the spirit of one.

we dont have to fight for world peace to make a difference.

it's the many little things we do that matter first.

like helping those in need, stopping discrimination in class, and making one's day.

oh yes who said you cant do that?

then take a step forward.

do volunteer works, do outreach and do heartfelts.

they need u.

the world needs u.

do know that we can make a difference.

start with the small things.

then embark on a journey..

.. of self-improvement

.. of self-sacrifice

of soul.

touch the hearts of men.

be inspired,

and then inspire others.

anything can happen.

when you believe.

realise that.

we live once, so hit the world with it.

for the power to change the world lies in our hands.

but little did we know.

my men, now rise.

nonentities and minutiaes.

2006-09-05T00:13:00.000+08:00

i feel guilty.

nowadays half the time i mourn over my fate.

studies school promos and all the stress.

what is this???

Is it even worthy of the concern that im putting in?

when our brothers and sisters are dying, tortured and killed at the hands of the devils in iraq, palestine and other parts of the world?

who then will stand up for them?

when there are ppl who are sole breadwinners and haf lost their ability to walk to a traffic accident has a family to support?

who then will support them?

when there are kids who have lost their parents in a disaster and all they haf now is the orphanage?

who then will help them?

when kids eat off the ground when food crumbles before them in afghanistan?

who then will see them live another day?

when my own brothers and sisters are discriminated and segregated, accused of terror and crimes they would never have thought of committing, suspected and sentenced to imprisonment?

who then has the courage to fight for the truth?

when there is a whole world to save?

who then will?

not Bush. not the UN. not Gandhi ...well he's dead aniwae.

not Tom not Mary not Susan.

THEN WHO?

i feel so guilty.

all of a sudden all my worries seem to have shrunk.

all that fear about promos and mugging become like a nonentity.

if all we care about is ourselves, too consumed with our own concerns and worries, think again.

wake up people! if school is ALL we ever think about, there is SOMETHING seriously wrong here.

i feel guilty.

don't you?

who will?

Thought Processes

2006-09-03T23:25:00.000+08:00

Never for once did i feel this insecure, uncertain and hopeless in life. I am clueless, dear blog, at this very dilemmetic and unprecedented moment in life. At retrospective glance, ive always seen myself predicting my life and setting my destiny alongside the influence of a great power that determines everything. At PSLE i already got the hint i was making it for the school i want. I already knew my estimated L1R5 at O levels and got into the school i wanted (at that time i din realise what a hellhole MJ was) and I already kinda knew I wld get into the Students' Council even before results were out.

4 weeks to promos and i feel so so torn and clueless im like a child who's lost his mom in the middle of a shopping mall. I feel like crying, i feel lost i feel.. that whatever happens to me dusnt matter no more.

Why so, u'd ask? The thing about JC is everyone thinks that if they mug hard enuff they wld make it to year two. already the principal announced this year's expected retention rate (or more like school kickout rate) was 61%, and i AM in that percent. I duno why.. the teachers kept saying Faizal perservere hold on its just a short two years dun give up yada here yada there blah blah blah.. You've got the potential and smart enuff to ask questions in class.. loada bullshit if u asked me. Honestly i know what the subject is telling me.. like for instance reverse transcription codes ribonucleic acid to deoxyribonucleic acid by the enzyme reverse transcriptase and that the graph for social benefits and private benefits diverge becus with a marginal addition of quantity of goods there is an accumulative effect on the +ve/-ve externality present...

then why am i failing my tests?

its because we are brainfed and forced to swallow whallops of info and facts into our brains sometimes it struck us students that what we are doing are all for the sake of a bloody piece of cert at the end of the two years. then what relevance does knowing what enzyme reverse transcribe RNA to DNA and the graphs of market failures got to do with my future? do they even shit link back to my ambition or career? say i wanna be a video game seller for instance or for gawds sake sure does knowing what happens in your sperm cell help you boost sales for the latest gundam game series.

knowledge and the thirst of it has always been what that keeps me wanting to know more, read up more and ask more when i was a child. the fact that such and such works like that or so and so died at what age and did what in the world war II kept the fire that feeds on knowledge burn bright and ferocious within me. such fire kept my world sunny and beautiful, always eager to look forward to everything for the sake of wanting to know more more more..

the fire has died.

in its place is a big gaping hole that sucks in all the facts and let it rot inside, lost in the darkness of irrelevance and uncertainty.

i mug and i mug and i mug, and what i get is inconfidence upon inconfidence, questions against questions and insecurity and doubtfulness.

one optimistic part of me says: "WAKE UP FAIZAL YOU KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS AND NO ONE ELSE CAN PUSH YOU OUTTA THIS SHIT BUT YOU SO PICK UP YOUR BUTT AND PULL UP UR SOCKS AND START MUGGING YOUR ASS TOWARDS YEAR TWO!"

whereas the other pessimistic part looks at the optmistic part of me, keeps silent and shakes his head with a sly smile on his face, thinking all is for nought and all the efforts will be in vain.

the optimist is the one that drives me to study. the pessimist makes me dream of what to wear for poly next year.

Mom said, if i dun make it, i wont go poly. so i asked, where then? ITE? she said, be a noje at mesjed sudah. i was like, FOR REAL!? alright ah!

all my life i wanna get out of this education system shyte for the sake of getting onto humanitarian efforts and be a social worker. i dun mind working as a clerk for FMSA if i cant go poly you know. i seriously dun mind. mom asked me to study at pergas full time while workin. i seriously dun think she was joking. but hells, i really dun mind that u know. imagine, "Faizal the fallout kid. the school dropout. the loser. ouhh the l-o-s-e-r.." i can luff at that anytime. but i seriously starting ta feel its gonna be true one day..

one motivation that i keep on muggin despite all the OBVIOUS SIGNS IM GONNA FAIL IN THE END SO WHATEVER LA AH!? is that if i mug enuff i can take social work or psychology in NUS and be a good in my field of volunteerism and humanitarianism. yeah.

then again.. there are other ways of doing so. like be a noje at mejed for instance.

TO PROMOTE OR NOT TO PROMOTE?

pray fer me yall, that whatever decision is made for me let it be the best of decisions.. cus maybe hu knows getting into year two is not any better than going poly or be noje at mjd.. hu noes.. so pray for the best of fate for me guys, you know the prayers of friends get their way thru to the Throne of God easier than anything else.. help me guys..

torn, hopeless, uncertain, clueless, twisted.

let there be fire.

skins

2006-09-03T00:44:00.000+08:00

- trained real hard for Teacher's Day Dance, to the tunes of Yeah by Usher

- on Teacher's Day it paid off, really.

- nite before teacher's day reached home at 10, talked to Kamal on fone from 11 pm to 6 in the morn. din sleep at all. flaggd a cab at 6 and took in shiqi zul and michelle along the way to school.

- on teacher's day was happy to meet up with the rest of the fourvee kidds but wasnt feeling too well

- right now im internally fighting between the drive to mug my head off and the urge to let things go and wait for poly to begin next year.

- i wanna get back to mosk asap. im missing the ppl at fityan at fmsa and all the bros and sisters.

- tho i met up with Mohksin at tamp this morning. saturday morning when everyone's sleeping we met up at ran 8 rounds around the stadium tracks, he did 9. went swimming and i learnt to swim today. blew bubbles. fun. visited a mohk's friend at changi hospital cus he met accident. God bless him and ease his recovery.

- watched Devil Wears Prada with Zul and the rest.

- today spent 9 hours making this blogskin.

i wanna be free again. i miss all my friends. i miss you all alot.

Life versus Time: The Aceh Kids.

2006-07-27T22:57:00.000+08:00

On the right: Aceh Kid. On the Left: touched.

feel the rain on your skin. no one else can feel it for you. only you can let it in. no one else, no one else can speak the words on your lips. drench yourself in words unspoken. live your life with arms wide open. today is where your book begins. the rest is still unwritten.

live your life with arms wide open.

Many a times people asked me, "hey Fai, how's life?". The honest tendency is to say, "Oh you know what? Life sucks man. It bores the shit and screws the piss out of me so much i feel no better than dyin'." Then again, upon reconsideration and after one long breath, I would always reply, "Life is Beautiful." So so much beautiful that each day i embrace the unprecedented possiblities with arms wide open. I take pride in the work i do, i love the people around me. Life is like rain. People complain when there is rain, yet when the heat of the sun scorch them silly they complain yet again. We never did once realise that with rain, deserts spring to life and rivers flow. Civilisations grow and man thrives. That is it with life. People take it for granted, as cliched as it may sound, yet they never realise the beauty and majesty of a gift so tenderly granted by God. How difficult it is to bring forth life, how a painful 9 months it was, yet people waste it away in a slash of the neck.

Time. another blessing to mankind. like life, time trickles down the flow of waste and ignorance, sometimes in drips and at other times in torrents. sometimes i wonder, where on earth did my time go? I recall my brother farhan from fmsa telling me yesterday, "Maybe that was why the time machine was thought of. As much as people want to get into the future, they want to be back in the past and relive the times that they had. For one moment in life passed will never ever occur again." Cherish the time that we have and above all, above them all, cherish the love that you get from the ones around you, from those that you in turn love back. Like i said, i wondered where did my time go? after all the procrastination and fooling around, i do wonder where the rest of my time come from.

You see, time flies when we have fun. No i dont mean that time becomes shorter when we make full use of it, but time became more in a period of time. Like for instance, cus i know this sounds like some philosophical gibberish (or more like some bullshit) to you, this is what i mean. In 24 hours, when we do house chores or home work, time seems to be like dragging, you know? like it takes years to finish the work. But when we have fun, time seems to fly. Like in the same twenty four hours we do things like, say, go to the theme park. Seems like just five minutes have passed but you actually spent one whole day at Escape. But in a third instance, time EXPANDS for those who spent it for the sake of God. Like in one twenty four hour day, like any usual day, we go to Mosk, meet up with friends to discuss the latest yoth project that we initiated, pray along with friends in congregation, listen to talks by a Scholar, attend Usrah, do homework and preach the words of God. We do so much, in a day, it seemed that what could only have been done in one week, was in fact covered in one day! This illustrates the verses of the Lord in Eventide:

In the name of Allah, the Compassionate, the Merciful.

By (the Token of) Time (through the ages), Verily Man is in loss, Except such as have Faith, and do righteous deeds, and (join together) in the mutual teaching of Truth, and of Patience and Constancy.

[The Holy Quran - Eventide 103: 1 -3]

One fine day after congregation (jum'at prayers) at Sultan Mosque with bro Ashraf, we went along arab street to look for food. Before settling at the Moroccan Cafe, we entered Al-Wardah bookstore (correct me if i got the name wrong) and boy was i elated to see so many books. There was this one book which caught my eye, it was this book on the Museum at Turkey, which displayed some of history's greatest artifacts, like the renowned staff of Moses, with which Moses (peace be unto him) parted the red sea, the embalmed forearm of John the Baptist (Yunus AS), the turban of Joseph (Yusuf AS) and the mantle of Muhammad (SAW), which inspired an Arab poet of the past to write a song based on the Holy Mantle, a song which you can view at Bro Mohksin's blog http://fadhixz.blogspot.com .

But the book wasnt the point of this post. The thing was, Bro Ashraf and I encountered this man in the bookstore, a white Australian man, whose name i dun even know. He preached to us the words of God, and recited off the Quran with such elegant fluency and made us realise the true message of Islam that I began to feel so belittled for a while. His strength in his Faith was so immense that he inspired me to pursue more in life than just all the bullshit that we've been after. My life isn't about the materialistic. It's about the intangibles that im after. That white man spoke so much in twenty minutes, and had to leave soon. After exchanging handshakes, we greeted the salam and he was gone even without me getting the chance to ask his name.

Bro Ashraf introduced me to FMSA, (Fellowship of Muslim Students' Association). After Camp Itqan (which my previous post was all about) Ashraf asked me, Raudah and Kamal to help out at the Youth's events. I was addicted to helping out at the volunteer works. Once after the encounter at the bookstore Ashraf asked me to help him out with a couple of admin work (more like laminating certificates) at FMSA on friday nite. i was still in my school uniform, and when i reached the place in eunos, i was really excited mainly because ive heard so much about FMSA but never ever been there or been in any of their events before. Bro Mohskin, Sis Shamsydar and Sis Farz are some of those i know in FMSA. when i reached there at about 7 plus, i was introduced to Bro Alfian and Sis Siriana. They were great people and i helped em out till 9 plus, before making my way home. That, ladies and gentlemen, was my first chapter in my Life at FMSA.

The second time i got there was more of a coincidence, nothing planned. Initially Ashraff and I thought the meeting for the Mission Aceh project Committee was at FMSA. So after meeting up with Ash after school at hougang, we made our way to FMSA. on the way there, i reconfirmed the venue with Alfian but so happens that we got the venue wrong, supposed to be Change Alley at Raffles. Darn, so we just proceeded on to FMSA, and there we waited for Alfian to reach so he could brief us on what transpired at the meeting. While waiting, the usrah (or in laymen's term is family in arabic) was happening so ash and i joined the brothers and we sat down to discus the latest issues around. I was the newest member there and i integrated so easily i felt at home. the bros were warm and we talked away about issues and projects. that was my first ever usra and i was glad that i was addicted to it.

Yesterday was my third time there. At school we had this interhouse games, which i was furious about mainly because when my house (phobos) fought with triton in touch rugby, there was this gurl who was shouting commands from the side of the field when she wasnt even involved in the game at all, just a substitute for triton house. then the phobians were damn irritated by her and when triton oh-so gloriously won the damn match she was the first to scream and shout her head off that triton won. the phobians hate her. grr. at 6 i bathed after all the sweaty games i played for phobes, and made my way down to eunos again towards FMSA for another usra session with the big boys. since ashraff was busy cus he just started school at uni, i went there ahead of him and was warmly greeted by farhan alfian and bro zul. after quite some time the usra finally started, and this time the issue we discussed was on brotherhood and friendship, something i hold dear to myself. it was cool, but since i gotta be home before it was too late at nite i made my way from the ongoing usra at almost ten. the guys usually end it very late.

On national day this year, rather than slacking at home or mugging for promos or even watching the parade, i was at masjid khadijah helping out with FMSA's fund raising project. almost 4000 packs of briyani was made, and i was with the guys peeling onions and all, squeezing lime juice, sweeping the floor on the eve of nat day. on the day itself, i was with the shipping team who transport the packed briyani from packaging counter to outside the mosk for the customers who bought the coupons to come and collect their briyani. it was quite hectic as more and more of them came and soon we were loaded with work. raudah was at the 'fanning counter', fanning the packed briyani cus u can only close the container when the rice is about cool, and kamal and i were the shipping buddy. heheh. kamal was also the dalcar man cus he packed the curry into the small containers. it was a messy business. after a tiring day, the four of us raudah ash kamal and i scooted off to masjid khair at god noes where it is to send the briyani to some of the ppl at mosk. after that we went to some mall (God, faizal, u suck at places) and we hang around there cus ash needed wireless connection at Mc's to access his laptop so he could register his subjects into his uni's website. yeah. and soon after the four of us parted, with kamal and raudah heading home and ash and i towards tampines to watch tokyo drift with ustaz fyrooze at Century Square. tokyo drift rawked la.

on the 11th august, 2 days after nat day i tagged along the aceh kids entourage around singapore. i was eager to follow them mainly because i wanted to see the aceh survivors for myself. i was at the tamp library in the morning to read up on some stuff while waiting for ash to meet up with me at the interchange before proceeding towards sultan mosk for congregation. after that, the aceh bus arrived and we were greeted by the mosk's official and we had our lunch there. we then went to the malay heritage museum, and then went to asian civiliation museum. it was kinda fun. after that we walked along the singapore river at raffles place and just had some sight seeing before the guys went to watch the national day fireworks.

on the saturday the aceh kids went to the science center and boy was it fun. i became the "father" of one of the kids, Agus for the day and showed him around the science center, explaining to him the science behing the optical illusions and eye-catching experiments. it was great to feel close to the 12 aceh kids. they were just like us, and from what i heard some of them lost all their family to the tsunami, while others, like a six year old gurl was found roaming the streets after the tsunami. the fortunate kids went to singapore and i felt attached to them soon after. at about after noon, the lot os us comprising the 12 kids, 5 aceh teachers, volunteers from NTU, Darus salam youth and FMSA, about thirty to forty of us took the bus to holland V mosk. after a short performance by the grannies there (which was very good choir performance by the veterans of the mosk!) the aceh kids presented their own dikir barat performance. and gawsh it beats the dikir barat of singapore. after lunch at that mosk we went on to Sentosa, at about four plus. the kids went to underwater world, merlion and that jazz, but the volunteers went to slack at the beach. bro Mohksin, sis feedza sis mashita and sis filza and i went to the breakwaters and sat there, talking. it was a picturesque sun set and was fun.

the sunday when the aceh kids were supposed to depart for their homeland, we went to ECP and had some fun rollerblading and cylcing. after a short while, the whole biiiggg groups of us bussed our way to the airport and then we had our last few talks with the aceh kids. they performed one last time at the terminal, and after a sad song sung by the whole group, and ppl start to really miss the kids, i felt attached to them. this gurl of thirteen, named Ella, sorta liked me, and i found it touching. she was a brave soul, and was perky as well. she told me to send her a picture of me once she got back to aceh, and i was kinda missing them already. soon after they went into the departure hall, everyone kinda got sad and some cried. they waved while the volunteers watched them from the glass windows, as the kids got checked at the cutoms. after they left, sister fariheen told me. "you know what faizal, ella told me to tell you she hated u for winking at her, like it was disgusting and bad to do that. but she said that she kina liked you." oh no faizal, you made an aceh survivor like you! baad boy, faizal, bad boy.

after so much reminiscence, i realise that my life, with the time that i spent on the path of God, is so so much beautiful. yes true, promos is killing me, yes true, school life and the politics behind council was darn stressful, yes true the teachers were being one helluva pain in my ass. but all this i took with a smile on my face, and with God's strength which i invoked everyday through my constant prayers to Him, i braved the harshness of life, and took pleasure in overcoming the challenges that man made for himself. my results start to climb, and i was elated to get 2 A's for economics, and was the only pass in class for GP. i like to see others take lead from me, and i would like to outreach and touch the lives of others. like the aceh kids whom ive met and left a print in their souls, i want to reach into the depths of others and inspire them and light up a small ember within their hearts. through the faith i have with my Creator, i will each day try to the best of my human abilities to change others. i want others to see life as a beauty and gift from God.

more photos can be found at mashita's blog http://www.ita-mania.blogspot.com/

the lil birdie who broke its wing that i found at sentosa.

from the back: Me, Mohk, Filza, Feedza. Taking picture: Mashita.

From Left: mashita, feedza, me, and teachers from aceh.

Live your Life with arms wide open.*

itqan `06

2006-07-22T15:37:00.000+08:00

time clashes and fate crosses, and sometimes they bring a friend or two and these are the people that make your life worthy of living.

Friday 14 July 06, went to SAJC invest with daryl and mereith. tho it was at church (or cathedral tho i cant seem to find any difference in both) it was kinda scary. one thing was the school was very religious based. lol. scary. enuff said about SAJC invest. oh btw met Swati and Ansley with skirts getting ever so shorter. seemed to enjoy life there, both of em. good for them..

as for me after the invest went to mosk for congregation. lol, the irony of it. morning attended church afternoon mosk. clashes. hmm, after which waited at TM for eugene to reach and the both of us went to watch Pirates 2. lol. chris and raymund was supposed to be there but PSed us. lol. Pirates rock. and the stupid guy in the movie mentioned Singapore again, and the whole theatre like woooo-ed. ahahks. and yeah i so cant wait for the third movie. It's Cap'n jack Sparrow, by the way.

Rushed home soon after mainly cus i hafnt packed bag for the night's camp. after a quick prayer i left home with my rugged camp bagpack. took the bus from across TP to reach Alkaff Mosk, and boy, i initially felt that its gonna be fun the camp.. but i was wrong. IT WAS PHENOMENAL.

one thing was, the moment i reached the camp i was like the fourth person there, and after registration and waiting for my mosk mates to come i finally caught up with bro Ashraff, whom i met only twice before. or once, when Bro Mohksin intro-ed me to him during Qiyam at the same mosk a few months back. we met and soon we were chatting non stop.. abt things and all. camp Itqan (which means perseverance and dedication in arab) comprises of leaders from varrious mosks, and the one i attended was the 21st batch.

I meet another fabulous kid by the name of Kamal and at that moment in time we din talk much..

camp soon started and the motivators that ran the camp, both Ust Hassan and Pak Uteh, which of course isnt his real name, introduced himself..

i dun really wanna get into details abt what we did at the camp, which taught us valuable life lessons, what ITQAN means really, (Integrity Teamwork Quwwan Ambassadorship New-age), how to love God and love your parents more.. how to preach God's holy word to the rest, how to think outside the box, how to.. this is nuthing compared to what i really truly learned.

i learned: that God's perfect world isnt perfect after all, and we came with a purpose. To relive Adam's original role as an Ambassador of God to this world. I learnt that Language is what separates man from beast. That God taught language to Adam and not to even his Angels. I learnt that friends can come in any forms and never to judge the book by the cover. Believe in youself because you know you have a role in this world, and in the hereafter. Learn to always draw lessons from the Quran cus no matter how old it was first written, it still applies to today's context. a very dynamic and everchanging scripture. i learned that we can be better people if we want to. and last but not least, i learnt better how to treasure my friends.

on the last day of camp, tho we met just three days ago, and that i knew almost no one from the bunch before mainly because we came from different mosks, the camp motivator played this song called "doa perpisahan by the brothers" or in english, is The Prayer for Separation. Boy the lyrics made all of us cried as we linked arms and swayed to the melodies of the soulful song. he played it a second time as we demanded an encore, and more poeple cried.. even the toughest of guys..

i met Psyful from this camp and boy it was a Light from God that he was. Psyful taught me alot about life in many different ways that ive never expected before.. a very intellectual person blessed with the gift of speech this guy made my stay at Itqan worthwhile.

i met like i said for the second time, Ashraf who became our Camp Amir, and another gorgeous soul whose friendship i brought away with me after the camp. his ever so patient character and top-notch leadership led the camp and paved it for all to tread upon. one day i will see him as one who will make a big difference to many others.

i met one of the joyous bunch of kids that ive ever met.. isa ahmad rashid ishak zikry asap just to name a few..

i met a couple of very lovely gurls like Hamizah Muslimah Fairuz Raudhah NurulHuda Mashita and many more.. the spirit within us never dies.

last but not least one of the reasons why God put me in this camp, is to get to know this fabulous kid Kamal. One thing of many, is that we share so many common traits from email address to what our moms work as. freaky but he said im his other world him. lol. will be meeting up 2august to catch lady in the water with ashraf.

Oh Lord savior of souls and sustainer of life, I beseech you to forever keep this bond amongst thy servants strong and lasting. Let this be not the last time we meet for it would then be such a waste to let friendships go astray. let none of my brothers in faith part from me in heart and in spirit, but enstrength the bond that thou hath made in thy holy presence between every two souls. put not one in thy paradise without the other, for in thy Holy Name o Lord we live and we love, and for you my Lord we be your ambassadors, upon this earth we shall rock. Ameen.

me reciting the Verses and in the background a story about Moses and Pharoah.

kamal and i. long lost brothers found again.

the balloon game. fantastic fun.

balloons. oh i love the sound it makes when it POPS.

supposed to find balloons scattered everywhere with the help of a leader. all of us blindfolded cept him. ahahks. spot me.

thats a fellow itqanian playing this game.. supposed to put our fourth finger into this box and guess what was inside it. tho the man in blue made fake animal sounds it was obvious that the thing inside was a fork, tho took us half an hour as a group to guess that correct. boy the most ridiculous of things we thought of was a barbie doll with spiky hair. XD

one of the many meals we had. boy the food were delicious. smacks lips.

Food, one of God's best Gift to us.

the paper planes we were suuposed to craft. lol my group's plane is number four from here. cant quite see. thank GOD.

ustaz Hassan one of our motivators

pak Uteh (tho till now i still duno his real name XD) another of our fabulous motivators.

after a whole long day.. everyone beat. took chance of every possible break to sleep. even on the floor.

one of the many song sessions we had.. most are touching.. others made even the biggest boys cry.

Family Itqan21 Murshidin. The people i hold dear to my heart. we rocks!

main Prayer Hall where i beseeched and implored my best Friend my Lord.*

picturesque. light shining upon the minaret of the mosk.

lessons be taught, lessons be learnt.

2006-07-09T23:19:00.000+08:00

Hey there people. Im currently building my post for Pre U Sem, so meanwhile, enjoy what i have to tell you for now! since you are complaining about my dead blog, and yes Aishah, I AM not sleeping, just having too much time on other stuff, i have finally sit down to put up a post. XD here goes!

life goes on, like nothing happens, alike the troubled waves of the oceans wide, as they carry a message in a bottle, floating endlessly on the sea of life.. i am the message, and my life, the bottle. You are, my oceans wide.

The past month has been the harvest period. why so, u may ask. reason being, the past month was so ripe with fruits of my labour, so fulfilling that i feel great to be the lucky farmer who has waited long for his crops to mature, and now here i am remeniscing on the good times i had.

first week of june, i had pre u sem. second week i had LTC, and i made more friends, learnt more, lived more. third week i had a mosk camp, one organised by the Pasir Ris Mosk Al-Istighfar, and boy was it enriching. got to know a couple more people and they were a bunch of really great kids. went there not as participant but as facilitator. just last week, on youth day i along with my Mosk family organised a youth camp at Ghufran and heh, tho it was sorta slacky, i loved it. why u ask? cus i met two more ppl in my life namely Adibah and Hilmi, two gorgeous souls whom I would never have made friends with without the camp. and i too, learnt to appreciate and understand friends that i have known, more, and in depth.. like for in stance, i would never had guessed Mohksin would sacrifice his dignity by friendship dance-ing with me to demo to the smaller kids. and helfi makes a good crap pertner too! aishah, raudah farz and more.. i love them all. <3 next week, ill be heading to yet another camp, called the Itqan and i hope to learn more and make more friends and realise my fullest me, my fullest potential in all these camps that ive been to. You can help me, and only You m'Lord.

spent quite some fruitful time with my councillors, and yeah, by now dear viewers, you would know how much i treasure friendship and why i always put it at the top of my list. spent time revising midyears with chris at times at the long johns, and just a few days back went swimmimg with him, altho we did ask the rest to tag along, and after so much floating around and drinking chlorine we went to catch Just My Luck on the bigscreens and played House of Dead4 at the arcades.. quite fun. especially the part where we ordered extra cheese for cheesefries at KFC. also, went watch Superman returns (I LOVE LOIS LANE AND SHES MINE) with my beloved Ben Diana and Ariffin.

yesterday, after a short meeting on this new humanitarian project that my fityan peeps embarked on, i went gymming with mohksin, and yeah we cld spend some time together crapping.. been quite a while i last saw him, apart from the Ghufran camp where he taught lil kiddies how to dance to Friendship Dance. lol. spent abt two hours at the gym, and now my arms feels like lead and my chest like the inflatable fake superman costume they stupidly feature on tv. im aching mohk! XD oh next time, we race okay? XP

there's something else i wld like to share with you all before i wrap things up and finally get to bed. i had pneumonia in primary one, and it was kinda tough. pneumonia is actually an inflammation of the lungs, so once in a while when i pant or run too much there wld be this lil pain in my chest like fire burning in your throat kinda feel. tho i recovered years ago, this could relapse and since the last time, i have learnt to put it behind and live life like it was meant to be. thus i failed my 2.4 km run for napha test each year, never getting aniwhere less that 15 to 16 minutes. till one day in sec sch i finally scraped past PASS in sec four and i was the only one on earth to celebrate this joyous feeling i had. tho getting a gold for most people is peanuts, getting a pass is already like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for me - i was blessed. then comes JC, and the big guys say i cant get lower than silver if i dun wanna train throughout the year when everyone else gets to play games. so the PE lessons preceding the NAPHA i took the chance to hone my running skills, and to my dismay i always scraped past pass. again. just 14 minutes. then came the actual day, and when everyone on the track was tying their shoelaces and getting ready to run once they hear the teacher's whistle, i stood straight and looked at the horizons and said out loud, abit stoically, "IM GONNA GET SILVER". and everyone was like, looking at me and wondering why on earth i was acting funny. i was that determined, and i could only here that four words screaming in my head throughout my 6rounds.. and nothing, not even the cheers and jeers of my classmates could drown out that sound. i ran and ran and i ran even faster, and i couldnt stop, i knew 12 minutes of pain was better that half a year's worth of training. its all in the head, and the next thing i knew there was fire in my lungs even when i finally passed the end line with timing of 12.33 minutes. i was the happiest kid you could ever come across that day, and like i said, when silver is nothing for some ppl, it made me grin from ear to the other throughout the whole day, and since then i learnt that the power of the human mind far supercedes that of the human body. a lesson learnt, and a lesson you too, shall learn.

till next time then. and anything in between let it not pass without God's Blessing and Guidance.

peace.

Aftermath

2006-05-28T18:47:00.000+08:00

it was a failure, through and through.

the organisation of the soccermatch cheering at Jln Besar Stadium, MJ vs VJ, was finally over.

There's just so many things to learn, so many things to do.

i feel tired, and for the first time ever, i daresay i feel the essence of exhaustion.

People said i did a good job nonetheless, they were quite happy to work under my leadership. But as a leader, i felt that i have truly failed.

There is just so many things to learn.

LTC and PreUSem is coming up, today is the eve of PreUsem and i havnt packed my bag for both the Seminar and LTC. Pre U Sem is from Monday (right after GP exam) to Fri, from which i will travel straight to Changi for LTC till next monday. 8 days of full freedom from home.

that's is not the case.

the reason why i blog today, is because of one thing:

im in love, im in love, im in love.

pulling maself together

2006-05-02T12:02:00.000+08:00

lives past me as days go by. i do not mean deaths, of course, but everything happens at exponential amounts at breakneck speed. no pun intended here tho, i am putting myhead on the guillotine and nearly got my head chopped off clean, alike the Nearly Headless Nick which you affectionately address the ghost you see in the HP series. it's like as if each day is lived like a whole lifetime, like as though all the things that can ever happen to anyone in his life is compacted into one day, and this happens everyday for me. there is just ridiculously too many things to do.

i am not bragging, tho... or at least i try to put up a strong front in front of Council. With each critcism i face i take wholehartedly, hoping that with the correct mindset to accept remarks from others i get the chance to improve myself and live a better day tomorrow.

but this does not always happen.

i always remind myself, with every great hurdle thrown in my direction, that if i were to break in front of my Public Affairs, how then can they come to me in times when they need me the most, in times when i need them to settle a deadline fast, in times when everything seems to be in the most possible wrong ever. sometimes it's just not fair, to do things the very best you can, but at the end of the day, little or none actually knows what you do, if not criticise you further and says the excruciatingly true catchphrase they always say, "There's always room for improvement".

People ask me, why do I join council.

If they were to expect the template answers of, "To serve the school, to make Meridians' lives better", BULLSHIT.

for one, no one gives a fuck wether your life is a blissful sanctuary in Meridian or as fucktardishly shitty like hell. honestly, none of us gives a damn.

but why i do what i want to do, or why i feel good doing the things that i do in council, is not actually the sadomasochistic idea of carrying chairs and arranging them around in hall, raise the stupid cloth of a flag everyday and have to come to school at 710 everymorning of which i have to ride a cab to school most of the time lest i get screwd inside out by the teachers or even spending countless hours in school to rehearse for events, until ten plus at night when the gates are officially locked by the guards and all 35 4th council and 26 3rd council and the 5 Teacher Advisors had to wait for the school manager to come to school to let us out late at night. might as well camp in out in school since we're goin home late evryday.

it's the togetherness that matters. it's about having fun and rejoicing in the knowledge that there are 34 others who have officially traversed over into the treshold of insanity and deep-rooted love to simply stay in school till late at night for god-knows-what that counts the most. its the AFTER-events that actually bring meaning into council life, its the late nights dinners that we have at macs that defines council and its the friendship that bonds 35 ppl from different walks of life that actually matters. what bothers me the most right now, is wether i can get, not straight As, but enuf sleep.

as the days to Student Dialogue Session One and schoolwide soccer cheering at jln besar stadium hang just around the corner, the one that when u suddenly turn round at, u get knocked down by a passing bike or another lady carrying bags of groceries and having them spilled all over the pavement, the feeling of loss of sense of time and control over one's logical reasoning as well as conscious capabilty to control one's behaviour start to show. It sypmtoms are thick eyebags, insanity, snappish atitude to classmates and brooding and not talking to others for hours, then suddenly spring out hysteric and start to feel so fresh you swore you could do that all over again. Right now, what's on my mind, is not how im gonna get these two major school events done on time, but wether it be a good chance to prove my worth to 4SC. God, let's not screw this up this time round, okay? Thanks Dood, you rawk my life.

Destiny II

2006-04-26T23:39:00.000+08:00

Aite..

today has been a very important juncture in my life.. mainly for these three reasons.

one: i appealed for a change in subject combination, Econs to Lit. Okay wait, hold your arguments first.. but ive been pondering this over since january and attempted to switch combis a few times, but guessed i could give econs a try, go with the flow kinda thing.. but hey hey hey.. my first test and i got like, lowest in class.. 3 out of 20 marks.. damnit.. and i dun get a single shit outa econs.. so yeah.. i know the chances of me changing classes if my appeal is accepted are high, according to Hao Jun Gor who also followed me to see Lai for the swictch of combi.. and i also know my chances of getting a switch is also damn low.. we'll wait for her reply.. till then..

two: i got into council.. damn.. aahks.. as much as i halfwished i din get in, well.. i got in, and when im in, im gonna give it my all.. 35 nominees got in, and i wld like to take this opportunity to congratulate the 35 who got in, and lets look forward to our first big fight within 4Th Council, and to those who din, cheer up, its not the end.. you can still contribute in many different ways.. there might be a reason why you din get chosen.. search for that reason and work on it, for you know that at the end of the day its mainly abt being a better person.. cheer up yall! and yeah.. life's gonna be hectic.. im so looking forward to that alrite.. argh.. also.. had a one-to-one talk with Mr Yeow.. lemme quote something from him : "Both led millions, Hitler by might but Gandhi by heart". This phrase goes a long way.. and i shall keep what he told me to myself.. looking forward to Council Training Camp this friday! and yeah, we could also do with a bigger council room you know, what with 35 councillors this time round. i say, why dun we knock down the wall between council room and lesnuoc?

three: spring sweet spring, has finally arrived. she was there and she was there when i asked her wether or not she was attached. not out of will, but cause the guys in my class dared me to ask her during PE wether shes attached.. and i foolishly complied, under extreme peer pressure and pure ego and pride, while the rest taunted me while i went to ask her, giggling behind me.. lol.. childish la you all.. in the end she said she wasnt, and oh how my heart leapt.. lol.. dun really wanna touch on this subject just yet.. wait on okay yall.. wait on..

okayla.. tired la sia.. just reached home at 10.. Phobos cheerleading.. lol.. kk.. nights!

destiny

2006-04-23T22:23:00.000+08:00

so many things happened, like a leaf lost in a storm. to recount everything, would take me quite some time, but as much as i wanna relieve me of my stress right here on my beloved blog, i wld just wanna take this chance to say a couple.

elections, was not so well prepared i guess. there had been alot of rumors going around regarding me that i am very much aware of. i dare say these might be true, no matter how much i wish they wernt.

let just take em with a pinch of salt, faizal, cus you noe theyve got nuthing better to do. gee, go drown ur head in a fishbowl, ppl.

election day, was nuthing more that a bunch of nerves and nuthing less that a pain in my ass. sitting there for aeons long would very much contribute to my (arse) muscles.. and yeah.. what with all the forced smiles we had to painstakingly endure throughout the ceremony. sheesh.

and what irony.. a stupid joker foto of my lameass stupid face on the screen, while i delivered the seriousest of sermon speeches ever. roflmao. and the thing is, I HAVENT SEEN IT MYSELF. the agony, imagine.

hanging ard.. spent alot staying in fastfood restaurants with the usual gossip queens yanhong sarah sermin chaijun discussing all sorts of things under the sun..

bdae.. yeah.. quite a tremendous response frm the student body.. some ppl i dunnoe (yet) took the pain to begin a convie by wishing me the happiest of birthdays.. received a gift or two. i love the flower, val. thanks! to the 30 odd ppl who crammed by phone early in the morning the moment i woke up to wish me an exciting bdae ahead, i thank you all, thank you v much. XD including the late realisers, at night and the next day. XD

to those who understands my latest developments in life, - HOW I LOVE THURSDAYS, ESPECIALLY ECONS LECTURE AT LT4. how i look forward to it evertyme.. spring has come really early for me.. weeee..

confusion.. been thinking over this for quite some time.. never did i feel troubled over my choice of running for council. ever. had always been affirmative and strongheaded on my decision. but just a few days before the actual results, some factors cropped up, and shook me so hard and made me think twice abt council. who else cld have so much influcence over me, over the decisions i make in life? if you do, raise your hand and come straight to me and tell me so. cus i am very, very confused, and for the first time ever since the day i picked the council application form, i feel very scared as to the outcome of the elections. I would never sacrifice the one thing i hold so dear to me, and that is friendship in whatever length or form it takes. if i get into council tomorrow, and gain personal achievement at the expense of friendship, then truly, have i failed.

half of me wishes i dun get into council. i am that confused, ladies and gentlemen, so give me time and support to adjust and adapt to the changes in my life.

i would very much like to thank my ever so trusted confidant fang lu for going thru this with me, perhaps not in physique, but in spirit, for your guidance and advice has brought me thus far. without you i doubt my very confidance to pursue my dreams, and to your little moskito, tell him i said hi.

sigh.. how everyone else's lives move on without the slightest inkling that tomorrow, Monday, 24th April 2006, at 1730 Hours at LT5, the life story of a boy of seventeen, would change and configure a major part of his life. two roads lie waiting for him to choose, one - the hectic and structured life of a student councillor, and two - the life of a normal schoolboy, with so much more free time to commit to other things in life..

if i were him, how i wished i could choose the latter path. tho it might be victorious for me to get into council, i really hope and pray that whatever decision that was meant for me, be it SC or not, let it be a blessing, let it be the right one. At the end of the day, i decide what's best for me. Balancing between dreams and friends, family and faith, is very tough, but there can be miracles, when you believe.

In God I put my faith.

blood donation

2006-04-06T22:49:00.000+08:00

hmmz.. today i did something really meaningful.

something ive been wanting to do, vowed to fulfil, and have finally done.

i donated blood.

it was kinda exciting to look forward to. at first i signed up during lunch, took the form that requires you to answer the stupidest of questions, like did u pay money to have sex with a prostitute the last couple of weeks? lol. like duh~ =X then i ligned up, thinking that it wld take quite some time to finally reach my turn.

then qiqi called me

and said that i should be in lessons.

i was like.. shit.. okay.. cus i tot and i tot and i tot THAT that was the end of school already.

no wonder none of my class mates were around.. lol.. how idiotic i was..

so rushed over for compass period and pw.. so fun, we inquired our CT about his ~~sex~~life, marriage and stuff, made loottttsss of noise in class and had clean pure fun. the kids helped me brainstorm for rally ideas and they are so enthu and supportive of my lame rally antics.. they agreed to do things on my actual rally day. I LOVE 06s304!

ahaks.

then after sch finally went to donate blood. qiqi was there also.. we went togther thats why lol. anyway, she on the stretcher next to me.. and the fun begins to excalate.. lol.. ppl were CRyInG next to me.. and there i was luffing and getting excited for the donation.

so in all i got poked at thrice today

one for the "wether or not ur not ur iron level is enuf" blood test

one for the painkiller

and one for the real blood extraction.

and the needle? WAS FAT.

after that straight away went for council duties to lead cheers during the match. and they made me bear flags and RUN two rounds arnd the tracks bcos it so happened that MJ scored goals and when i was feeling damn numb and faint and have lost lik half my body's content of blood to save others.. giddy sia. damnit.

got home and here i am doing GP presentation, touch up on pre u seminar research, editting vetted proposal for student council and happy to know that the citibank thingy the straits times are rather happy with our proposal.

i say my thanks to all that are involved in the many projects that we are in together, and my apologies should i act rather differently these past week due to uncontrolled stress management and plain idocy, and fucked-up attitude.

once again, my deepest and sincerest apologies and thanks.

hope u got the drift.

council

2006-04-04T22:34:00.000+08:00

ahks. council interview - intense. wenjian sure did help me alot during the interview. thanks bro. i know there are things i cant put on this blog for "council political reasons".. thanks once again nonetheless.

okay.. 60 ppl down for rallying and elections.. i dun care too much abt rallying for votes you know.. u vote me for who i am.. not because i urge the shit out of you to do so. mind you, if u do see a difference of attitude both on blog and in school, its becos i try to fucking relieve stress here in blog than in anywhere else. there u haf it. don't mind my politeness.

so the first meeting for council nominees and we're already dumped with a load of shit to settle. "as a test to gauge our leadership skills" .. load of bull to me.. so what we have to do is

1- set up a jumble sale
2- make a chocolate week. lol. of which im the in-charge.
3- assembly duties mines on 5th april
4- publicity. for ourselves. of which im rallying with qiqi
5- podium rally. mines on 17th april
6- cheering for the soccer matches.. XD
7- proposals proposals proposals.

i can almost die.

so many things in my hands.. Bio tut chem tut one two three four assignment one econs mindmap maths tut functions graphing and trigo pw PI GP presentation.

CIP youth for causes pre u sem council.

cmon big guy im sure you can do it.

hmm. i dun noe abt this.. but i thing i have finally changed. from what used to be someone hu takes every little friendship seriously, to someone who takes what comes and let go of things that leave..

or ..?

A baaawring saturday.

2006-04-04T22:23:00.000+08:00

Lol this particular saturday ws set aside to haf beach fun with Sarah Sermin Jun Kwang Yu Quan and my new gurlfriend -lol- forgot what her name was..

btw.. sat alone at home.. doing Pre U seminar Shit.. doing Proposal for citibank Youth For Causes CIP.. yada yada..

the day bfore had parents' orientation.. was back up emcee, in case the actual one died halfway on stage then my turn to take over..

so today was rotting at home when sian wei called me to ask me return his white tee i borrowed for emcee back to him.. met up with him and that gay wenjian near my house there.. where fanglu oso live..

then we decided to eat at the nearby kopitiam.. called fanglu down to join us.. not bad quite fun..

ate prata and drank kickapoo. btw since i got into MJ i buy alot of kickapoo sia.. addicted le.. dunnoe why.. kick your poo..

so the four of us wenjian me sian and fang lu ate at kopitiam.. but lu neh eat cus she got dinner at home.. bla bla.. then we talked abt council..

so happened to know that ive made it thru the interview.. kewl.. wow.. joy.. yayayaa..

duno why but halfway i feel lost and regret doing the many things i wanna do..

yaya.

Fun

2006-03-31T16:33:00.000+08:00

Well. like my title suggests.. i had fun yesterday.. went out with Lu and Vin at TM.. right after school.. went to Long John's and haahks.. ordered alot of cheese.

Then she like squirted coke at me. and boy was i wet. yucks.

The next moment there was a lump of cheese on my right chest. I couldnt believe it la.. Fang Lu threw a lump of fermented milk right onto me and made my blue MJ uni look more like TPJ's green. Then i pretended to feed that lil ~~piece of shi-~~ gurl some fries with tartar.. then i purposely smeared whatever shit tartar there was on her cheeks and neck. ahahks MUAHAHAH.. bullseye. Then she like threw ice everywhere.. some in my pockets and all. poor alvin was targeted and became a willing sacrifice.. ahahks..

then walked arnd ice lemon tee and all.. ahahks and went to wats that.. the X-Craft. so happened that the guys there at xcraft noe me well by now.. went there too often to find what? Fuck You band. LOL.. ahahks so everytime i see him i would like.. hey.. got any Fuck You band.. emphasising on the last three words.. then he wld be like.. no FUCK YOU band.. come again la.. then i said.. FUCK YOU. *smiles.. ahahks* LOL.. the sad life of a no-lifer.. ahahks.. then we walked arnd more to 77th street to look for funny colored bears on strings.. and walked arnd more.. went home ahead of them and yeah.. that was basically my day..

bridge

2006-03-23T23:50:00.000+08:00

-thursday 23032006-

the morning announcements told us successful pre-u seminar peeps names wld be posted on the GP board.

stuck a mental note to remember to see it during my recess

then was lining up for food when a fellow acquaintance came and told me i was in.

BOY was i elated.

actually not so. since im already in the team of four selected to cook up a proposal.

then rushed to the board and scanned down the list of 30 successful ppl. Reisha's in, Cassy's in, Anmari's in. BOY. all the HOTTYSCOTTIES are in.. *growl* =P

so shiok la.

played bridge with the usual gang during breakfast.

Qiqi, me, Yu Quan, Junkwang (ithink).

I bid 4 Spades.

cos got Ace King Jack 10 6 4 spade. cool. called Queen Spade as partner.

play.. play.. play...

then skali lost the game.

wtheck~

then came the question.

"So hu my partner hah?"

so all of us stared at each other.

then Qiqi said - Not me.

Jun Kwang said - Not me too.

Yu Quan said - Not me oso.

then we frantically searched our cards for Queen spades.

U noe where?

It was on the floor.

WTF!! the biggest screwup bridge ive ever played.

during compass my class damn happening. i was soo proud to see them gel so fast, bond together so quickly as one. no one was left out in the excitement. our cool CT Mr Ng Hao Jun made us do treasure hunt as icebreaker games, and boy did that sound LAME..

but ALL of us were damn enthu la!!

we playd, my grp won. and we shared the prize - oreos, menthos, kitkats, rochers.

elected chairman and Vchairman. dun want the post animore.. cus running for council..

Sermin - congrats on attaining office.

Sarah - VCGrep.

YanHong - PE rep

JunKwang - PE rep. poor YQ neh get the post. sadness.

then we discussed our first class CIP. okay la.. all were involved.. enthu oso... weee... dun want tell u our class CIP is what.. surprise you.

we aspire to be The Most Compasionate CG.

then i rushed for pre u sem workshop.. cool.. 26 ppl were there..

everyone there oso enthu.. azlyna.. erm .. xiatong.. wysen.. yan han.. aaron.. reisha.. anmari.. cassy.. christine bernadette.. rani!.. arvinder.. ariffin.. Jasmine ~~that bi*ch~~.. yes her.. and so on and so forth..

played icebreakers .. "imagine a balloon game".. where u imagine u hf a balloon and do sth to it and pass it down to the next person.. imagin a marker game..

then we played a very.. cool game to me.. its we all supoprt to touch the hoola hoop with two fingers only, withing gripping it, and the lot of us suppose to bring it to the floor. and OMG i din expect such an easy task that wld normally take one second to do, took us about ten minutes! really! u all shud try it one day. the irony is, the hoola was damn light, but it was difficult for us to actually put it on the floor. really man.. even after the game the kids were questioning what actually happened.. mystery..

then played another game.. all blindfold, but spposed to form a square with a veeerrrryy long melina hemp rope. IT WAS HARD. with eevry one blindfodled, how you expect to do that? in the end.. after so much hussle.. we din manage to make a perfect square..

lol..

then at the end of the workshop day 1, we were asked who wanted to be Oral Presenter, who be Report Writer and who be Reseacher. like almost 20 wanted to be OP.. but only 4 will be selected to present our ideas to the whole forum of JC principals, all JC delegates and Ministers of Education... damn scary sia the prospect.. somemore got Tea with the ministers.. aahks... 5day stay at NUS.. hope its fun..

at the end of the the day, one of the teachers approached me and asked me wether i wantd to be Master of Ceremony for the Parents' Orientation. Took up the job. it was when i reached home already that i realise i haf only one week to memorise the script. SHIET. and the script still hafnt give. thank God my other MC partner's Azlyna.. she said its Fate.. we meant to be together.. 8 year friendship.. afterall.. we were primary sch friends..

council form finally passed to Ms Low for CT recommendation.. hope turns out well..

i swear i really am lost as to how to juggle my studies, my CCA, my commitments, my pre U sem, my CG, my other activities, my CIP, mosk, my friends, and other outside schl stuff. im really lost. maybe ive not felt the impact yet, maybe i am not ready to feel the real pressure.. maybe its just a matter of time before i actually break down.. i really hope i can commit my best to all that i put myself into.. i really mean it..

went home after visiting the mosk and the friends there.. long time never go there.. starting to miss the folks there.. man..

prayed a special prayer today..

here goes..

"God grant me strength to face each day, shed light upon my way.. ease me of my task, as how You helped and guided Your servant Moses when he was called upon by Pharoah and his men.. remove the impediment from my speech, bring out the best in me so that i can better serve You and Your Nation.. and to the ppl arnd me.. bond my heart to them, and theirs to mine, for You haf granted me the best of companions, the best of gifts.. gimme strength, and stay with me, God. Ameen."

really, i needed that.

till next time yall.

pride

2006-03-23T23:27:00.000+08:00

-Wednesday 220306 -

yeah.. after sch today.. we went in three chartered buses to toa pah yoh (shit i duno how to spell that) to support albertus in his Pilot Pen Badminton Compy with RJC.

it was like this... Albertus whacked that RJC KBK guy like shiet.

i feel damn proud to be MJian la.

scores were, I think - 15-7, 15-12.

We cheeeered and cheeeeered..

lol.. me and shiqi ran around the entire stadium with the MJ flag.. so proud of albertus.. stopping right in front of RJ, did a small boogie and stuck our tongues at them, then ran back to MJ's side of the courts.

duno how many times that RJ guy fall down and threw his racket on the floor.

then damn KB sia he.

if win never mind.

lose already still wanna show attitude, sit one corner and sulk, with arms folded. sore loser.

went home with the usuals.. after eating at McD toa pay yoh.

till next time yall.

bonding

2006-03-23T23:11:00.000+08:00

-tuesday 210303-

and as the title goes.. today isnt realie that bad.. ahahks.. can see some bonding up in my class.. except for the TJ-rejects - wanchin liwen haniff and all - .. but we did hang out alot together during recess. i really feel proud to see them come together against dissimilar backgrounds, overcoming all differences to sit together and eat lunch as one 06S304.

hmm..

school was damn fun la.

fun if u get to sleep in lectures and still get away with it.

lol, the soooooothing lullaby of a voice the PW lecturer has really patted me and Yu Quan and Jun Kwang to sleep. we reaali did sleep, heads nodding and nodding in silent agreement to whatever crap the lecturer was coming up with.

fun if u get to play bridge in the canteen every possible break.

aahks

went home with yan hong andrew and junkwang and YH's friend rachelle, who knew me onli three hours, before she actualli wrote me a testi for student council form. we clicked so well.. we were luffing away in McDs.

heres an excerpt of our conversation: Fz - orange Rac - pink YH - blue

"eh Yanhong that two big pimple of yours so long neber go away hah."

"where got long, only since before first three months what"

"thats no pimple! thats a wart!"

"aiyo.. that nose on your pimple damn ugly la.."

"what!? nose on pimple!?"

*bursts out in luffter*

yeah.

about thats all for the day..

till next time yall.

Rebirth

2006-03-22T22:38:00.000+08:00

-monday 20032006-

New CG. kewl.

i was like.. shit, God help me, land me in 06S303. not for any logical reason. I just love the number. u noe.. 303.. and hey, guess what. after feeling so much like a freshie myself, I realised I landed in 06S304. okay.. not bad.

and so i lined up during morning assembly.

then i saw next to my class, the class 06S303. AND shit it was Ms Low, my ex-CT, and i was struck with a sharp sense of jealosy. The damn ppl in 06S303 now, are damn lucky to get a damn good teacher like Ms Low. Damn.

then i saw the class on my right. 06S305. AND DAMN AGAIN. The hottiescotty was THERE! shit, i missed both class just by one friggin number. ONE number! argh.

but then again, i must say im very much lucky to get my first three months ppl bac in 06S304. They really hypen things up. YEP! and basically 9 out of the total strength 25 of my classmates are from AHS, 3 are from Temasek Sec, 3 more are from my primary school, and the rest easily clicked well with me. so yeah.

AND.

im CG REP.

okay fine. CG chairperson, wadever.~

and u noe how i got that shit job!?

i was talking my ass off in class.

the next moment Mr Ng Hao Jun of extension 315, lvl 3 staffroom, pointed at me and "YOU! CG REP!"

the three words struck me like icycold blades of ridicule to the point of hilary that i almost knocked over. really.

and boy was the shitjob tough. had to run up and down collecting money from the kids, purchase notes, collect forms, ask them to vote for surveys, tell them on upcoming CG events, gather contact list, inform them on future payments.. SHIT LA. damn. then enter LT for econs late, kena shoot by that bi*ch of a lecturer, and voila.

yeah.

the morning of monday they announced councillor wannabes be gathered infront of GO to meet Fab. they gave out forms for those who was interested, or shud i say, keen, to join the board of councillors.

and then i went on a testimonial-hunting spree..

first got one from phira.. after so much naggin.. then alvin... the sincerest of testimonials.. then qiqi.. woah, damn long.. jun zhi, damn honored to haf him write.. as 2nd intake freshman, jasmine, with her sharp sense of observation, i swear i din noe id possess all the qualities she mentioned in my testi.. rachelle, whom i only know for three hours when she actually wrote for me in McDonalds', Rubayn, then Farzanna my OGL! woahh.. ahahks.. had to zap all my cca records and testimonials.. shit la.. my testi said my attendance and punctuality - very good. my report comments say i need to improve on punctuality - perpetually late. which i really was. oh boy.. contradictions..

and thats, the first day of school, for me.

till next time ppl.

overnite

2006-03-19T17:05:00.000+08:00

Saturday, i was rotting. to the point that my bones were nearly exposed.

then came 3 oclock.. went over to pasir ris with dad first to set up the tent and the bbq and all.

then i sat there.

then came my mom and sis and all.

then we made the place look abit like home.

then we bbqed the satay and prawns.

then came an old friend of mom's

then we spent the time adding carbon monoxide to the atmosphere

then we waited for another 5 families to come.. all are my aunts' and uncles and their kids and all

then we played ball while the adults chatted and partied

then i cooked some funny smses on my fone

then we watched gramps and uncles and dad fish

then we made alot of mess while making drinks

then we just simply lazed around and partied

then i went to find a toilet

then i wondered wether i would ever find a toilet

then alvin gave me a call

then i felt my bladder on the verge of bursting

then i peed

then i drank again

then i peed and drank

then i slept awhile after a whole day adding soot to my face

then the other fifty or so ppl continued ot make lots of mess chatted drank ate and all

then the kids went around like theres no tomorrow

then i woke up

then i .. wait, did i say woke up?

then yeah.. slept my way till 6 whereas the rest partied all nite

then woke up again

then teh kids went swimming

then i sat there half wishing a tsunami would come

then we ate breakfast

then we realised we were dying from lack of sleep

then we packed up

then we went home

that was when Life began for me

the bed was calling me

and i so slipped into slumberland

wee..

then SLAM!

was forced to wake up after only three hours sleep

then needed to send someting to gramps house

then went home

then now blogging and playing Yeeha!Pool with that idiot alvin

then i now i wait for 12 hours more to school. yeeehaaw~

till next time yall.

Juggling failure

2006-03-17T19:41:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I dropped a ball while picking up another.

When juggling between friends, you tend to pay attention to what to catch next and when to throw one. While trying to pick yet another ball, one dropped off from my hands, and rolled far away. I couldnt be bothered to stop just to pick that one up. Its useless.

The night before Id spent two hours on the fone with Francesca. Till waaay past midnight. We talked about lots of things.. about how friendship can turn so acidic it'll burn a hole in ur face.

I miss Franc so so much. We drew an overphone vow to never miss out on each other ever again even thos shes in VJ and haf sort of lost contact with the rest of 06S303.

Then yesterday I, like i said, i picked one old ball! I met up with 9 other extemasekians and we had fun at Orchard. it was like the good old days.. The ten of us watched yours mine and ours, and just talked alot.. reminisced on the secondary life.. played the LAN that i never mastered in.. yeah.. guess it was lots of real real fun.

Until the sms came.

So happened that I missed out on another social gathering.. and you know how backstabbing ppl can get. Enuff said..

So yeah... today is a whole new day.. managed to juggle yet another ball.. spent time at gramps house and met up with three other cuzzins.. so fun..

Din run the errand that i was supposed to do.. intended to drop by pasir panjang ( or was it potong pasir.. damn.. so confusin..) to send something to someone.. so happened that that sumone was uncontactable.. so the errand will be postponed to another day.. whee..

tomorrows gonna be fun.. i think i am gonna go the sargas cum OGL bbq at east coast park.. that is if im free and haf finish setting up my own bbq at pasir ris.. two bbqs in one day.. joy.

hahaks.. i was lookin back at the book which i took down notes for the orientation.. remembered how the councillors used to say that the week after the ori the OGLs will fall sick for a week.. i was down only for a day after the ori. but poor some other ppl are down for 6 days and counting.. get well soon ya?

till next time yall.

ps: you all can comment on my posts u noe. theres a comment link right below this.

ahahks. thankew..

mom and sons day out

2006-03-15T15:58:00.000+08:00

ahahks. tuesday.. wanted to do some stay home and rot regime.. but mom asked me out and so one mom and three sons went over to orchard road..

did a bit of shopping, so i got a new billabong backpack. kinda abit blue and all.. suits me cus me new uniform is liteblue in color.. actually wanted a khaki-orangey backpack, but realised its too dull against the blue mj uniform background.

oh yeah the reason why i got a backpack was because, since primary five, i had been sticking myself to slings, and shoulders.. so after 6 years, my upperback is like aching la.. thank god backpack. thus far im collecting billabong merchandise.. lacking billabong slippers and cap. and maybe, just maybe, a surfboard. XD

my youngest bro splurged 39 bucks on a new skatesboard toy thing. i was like, mum, the money clda been used to get me a pair of billabong underwear man!

and so was the sad life of Faizal the Miser.

`till next time yall.

boys day out

2006-03-15T14:59:00.000+08:00

the monday of the march holz, i was home alone. it so happened that mutton Alvin had to go for an NRP interview at Nanyang Technical University, and he was alone. so i decided not to rot at home and see the sun at least. met up at 12 at tamp mrt platform..

the journey to the end of the east-west line to Boon Lay took 59 minutes.. and we talked crap on the way. poot mutton alvin wasnt feelin well, so the crap we were talking about turned to lamity and all.. the usuals..

the interview was over, and so alvin and i parted soon after to meet up with ma sister at pasir ris library. we browsed thru some books, and scooted off to tamp library where we borrowed books more.

reached home, and yeah..

till next time yall.

Orientation

2006-03-08T22:02:00.000+08:00

HAHAHKS. ORIENTATION is a big joke.

tot it was really gonna be fun. but day one and two sucks la.

to begin with, monday was supposd to be like, go to school with Mus and hey guess what he left first, but in the end i had to wait 55 minutes for a cab and was almost an hour late. well done faizal.

then we got a bunch of the worlds most unenthu ppl. enuf said, u go picture it out. spent the afterschools with reisha and cassy and meryl the worlds three biggest bimbotic bimbos the world has the unfortune to see. but hey, whats a guy doing with three pretty gals man.. aahhaks at coffeebeans.. caramel latte.. lolz. if u all hafnt got the drift yet, im fallin in love.

what else.. lets see.. forgot to my password to MJ student portal, hence din register subj combi, had to do it in HODs office. and guess what im transfrd to ALHENA THREE damnit. now to whom should i pledge allegiance to now? CASTOR or ALHENA. damnit. now i gotta get new house tee shirt. from bold and dashing black to hot and sizzling red. not bad ah. thank God not the funny sick ~~yellow~~ green. Thank God.

lets see.. day two.. sucked as well. telematch and all.. sucked..

day three.. got new bunch of ppl as my OG.. its castor three.. yeah.. notice how much fun i injected in saying CASTOR THREE. damn.. i couldnt believe hoe idiotic a guy can be.. there was this idiot la.. enthu but was a leader who was never meant to be.. so damn irritating.. annoying, like to contort the cheers and make fun of everything, from the school anthem to how the OGLs perform their duties. heres an excerpt of my argument with the somebody.. blue faizal, red him.

"WAH LAO, whats this, you tick my name for the money collection yesterday, why tick again? so ma fan!"

"im sorry, my lord, but yesterday was a different day, and today is a new admin day, a new form to fill. ~~you pain in my arse~~"

"you people sure are stupid la.. why cant you just save paper?!"

"im sorry again sir, if you have such wonderful ideas, WHY DUN YOU RUN FOR PRESIDENT OF THE STUDENT COUNCIL?"

and then he shut up. btw, i knew he said some time before abt running for president. good luck man. i will so ~~screw Ms Lai~~ kiss the floor if you even ever get into council.

and so.. did some circle of trust, CSI, which was lame la.. yeah..

thursday MMM.. okay la.. very de lame and tiring oso.. got 4th or sth..

friday campfire.. DAMN fun la.. yeah.. thats abt all

Castor was fifth. tho we din win the championships this year, we did win the hearts of the freshmen. everyone was damned hyped up.. and we had the most fun ever.. the constellation houses (Alhena Castor Regulus Sargas Vega) were handed down to the planetary moon houses (Atlas Callisto Miranda Phobos Triton).. and yeah.. was kinda saddening la.. for more reference you might wanna visit alvin's blog for indepth details. we sang one slow lament over the inaugural passing down of the houses, and boy am i gonna miss Castor.

heres a bit of background info for yall.

ALHENA

Gamma Geminorum (γ Gem / γ Geminorum) is a star in the constellation Gemini. It also has traditional names Alhena and Almeisan. Alhena is 105 light years distant from Earth, and has an apparent magnitude of 1.93 (absolute magnitude −0.7) and belongs to the spectral class A0. It is a spectroscopic binary with a faint class-G companion. The name Alhena is from the Arabic Al Han'ah, "the brand" (on the neck of the camel), whilst the alternate name Almeisan is from the Arabic Al Maisan, "the shining one."

(wheres the mighty immortal dragon!?)

CASTOR

Castor (α Gem / α Geminorum / Alpha Geminorum) is the second brightest star in the constellation Gemini and one of the brightest stars in the nighttime sky. Although it has the Bayer designation "alpha", it is actually fainter than Beta Geminorum (Pollux). Castor and Pollux are the two "heavenly twin" stars that give the constellation Gemini (meaning "twins" in Latin) its name.

(ahahks i see no semblance of a bear in it)

REGULUS

Regulus (α Leo / α Leonis / Alpha Leonis) is the brightest star in the constellation Leo and one of the brightest stars in the nighttime sky.Regulus is approximately 77.5 light years from Earth's Solar System. Its name is Latin for "prince." It is also known as Al Kalb Al Asad, from Arabic القلب الأسد al-qalb[u] al-´asad, meaning "the heart of the lion." This phrase is sometimes approximated as Kabelaced, or translated into Latin as Cor Leonis. In Hindu astronomy, Regulus corresponds to the Nakshatra Magha. Regulus is considered the last first magnitude star in the sky because the next brightest star, Adhara, has a magnitude of 1.50, officially making it a second magnitude star. Of the brightest stars in the sky, Regulus is closest to the ecliptic, and the sun makes its closest approach around August 23 of each year. This fact also means that Regulus is regularly occulted by the Moon. Regulus has about 3.5 times the Sun's mass, and is a young star only a few hundred million years old. It is spinning extremely rapidly, with a rotation period of only 15.9 hours, which causes it to have a highly oblate egg shape. This results in gravity darkening: its poles are considerably hotter and brighter than its equator. If it were rotating only 10% faster the centripetal force of gravity would not be enough to keep it from tearing itself apart. In the religion of Stregheria, Regulus is a fallen angel and quarter guardian of the southern gate.

(I see.. from the heart of the lion.. to a mighty duck)

SARGAS

Theta Scorpii (θ Sco / θ Scorpii) is a star in the constellation Scorpius. It also has the traditional names Sargas and Girtab, both of Sumerian origin. θ Scorpii A is a yellow giant of spectral type F1 II shining with a luminosity of 960 times that of the Sun from a distance of 272 light years. The radius of this star is 20 solar radii and its surface temperature is 7200 kelvins. The mass of Sargas has been determined to be 3.7 times the solar mass.

(yay.. first logical link. sargas from a constellation scorpius)

VEGA

Vega (α Lyr / α Lyrae / Alpha Lyrae) is the brightest star in the constellation Lyra, and the fifth brightest star in the sky. It is the second brightest star in the Northern night sky, after Arcturus, and can often be seen near the zenith in the mid-northern latitudes during the Northern Hemisphere summer. The name Vega comes from the Arabic word waqi meaning "falling", via the phrase نسر الواقع an-nasr al-wāqi‘, translated "the swooping vulture". As part of the constellation Lyra it represents a jewel set in the body of the harp.

(from vulture to puma.)

okay.. so yeah..

Rubayn my OHL.. nice chap... gone.. everyone was crying.. castor spent the last few moments singing "Graduation" with handphones as torchlights.. i too wasnt out on the weeping part.. sad can..

one last thing.. i would like to take this opportunity to wish my friend Fang Lu all the best for life in Temasek Poly. tho we wldnt meet as often as before.. I would still be unfortunate enuff to see her face again in the future..

`till next time yall.

When it all started.. Life of a Meridian

2006-03-04T16:58:00.000+08:00

Okay. first thing first. IM BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!

uhrm.. yeah. what dyou expect man, this skin took me countless nights to finish it, and NO i did not modify nothing. i did this from scratch. i noe its abit too ugly plain and complicated and all. but heck ah!

secondly. the last post was dated 25012006. todays 04032006. like.. wow.. 5 solid weeks without blogging. wah shiok. my typing prowess are turning soft. oh gee, sounds wrong.

with school ending late everyday and CG outings and reaching home no earlier that 7 pm everyday, no wonder this poor fingers dun get to touch the sexy, hard, and black.. keyboard. im like. crapping, but bear with it. in case you find me a bit politically incorrect or practising too much freedom of speech, feel free to drown yourself in the toilet bowl. the last time anything was in my bowl was when i threw my kid brother's annoyingly loud toygun in. SO 'BEAR' WID ME (MJC Castorians should get me. and the rest of the lame houses too. like ~~regulus~~ sargas oh well. no rivalry XD)

next. many things happened ever since 250106. like. getting 12 for Os. LIKE OH WELL, 12 is okay. shouldn't i be counting my lucky stars. i really dun get it man. you get 12 in AHS or CCHS and you cry like no ones business, like its the end of the world. but think again. ppl in Bedok Something Secondary School will be worshipped if they get like 12. SO the summary is, be grateful of what you get. Now im in MJ full time. damnit, anyone wanna swap places with me!?!? i want poly! (din someone just mention abt being grateful!?)

then there was chingay. lol. the friday was DAMN tiring laaa... had to move the goodiebags all over ~~Orchard~~ the road, but yeah. FUN we had. saturday was okay, abit boring cus we saw the processions twice. soya.

then there was... ponning of classes. im like dumb laa, one time i was shouting across the school buiilding (exaggeration) telling muy friend to PON maths tutorial, when the maths tutor was just behind me. damn screwup. but we got thru it all. basically nothing much happened most of the days. cus most of it we ponned it all. playing taiti and bridge in the library. there was this one time when this class ponned lesson, and the teacher was in the library, and guess what, it was like CAT and MICE chase in the library. was almost like a cartoon sia. i saw the teacher disappear at one end of the shelves, and the kids appear at the other end. zigzagging among the shelves to avoid the teacher. the ending can easily be imagined. XD

hmm.. what else. yeah. i got into the first round of the pre university seminar where idiots like me and a couple of other muttons represent the college along with other muttonheaded colleges like god noes what and meetup at this funny university (NUS. btw. did you know that if you put "A" in front of "NUS" you get something deep dark and dirty.) oh yeah. then, second round, interviews. 30 of the muttons got interviewd, and in two days i was told to meet the teacher in charge along with 3 other muttons to cook up a proposal for NUS. seems i was accepted. thank God my primary sch friend was in the team. but no thanks God, you put two other morons in the team as well. well done. (sounds familiar, alvin? =P )

what else. oh yeah up to date ive watched Memoirs of a Gaysha, I not stoopid Two, cheaper by the dozen and Big momma's house 2 in two months. darn.

OGL (orientation group leader) has been taking most of the time i have. spent alot of late days at college doing banners placards and spraying plasters black (identities for the freshies).. halfway thru our business some mutton wld end up onning the radio, and we all mass danced. stress management, to be politically correct. wanna noe sth. Castor (my house) has one third of it made up of my classmates. once Castor had an internal clash with the authorities. and somehow i managed to threaten the Orientation House Leader that should he disturb one of us again, all 10 of us will withdraw from OGLs and that will leave you crippled. hahks relax, but i said this in some jokey wokey tone. so he played along and all, pretending he was scared (which i assumed he really was).

most of the rest of the time i went pool with alvin fanglu jessica and dora, bowled with alvin and my CG at Downtown east, then again with them to orchard road where we did lots of shyte, and got roadpicked by this modelling agency, and some of us foolishly signed up for some stoopid modelling inetrview.. i crashed TJ and VJ with Yanhong and Zul my new CG friends.. realised that TJ was ~~bloody bawring~~ lacking in fun and excitement, VJ was okay but the ppl there were cold. unfriendly i said. this crashing, btw, was on VDay, and VJ put up quite some hoohah for Vday. well done. (oh no, im like copying Al's latest catchphrase) only thing i liked abt VJ was that they have an Igloo, where students slacked and played pool, and i playted God of War on their PStwo. then there was one day i ponned school halfway with phira and johnnie, and we sorta bought Janet some farewell presents before being part of the entourage of ppl who were at the airport to mourn the ~~demise of our beloved Janet~~ departure of Janet to Australia for further studies. heard she was doing well, but the studies are tough tho. had a rekkie to sentosa for OGLs, and boy was it damn fun. if you cld trace the sarcasm within that last sentence, give yourself one clap.

sure many things happened, i fought with my friends, my friends fought with me, (mutual fighting, fair ma..).. and yeah.. was bloody tired, but enjoyed all the same, tried to cut down on my vulgarities, did a bit of juggling, if u get what i mean. u noe, juggling your balls of social circles, between new friends and old, and boy was it hard. maintaining friendship is hard, but i tried. i really did try. sometimes you accidentally dropped a ball while juggling. sometimes you ignore and keep on juggling, but at times you stop to pick that one precious golden ball, and resume the juggling. its hard, but one advice to you all out there, keep on trying. you may look like a clown, but you noe u've tried, and at the end of the day, well done, youre a full time juggling circus freak. =)

till next time yall.

Brothers Night Out

2006-01-25T10:35:00.000+08:00

It was a fine bawring weekened, and Faizal just received a msg from Bro Mohksin on Thursday night, while he was at mosk for the regulars after a whole long day at school. Life was getting tougher by the day, and Faizal could never go on with the harshness of mundane reality without seeking and imploring solace from the Great. Each little step he took towards mosk, was another step to getting total bliss, attain seventh heaven and ultimatley acceptance from the One. Upon completing his usual intimate and personal prayers at about 930pm, Faizal walked towards home sweet home..

Friday went by like a breeze, and Saturdy soon came by.. In the morning he attempted hard at reading his Bio and Econs lecture notes but by the word he read, his eyes started to flutter and was heavy-laden with the weight of inevitable sleep, and slumber soon came by. The whole day he fought an endless battle between mugging and dozing, internet and music.. the usual bawring nonentiies of his life..

Soon dusk settled and Fz rang up Bro Mohk (aka Tok Sen XD) and asked what time they should meet up for the "slumber party" that night. Faizal was rather scared for he was going to meet Mohk's friends, whom he had never met before.. So, they decided to go somewhere first, and Mohk drove as tho he was on Need For Speed, and soon after our little business, they drove towards Alkaff mosk near bedok reservoir at about 11pm, after sending Mohk's Sis and Mom home and changed at his house for a while. So upon reaching the House Of God there, Faizal was introduced to the group of guys there, and we finally clicked like no ones business. They were a group of really spiritual and fun loving, wacky guys, that are easy to go along with. Incidentally, Faizal was the youngest there. Being the sole sixteen yr old amomg a group of thirteen 20/21 plus yr olds was not easy to play along with, but nonetheless, all being the childish boys that they were, faizal managed to get along pretty well. After the introduction session, Faizal got to know Hafiz from Saff, Muzzammil from NUS Arts and Soc Sc firstyear, Ashraff from NTU Psychology, Ridzuan whom Faizal already knew a couple of yrs back when he went for the Hijrah walk, and Ridz was the facilitator of Faizal's group. There were more of the guys there, and they were great. Muz, Ash and Faizal talked into the wee hours of the night (and the next day as well) about sociopolitical issues, and the future of the current generation. To be exact, this was not Faizal's real cup of tea, but he sipped it bit by bit and enjoyed it nonetheless, seeing that the new friends he made were great speakers and they came from the Arts and Soc Sc dept from Unis. Which was what Faizal was really interested in - Psychology. So.. we kinda talked into the nite, and at about 1 or 2 in the morn, everyone fell asleep.

A few hours of sleep didnt really inpair our focussing skill the next morn. Early dawn, at about five, the guys performed the morning prayers and we soon listened to a talk.. I was rather sleepy by then.. and at about six plus, seven, we played a bit of takraw and a bit more of soccer. Faizal was not realy good at both sports, but he tried and maanged to save a few goals and headbutted the takraw ball into the air. Not too bad.. So at bout 8, Faizal and Mohksin bade farewell to the guys and we hopped onto Mohksin's carriage and sped off for Mohksins house to gather his mom and sis and send his sis to school. After an hour or so, Mohk, Fai and Mohks' mom went jogging at Bedok Reservoir Park, and being the slowpoke that Faizal was, he didnot really run as fast as Superman Mohksin. Initially, Faizal did not plan for the morning jog, so he went there shoeless, on slippers instead. So Mohk wore his shoes and Faizal wore Mohks's sandals. Faizal was flatfooted, and the sandals were meant for normal footed peeps and had a hump on teh soles, and so, to summarise it all, faizal incurred mighty bruises on his soles and hurt his ankles at the end of the day. Oh yeah, faizal's feet were about a couple of sizes too big for the sandals. Did a couple of pullups and all, and watched Mohk train fro his IPPT, and all, and soon he drove me home at about 11, and the mom and son went of to market..

Faizal reached home and slept like no ones business.

Monday - Faizal went to school and realised he was selected among two hundred and fifty otehrs to become Orientation Group Leaders for the second batch o freshmen. This means:

1- Faizal is bound to MJC
2- It's hard for him to change institutions after his O results come out
3- He will die thinking of wether to go to a better JC. stay. or enrol in Poly instead.

Faizal prays each nite for guidance and direction in Life. and he thinks it's working. let's hope.

Tuesday - Faizal went for the first OGL meeting, and did his utmost enthu-best to bring up the spirit. Knowing that anyone can be scrapped off the list of the OGLs anytime. School ended at 7, and he had one hour to reach home and at 830 he has to submit the games proposal onlin. crazy. in the end he submitted it at 925.

Wednesday - Faizal is here in the library of MJ typing the recounts of his life.

MJC

2006-01-09T15:56:00.000+08:00

OKAY BACKKKKK with more hot news.

firstly the holz sucked like shit. did nuthing much and not much holidayin cus the whole familys busy with their own jazz.. lol, then.. went to Msia for some nonsense.. the usuals.. lol.. still cldnt wait for the hols to end.. then went for some holy nonsensical love of magic or wadever, where they basically tried to drill in their faith into you by talking abt funny yellow doors, walls and balls. lol.. me and al and khai and az and ily were freaked lah, basically, and ran outa the hall before we get converted into Christianity. lol. then what ah. uhrm.. went to the beach a couple of times.. had fun with cussins and gramps and all.. basically hols are just a waste of my time.. get the As done and over with better la ah.. hrm.. yeah there were some drama with my friends.. so ya. sauce. lol. familiar, duncha think.

spent the transition time between 31december and 1jan on the fone at midnite/earlymorning with alvin.. lol crapped abt whatnots under the sun.

i practically had a postits countdown pasted on my bedroom door. and yeah. i got into MJ science stream. hum dee dum..

went for the KI aptitude test, and guess what topic. yeah spot on, "religion is bt mere structured superstition, discuss" wah piang. but hey. yeah. in the end i prioritise me bio, so dropped KI instead.. lol.. then, first day of school on a tuesday.. waaaaahh THANK GAWD my OGmembers are the ON, HAPPENING kewl ones.. lol i wld have been stuck with half dead ducks. lol no pun intended. sorry reggies.

then.. first day did some icebreaking, but no problem lah, the ice not that thick, haahks played stuff like whacko, but before anyone cld say my name i was dead. im toooo SLOW. first day was okay.. met new friends.. first got to noe this VS guy KHAI. lol one super lame guy.. not bad lah friend material.. so ya. then.. ended at abt one, then dunno what i did after that.. made more friends, like Singwei VS, Jianrong VS, five AHS people, JianHui, Junkwang, yanhong, cheryl, clarin. ShiQi aka Phira's neighour from PRS, Sanva from XinMin, ZiHui from cedar, Three CCH Francesca Audrey Tracy, Two TKG, Nazirah and Peijun, and one damai yanjia. OVERALL, THEY RAWK MJ.

oh by the way im in CASTOR V. there are the lousy Vegans, the stoopid Alhenians, the lame reggies, the laoya sargas and the SUPERDUPER COOL UBERFANTASTIC ULTRASUPERSONIC CASTORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
my OGLs were Farz (damn cute) Larry (damn .. urhm.. nice) DingQiang (superkewl) and HouYing (ciao ah lian)

second day was where more hype came in.. we learnt mass dances.. at first the gurls learnt it first while the boys went for some choir auditions. hen lame lor.. purposely luffed through the whole thing, made the poor guy play the piano over and over again, say i cant hear it.. lol.. all the guys were basically tryina run away from choir. lol. most of em anyway.

then we learnt mass dance, to the tunes of Livin La vida loca.. quite kewl lah the dance.. then couple dance to the grooves of Accidentally in Love.. waaaaahh guess who my parnter was. RANI. well i cldnt ask for more.. the others were all so not on, all the other gurls like bleh.. still! okay.. then we super on me and rani, sabrina and ryan, phira and justine, shikin and celine, rasyidah and her bf, so funnny sab keep scolding ryan.. in the end me and rani went up stage to demo to the hall.. lol.. so embarrassing, but still had lotsa fun..

then later we had OH time.. i went bathe with junkwang and jianhui in the guys toilet.. cus were all sticky and all, so uncomfy.. then we went into the hall got some breifing for Meridian CSI.. basically need to run arnd the school performing tasks, piecing clues together and ask coucillors for points.

all in all. the day was fun, reached home at abt 7pm.

third day was supposed to meet the whole of freshmen MJ at Harbor Front Interchange at abt 645am. so i woke up at 530, and met up with Phira and Jon, took mrt to harbor front. along the way i caught up with Singwei and Khai and San. lol. went we reached harbor front, the WHOLE WORLD seemed to be there.. there were so many J1s sitting on the control hall at harbor front that the operations manager had to shoo us away from the ticketing machines.. lol.. we waited quite some time for the rest of our OG to reach then we were to walk towards the busses for a bus ride to sentosa.. lol.. took us a LONG time.. okay then the busses were crowded with whole of Mj early in the morning. in the end had to wait for whole of MJ at sentosa harbor.. lol.. then the day began. were supposed to complete tasks.. yada yada.. had fun lah basically, clashed into the NYJians.. so lame lor they all no sportsmanship, nolifers.. so dead.. they cheered their NYJ cheers infront of us, we counetrcheered them with THEIR own cheir but much better, they super paiseh then. then got one time my grp surrounded one whole NYJ grp, and cheered out loud for them to hear.. we super on i tell you..

got one of teh tasks held at the rock garden, i had to stuff like four marshmallows in me mouth without biting, and say out this scientific name of a certain plant and made sure that my team members caught what i said, find the plant and take a picture of it to gain scores.. lol.. in the end i was spitting away embarassingly.. lol..

the day ended with a blast tho it was raining like shit.. did mass dances again in the sentosa MPH.. then.. went home not with al and gang and Fl this time tho sorry need to bangseh you all.. we were in the OG hyperspirit lah basically.. so i went to harbor front at abt 7pm with all my OG members, and ate at the foodcourt with ALOT more other freshies, waited for the OGLs to finish debrief at sentosa then we started eating.. the food sucked lor.. so ex some more.. then we talked abt campfire preparations.. abit here there.. then in the end wanted to go home share cab with my OGL and other members but the queue was damn super long la.. so we all took train. in the train, my OG gals were alllllll still hyped up, we played teh funny baby shark game in the train, did cheers in the train, id all sorts of funny high lame stuff.. then almost kena scolding from the commuters.. ahahks.. made new friends on the train and all.. so fun. reached home at abt 11..

friday.. lol.. DID ONE FUN CAMPUSWIDE WATER ACTIVITY - WET AND WILD. every station you go got water bombs la.. water hose and all. PLUS the weather was SO SUITABLE. it was drizzing, rained ALOT, then drizzled again.. super kewll.... then.. we plaeyd until we were drenched.. i went to my VS friend's house for shower with four other guys, cus he live in pasir ris and the bloody schooltoilets were cram. then.. we went to ta bao food from the westmall, then we what ah.. go back school, then we discssed campfire performance.. then at 430 we reported for rehearsal. lol, the most important part was to haf fun, not so much abt performing.. so we did impromptu pontianak dance with our faces painted with facial mask.. lol.. sang to hollaback gurl, ma humps and becos of you.. lol.. then after castor performances.. me and a few other castorians stood on the table and cheered like no ones business, made the mood there high and cheerful.. got awarded points for that.. then we cleaned up.. at abt ten.. while the VS boys sang tehir school song en masse.. nearly got a fight between them and the councillors.. then.. went home with phira by cab. DAMN TIRED.

the next day saturday woke up at abt noon. waaaaah headache sia cheered so loud, voice like rawk sia.. power.. can sing to nickelback le.. so hoarse.. then leg super cram, head super heavy. waahh.. then logged on abit.. did a few jazz here and tehre, dnled finish adobe photoshop.. lol.. then at abt after dinner i went back online. heres what.

i was just talking to a fellow OG member, then skali got a few others joined in, so grp chat with abt 5 ppl. then more ppl came, abt 7, then OGLS came online oso! abt 9 le, then OHL head leader of orientation JayKhoo went online on our grp chat oso, then guess who went on? LaiGuang of castor6 OGL, then Ali J2 councillor, then more councillors went online into our grp chat, and lastly, Mus our president of student coucil.. WAH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKK. we were still hyper by then, we did like, online CASTOR CHEERS, did alot of flashbcks, talked crap for abt 5 hours until waaay past midnite.. talked abt how castor5 rawks.. then waaah.. so tired.. cheerd more, until 2 am.. then i slept right on the keyboards.

the next day was total crap. i was super bawrd so went online. this was sunday mind you.. fanglu was away with alvin to some TKG party.. sooo romantic.. i din foloe thats why.. actually no la, i cldnt follow sorry al cus firstly i was fatigued, second i was dried up my OG hafnt pay me cash and thirdly i was invited by Mus to play pool with them at the same place same time.. so i cldnt bangseh anyone only to go to the same place and discover that im cheated. lol.. so denied both requests la.. so sowie hor..

then today monday. im in skool typing this shit, waiting for 530 for squash to start practise so that me and singwei can go watch them play.. yeah.. so early morning at 620 met fanglu at near my house there at tampines, then met with muslim at his house there.. went over to the wafer fabrication park to take a bus to school together.. councillors are supposed to report earlier for duties, some more he is the president.. but to day me and lulu made him late.. sorrie hor brudder.. ahahs.. anything i try to make up ba.. (ya lor must leh cus me and lulu wanna join coucil wat, wat better way to suck up XD. this is all politics) lol.. then reached skool at abt 730.. alala.. day sucked lah.. first lessons.. oops..lectures.. so lame.. so bawring.. then maths super fast sia that guy teach.. partialn fractions sia.. chim pan zee. lol.. aahks.. so yeah.. updates updates of my life...

ADIOS LAH. SO TIRED LE.

ilyana's last words for me.

2005-12-19T13:44:00.000+08:00

Ghetto says:
Testi for Faizal (keep noe!): This guy understands a girl emotionally and will try his hardest to make his friends happy. At times i tink hes just pure psycho coz he wud laugh in the middle of mt class for no damn reason and do things dat a normal sane person wont do. Hes fun to be ard, its hard not to like him. He also has an emotional side which scares da shyt of me smtyms but aside for that hes

Ghetto says:
a great friend who has helped me find my mr.k...Thankx for everytg, god bless and may ur love life prosper!!!

ahahks

sweet aint it. i love you ily. ahahsk.. may you also flourish bloom prosper shine outstand outwit out back outplay outcast in TJC too! ahahks.. and.. pls pls pls persuade mrK to consider TJ after March. ahahks.. one more thing.. do keep your friends.. you get what i mean.. ahahks.. cus they are the peeps that haf treaded the same path in life as you did, when no one else in this world bothered to.

"it takes just one person to get the friendship running.

it takes two, to keep it strong"

never fall thru with ye friends.. cus they make us who we are.

if we lose them.. we're better off dead. XD

Author's Last Words

2005-12-13T08:47:00.000+08:00

-author's last words-

(since many of ya cldnt see it at the end of the previous post, i posted this up again)

okay thats the end of my testifications.. sigh.. 55 testimonials in one week. my head is cracking.. so are the rest of my body. not those that have cracks already lol. wait.. im sorrie if im crapping.. but it comes once a month.. so.. guess too bad it came now.. XD

okay. first and foremost.. my life in temasek sec wldnt have been really fantastic without the fantastic ppl like you. okay firstly making friends with ilyana farha that grp in sec one was really fun.. all the fun ppl from pasir ris primary.. lol.. then.. in sec two and then onwards or sth i got stuck to fateyn's clique.. till sec four.. ahahks.. wld never wanna lose them lor.. so cool.. amidst befriending other peeps la.. then there were the year before us the jannah banu and jannay ayub and all... my first ever senior friends.. they really rawk man.. then.. there are the sec threes this year like shamsidar and sarah and gang... wldnt have spiced up my life more than ever.. the sec one and two classmates.. the 3/1 and 4V classmates that ended my secondary life with a bang.

but there are those friends that stood by me right from the beginning through sec life and till the end. altho we didnt exactly stick 24/7 all the year round, they were the ones i knew since sec one and friendship blossomed by the day, by the month, as the years go by, right till now.. friends that always follow up on their friendship and sincerely maintain the bond and always keep it firm and strong are the ones truly worthy. acquaintances may come and go.. you may have a thousand of those friends in life.. those people you only know by name and by face.. but you dun really know him or her as an individual at all.. those ppl whom you associate to a particular clique or group that when they are alone you dun talk to them but when their in a grp you wld feel obliged to not ignore them.. yeah.. like i said on motivation night. to those friends that really put friendship at the top of their lists, i know words can only say that much.. but.. yeah thanks for simply being my friends. thank you. thank you all so much.

to all the ppl that have stood by me, and stood together in times of joy and also in times of sadness, my heartfelt and sincerest thanks right from that corner of the heart.. i thank you so so much for building this weird yet magical thing called friendsip.. for without you, i wouldnt have been the me that i am today. thanks once again guys.

also, my sincerest apologies should i ever hurt your feelings. yep, undoubtedly i have had hurt you all emotionally time and again.. qazim and asri.. fateyn and friends.. fighting all the time.. ahahks.. but yeah.. who knows.. ahahks.. sorry yeah?

and last but not least.. all the best for your O Level exams results due to be released by next march, and lets hope we all still stick together even after this graduation.. lets maintain this thing weve built.. this friendship thing. ahahks.. and hope some of us wld still continue to be in the same college so that we would bore ourselves with seeing each others face for another two yrs then go university together then work together then.. alalaaa.. ahaks.. lets hope that one day when we're all grown up and have our own kids and have our own families, lives, careers, mistresses and cars.. lets hope that when that day comes and we meet on the streets or at the mall or at the pubs or something just dunbe shy to say hi and put on a smile, knowing that after a long while that i still have a friend in you.

Yours, once and forever,

Faizal

Graduation Blues - Dispersal of Stars

2005-11-27T20:04:00.000+08:00

Graduation Blues - Dispersal of Stars

[author's foreword: this is outright plagiarism. sorry jaz. XD]

currently listening to: TongHua and Graduation (Vitamin C)

as the year draws to an end, i reminisce the many times i have spent with the loveliest people of my life - the people i call Friends. Four years of being together, going through the ups and downs of CCA with dearest Jaime, Qazim, Dora, and all, the 1/1, 2/1 classmates that i still make contact with like Britney and all, the 3/1, 4V superstars that i pray against Fate that i will one day meet up with all of em together again for they are the greatest people whose lives i have trespassed without first knocking on their doors, Fatin's clique of fantastic people, the Higher Malay Peeps, the sec threes like Sharms and Sarah, the many Temasekian acquaintances, Jun's group and all, and lastly but never at all the least, my new found "f4-turn-5566" - as quoted from Edward - gang, Deen, Phira, Edward, and Alvin! =)

also, do read the author's last words right at the end of this post for a last message from me. thanks once again.

ex 1/1, 2/1- ians

britney

never fails to amuse me with her classy antics and stuff, used to be enemies with me throughout of sec one.. man the first time i made human communication with her she pissed me off already. i was talking to Janet on first day of school on how to pronounce her name, and here came miss high class Britney XD to reprimand me of my mispronunciation. i was so pissed that i became Brit's First Enemy in sec one, and the whole grp of gurls plus the misfit that i was, all backstabbed one another.. sigh.. nice old days.. when we used to have crying competitions (the other unseen side of me) and nice Valentine's memories.. i still keep the goodluck card this gurl gave me on Vee Day. man.. cant believe she's going to VJAY! wah lao.. ahahks.. but yeah.. no matter how many times i hated her.. one fine day in sec two she became one of the first few good ol friends.. yeah with her inseparable couterpart which of course is none other than my MY MOM JANET. =) i am gonna miss her so.

choonwei

the good boy i sat with in class for a year, and who always tries to keep me leashed to silence and shut me big mouth up but in vain, i enjoyed the year i sat with him and janet and weijian at the back of the classroom. initially i thot he hated me so much in sec one cus i keep on talking and talking nonstop all hits all day but like Britney, one fine day i clicked on so well with him we cracked up jokes.. but sadly our friendship limited only within the classroom walls, but we still say our Hi when we meet in the corridors.. sweet. ahahks and yeah, i still remember those HomEc days.. after the lesson we had a picnic up in class, passing around amateur nasi lemak la.. spaghetti la.. pizza la.. right under the teacher's nose. lol. so fun. whee~

kenneth

the guy who never fails to crack up wise jokes. man i miss the times we had on class activites. yeah this guy also very smart on his Faith stuff, that sometimes we spend hours sitting in teh school porch talking abut the end of the world.. lol.. but heck.. this small kid sure has a big mouth. ciongsam power!

[uh.. cldnt think of others animore.. sowie.. =P]

fateyn's clique

of wonderful personalities. wow i love them so.

fateyn

used to be my mother.. cus she is so lovable! ahahks the gang of the grp, she can be so spontaneous that she cld see me in teh streets, pick me up like that and bring me to wacth movies.. sigh.. ahahks.. loved the good old times we had in Higher Malay.. and during the rare times i jalan with you all man. woohoo.

hidayah

my parter in crime. we used to run in the rain together when no one else had enuf guts to, run around the national stadium when the world is racing inside, just to escape the clutches of Mr Cuthbert, always turn up late for school along with me.. aahahks and plotting to skip school one fine day should we ever turn up late ever again. but we din skip, hamchi. lol. all-smiles no-cries hidayah is the GURL!

qazim

my NPCC squaddie cum Higher Malay classie cum member of FAQ cum recesstime canteen friend cum Fateyn's clique friend. i SO am gonna miss the thousands of times we bitched together, fite together, go Mosk together.. ahahks NP times.. the rare occassions that i turned up.. still, u never failed to make my day. rawk on, and stay the cheerful and strong-spirited person i always noe you as. strive for your best, give your all, and who knows one day you might be where you always wanted to be. BE A MAN, DO THE RIGHT THING!~ XD. all the best fer your future stuff, and hope one day we meet again eh? =)

raudah

ahahks, super duper friend cum fellow Fityanite! (tho i missing in action for so long.. man i am starting to miss Mosk!) this gurl one helluva powerpacked enthu super penghuluwati kindof gurl man, enthu, always up to crazy ideas.. i miss the times we had lotsa fun. but heck, do ask the rest to join Fityan pls pls pls. then we can always meet up often man. all the way Rau!

shidaaaaa

ahahks I FINALLY DONT OWE YOU A CHOCOLATE NO MORE! man.. now that the burden's of my chest i can finally rest in peace. ahahks. always keep the many things that i have blanja'ed you (like the 3 for one dollar scrunchie lol) ahahks.. the more u wear it the more pahala i get lol. i am so gonna miss ur crazy luffter, your jokes in class, your cute face expressions and swing-arms-in-air movements. lol. you can go far if u believe! wherever you go, i pray for your success man. Shida, i WILL MISS YOU!

wani

ahahks cutie wanie.. tho we dun really socialise.. still i can remember those fun times we had when i bullie dyou. wait, more like the fun times i had. aahsk! still! ahahks.. all the best and may you always remain the sweet and cute gurl i know okay? ahahks =)

somehow i have to add Rani here.

rani

oh how i enjoyed the times we slept together on the trip to Pahang man. the moment i woke up, i saw ur sleeping face right in front of mine.. so sweeeett- wait. NIGHTMARE. lol. ahahks.. i will forever miss ur witty remarks, the way you bitched about me.. damn.. no matter how bad it was... i understand ur incapability to keep ur mouth shut. aahahks... still, i will misss you!!!!! may u prosper as a linguist, and in life, cus u definitely haf a brilliant future ahead, a strong headed and spirited personality like you. ahahks.. and THANKS so much for teaching me the meaning of the word "tactful" cus initially i tot it meant to stand in someones shoes.. then very smelly. lol. but hahahks. yeah. enjoy life!

higher malay peeps

asri

ahahks. member of the FAQ (Faizal-Asri-Qazim) and the loyal fellow MoskGoer. ahahks. you never fail to astound me with your verbal linguistics, cus ur english like damn power man.. ahahks.. and yeah.. all the many trips to Friday prayers.. all the times we buillied our fellow FAQ qazim and the many few times i followed you guys go eat at parkway parade and banquet. on fridays.. lol, charmed still rawks and so do you man.. all the best fer ur life in Kelantan as a padi boy (joking!) and may you really go to VeeJay! and yeah, did i mention ur voice can rawk the world! guys die to have a high voice like that, and you noe that! ahahks.. okay la.. keep in touch!

shahidah

oh how i love to bully you. ahahks... i remembered i snapped ur wrist band ur sth.. ahahks.. the banquet times.. the Yong Tau Foo Fan Club! LOL i president, you vice president.. then who ahr.. teh secretary and the treasurer? Fatin and Farha right!! ahahks.. finally we had at least two official yong tau foo fan club meetings right! all the way man.. yeah.. the last time i enjoyed any food arnd you was the banquet time at parkway with fatin and farha and ilyana and asri... ahahks.. enjoyed the times man.. always remember me, and hope we meet again for a third meeting! yong tau foo just rawk our socks mann..

farha

smart gurl, a marine-biologist wanna be now dunnoe what she wanna be already.. ahahks i like noe her since sec one seh.. very smart and sporty too, but her witty remarks man.. shiok.. ahahks.. all the best !

fatin

ahahks sweet gurl, all smiles, got one time we go Mj open house and she became my gurlfriend for the day.. soo sweet.. ahahks.. another yong tau foo fan club member!! hahahks may you prosper in whatever JC u enrol in !!

3/1-4versatiliy superstars

ashley

the only time we ever worked together was during the VJC environmental science thing with farhad gifford juechen.. scooping longkang water from the huge drain next to VJC and testing for E-Coli bacteria.. lol.. but hey.. ur terrific understanding in bio really earns my respect man.. but ahhaks.. sad im not so close to you XD. and yeah. ur english rawks man!!

ansley

OMG. asnley ansley ansley my fellow loyangian... man if i ever forget you in my life i swear i will get struck by lightning. i will never forget that time when i padlocked your cute bag to the desk in Eng's classroom! lol.. and ahahks.. ur pink and greens... lol.. youre cute you noe that, and yeah from what i read you love hugging others.. ahahks.. keep that going man, cus hugs are something that really soothe others in times of need when words cannot make things out. you rawk, and stay the strong and firm believer in God that i know you as.. and keep that smile on your face cus with your personality you can definitely make a difference in the world. i can see a bright future ahead of you, do what u deem is right, and sometimes its good to follow ur heart. i know youre one helluva spirited and enthu gurl full of gusto and fervor.. your oopmh can make a change in others' life you know! so! all the best in ur future and we might one day meet again!

janet

the leader of the almost inseparable four. the friend i had for four years, the mother i have in temasek and the one that should she ever leave me i will lose someone so dear to me. ahahks, all this time in Temasek.. the class outings and activities in lower sec the many times we cheated in CAs in class, we kena scolded for that, for talking, your marks and spencer sweets, your chocolates YOUR LOVELY LOVELY CAKE you baked for my birthday!! omgawd thinking of your leaving sinagpore makes me start to cry man.. then in sec three i became closer to you and jun jun and matilda and my dawgie Lu.. the many wonderful times we had playing basketball, ahahks... going out to eat and stuff.. man i wish you can continue yor life story here in singapore.. like what u said in my autograph book, theres a reason why God sent you to migrate from HK to Spore.. and because of that i met a wonderful and gorgeous, loving soul like you. damn am i damned to separate from you, all of us are gonna miss the CM we had for four years! omagwd.. pls pls pls.. net, mom, mommy.. do keep in contact and keep in touch, cus you made a difference in my life. =) hope you remain bestfriends with Britney and remain friends with all our friends in sec 3 and 4, the best of luck fer your future life pursuing Food and Nutritions in wherever you go, may God remain there with you throughout your life on earth and love you forever, mom!

fanglu

lulu!!! dawgiee!! my sole confidant in my life, and i swear, without you i wld haf lost one close friend. and damned i am if that happened. okay. firstly i would cry and breakdown and die if your dun go to MJC. you haf to be there. you noe i cannot live life if you go somewhere else! i still need someone to confide in you know.. then.. the best part is that i only knew her for two years and voila shes in my close circle of friends. how i love you so fang lu. just today she left for macau and china.. hope you come back soon with lots of dawgie treats for your master cus im running out of dawg food for you. ahahks.. the many times we had with the gurls.. the times we shared emotional pains.. cries.. luffter.. your very complicated and drama mama life story.. ahahks you know if you need help im always there 24-7. and all the best in your life, and your love life too, whoever the other guy may be, cus i dun believe in luck.. you pursue whats best for you, and please lor, try to at least act like a WOMAN. you bite me one more time i will have to leash you up. lol. okay... may we remain in contact, and stay away from trouble okay.. take good care while youre alone in singapore in JC life.. and hope we get to go to the same JC! and yeah then you have to teach me how to play piano okay! adios fang lu!!

jun

sigh.. dun go away.. please.. dont go away.. hmm.. i am so gonna miss you if you do. i really do hope we keep in contact eh jun. cus u noe what else i am gonna write here.. i will miss you.

ifana

HAHAKS! dinnoe youre lesbo!!! ahahks whatever you do or wherever you go i pray for your success man! designs in japan!! wah laoo.. so darn cool. just remember to return to singapore once in a while.. man.. im gonna miss you once you leave singapore for indon, then for japan.. ahahks.. and yeah.. i will always treasure the class tee, just like everyone else.. wah laoo.. i noe ure gonna be a very good designer lor.. and yeah... all the best for your life.. and hope we meet again! but no matter how hard it seems for us to ever meet again, alwats be safe knowing that you have made a friend in me. =)

ilyana

hello my fellow friend.. aiyoh sec three we fight for so long dunnoe why sia.. now we like can click so well. ahahks i am just happy i matchmade you and mr K lor.. ahahsk all the best for the both of you, and heck am i gonna miss your craziness and all.. man.. hope we get in touch okay!

jaime

wah lao. this gurl. since sec one.. nP times.. all the craziness of NPCC.. i remember taking a photo with you while all muddy after the mud activity during camp lor.. sigh.. then in sec three and four same class as you wah lao.. damn mad.. i cannot forget your crazy seductions.. you seduced the pizzahut aunty for an extra bowl of soup, you seduced the bus driver on the way from MJC.. wah lao and you poked ms rajah sexily on her arm! wah laoo you are the limit man, BIGTIME! ahahks.. i see mr SK influence you BIGTIME eh.. all the best between teh both of you, and pls do invite me to you wedding, if not i will crash it like no ones business. ahahks hell am i gonna miss ur crazy luffter and stuff.. woohoo.. jaime, youre the MAN. XD lol.

jessica

loyangian, and very hip. you rawk man! i secretly like your hairstyle lor, but never had the opportunity to say it out loud. and yeah! your english super power sia.. i beli jealous lor.. i read your blog you know.. keep reading mine kaee!! and tag!! ahahks.. may you get into the JC you want!! and keep living the artist in you! i love your drawings and your doodlings lor! rawks!!

soohui

ahahks.. i have never tot i wld ever talk to you, when i came in sec three.. but it so happened that youre not shy to talk to me after all.. XD do you noe that i sorta fancy your voice.. damn sweet lor.. and you can blush so well sia.. your cheeks can turn red man!! (SK if you are reading this, i mean CHEEKS and nuthing else XD) aahahks.. thanks for lending me the pencil during the prelims exams XD.. and see you around!

xueting

another funny gurl man!! ahahks i will always remember chemistry class lor.. you sit next to me then we always compete and try to outdo each other in every CA! ahahks.. but you almost always beat me lor.. so smart.. so jealous lor.. ahahks.. and yeah.. ehem.. invite me to ur wedding kay!! ahahks! (ehem ehem) lalalalaaaa... =D

xinling

my very super duper enthu can-scream-one-but-on-the-outside-very-sweet gurl bio friend! we sit in class during lelas lessons.. aahhsk.. do u rememebr the drawing we drew of our "child" during one genetics lessons, we flip the coin then see what characteristic our baby would have.. ahahks.. lol.. so funny.. ahahks. you rawk man!

dora

my NP squaddie! ahahks remember the times we always quarrelled during NP cus the camp planning sucked..? ahahks... will always remmeber the NP times man.. you will always be my doraemon!

matilda

ahahks. this one.. one helluva tough gurl.. eh you.. can sleep during maths lessons and still get away with it and still understand the lesson and STILL have a whole nice book of notes. lol.. still remember the funny moments with ifana, the three of us sitting in the same grp during kamlesh de classes.. ahahks.. and yeah.. i envy ur netball skills lor, can throw ball far far with one hand sia.. superpower..!! ahahsk did i mention u looked like a real cute anime during grad nite? ahahks! all the way mat!

wanchin

yay! another surviving fellow 1/1 peep. ahahks know you for four years le.. but seldom talk. but niwae youre a really nice gurl with lotsa .. good english pronunciation! ahahks confident while speaking in front of e class too! ahahks so smart some more.. which guy wldnt want you lor.. sigh.. ahahks! all the way man and all the best fer ya Oz results!!

jiayin

another soft-on-the-outside-but-crunchy-on-the-inside friend i noe fer two years! ahahks dinnoe we are on talking terms, but hey! bravo man.. ahahks.. you too, all the best fer ur future man!

nuurul

ahahks.. my fellow tuition friend.. knew you struggled so hard to get ur marks.. but hey! you get what you wanted man.. JC! all the way, and cheers to a lasting friendship!

swati

OMG OMG OMG SWATI! ahahks by very very very good fighting friend for two years. woohoo! ahahks i SO love debating with you man.. all the funny times we tease Farhad.. and the times we fight with Rajah in class, tease about her ******* and her ***** and her - lol! ahahks and yeah, did i mention you look good on graduation night? ahahks.. you are so going to VeeJay, and im so.. undecisive. ahahks. we'll see how okay Swati.. if i can i will go there.. ahahks.. you're one brilliant mind you know.. you are capable of farsighted thinking.. and your english simply scares me man! ahahks.. and you noe you will go far.. but then.. when you are already at that stage when you have everything in the world, never forget the many friends you have in school, cus in school is where you make true lifelong friends, as i quote from someone. all the best in your education, and may you be the model that you wanna be. i will so miss your funny antics and witty remarks.. yes i will, but hey! all the best once again, and let's hope we meet again in the future!

shuying

my very snuggly and warm friend.. ahahks you know sumthing? i really respect you man.. amidst the many trouble you face with money matters and family, you still do survive in school as well as bloom and flourish in your passion - rowing. plus, you are able to live alone and independent, as well as make the nation proud of you. wow, i stand up and take my hat off for you man. youre one helluva strong gurl, both physically and spiritually, and with your determination you will go far. really. and yeah did i mention you are one gurl no guy wld dare outwit? ahahks.. your language not bad eh.. i jealous you know.. ahahks! so all the best and may you gain success in your future education and career!

esther

another friend i know for four years already! ahahks brilliant mind, top in almost everything man! aahks how i envy you. but ahhaks.. in life, one has got to also excel in another area.. how you socialise.. that, if all of us learn to ace, will make us almost allrounded, and only then will you be liked and respected by many.. yeah.. so all the best fer your A's, (like you need that =) and yeah, see you one day!!

daniel

ahahks! this guy got potential one day become prime minister or president sia.. so good at leadership. and yeah ahahks you're great!

denan

Ehem. attention please, im talking about denan here, so listen up! ahahks three words - DENAN RAWKS MY SAWKS OFF! ahahks how many words were that? ahahks aniwae "everytime i see the word 'cool', i straight away get reminded of gwen stefa- nah.. DENAN!" that quote is famous, tot all of you should noe lor.. sigh. ahahks.. i still remembered the first time i met denan (how come this appears everytime i recount about you sia), we were on the chartered bus to Kallang Stadium for NDP rehearsal, and we were sitting together with the stupid green shit on.. and the first topic we were hot talking about was about SHIT. not just any shit, but about FLOATING SHIT!! like how shit float, and what happens if shit floats.. we will see brown stars in the sky, and then you on aeroplane you look out window got shit waving at you.. lol... we were so barwd.. maybe.. or we full of shit thats why.. but hahahks.. it was great man.. then all the way to sec three we were merely acquaintances.. till we came into the same class.. this is like freaky man.. we were fated to be friends.. woohoo.. then somehow both deen and i were always the only ones not to hand in anything that sounds along the lines of homework.. always kena scolded then everytime we would promise each other to bring next time, and the next, and the next... but we never did. lol. we were officially The Slackers of 4V man.. then one day we said we were in the same boat.. you know... that we will push each other in the boat down the river of success... lol.. sometimes we talk crap about how the boat has sunk and all.. what nonesense.. but its this kind of small nonsensical nonsense that really spice my life up man.. then till sec four in august we were just classmates.. then came motv camp.. (long story made short) and voila.. denan became my close friend.. its about 5 months already, and hey.. cheers to a lasting friendship, and i mean it.. no empty promises here. all the way man.. keep it going.. ahahks.. i know you are one fantastic kid.. and you have a smart head up there. (yes the one up there. not down. XD) yet you wanna pursue what's best for you, what you really like, and i tip my hat for you for your decision. tho we may not end up in the same damn school, i know were gonna meet every waking moment of our lives so that i get to see your face every damn day. lol! ahahks all the best of luck fer ya poly life and hope we never say the last goodbye!

farhad

ahaks my fellow english class friend. with swati, the three of us wld debate over the smallest things.. man.. ahahks english freaks.. lol.. will always remember your trademark (whoop in the air and shout YES!) ahhsk.. i know u will survive out there. adios farhad!

sintat

ahahks.. when did ur comp crash ahr? march? when did u get it repaired ahr? december? ahahks still.. now that youre online.. u gotta write me testi and visit my blog okay? XD ahaks.. this guy one very caring kid.. very kind also.. sit behind me in english and next to me in social studies.. very fun hor.. ahahks all the best!

banghui

this guy very blur lehh.. ahahks.. also give alot of trouble to my pet dawg. i tell u ahr.. dun anyhow whack lulu okay.. must ask the master first ( me).. she anyhow kena whack by you ahr.. you watch out kay! ( haahks read between the lines) ahahks.. joking lah. what scared ahr? XD

boonkiat

boonkieeee..... !! my squadmate of four years.. another blurking. ahahks.. thanks for all the times you help to give me tips on how to polish the boots and lending me the dictionary in english class to satisfy me farhad and swati's craving for meanings. lol! ahahks will always remmeber you lor.. who cant! Burger King!

kimfang

the class loudspeaker. hahahks.. joking joking.. ahahks.. (what to write!?) uhm... all the best fer your Os? XDD

alvin

ah... alvin. to be honest, i have got no idea what to write about you. if i dun write, then no fair. if i do, it will go on forever. let's see. sec one sec two we stick like shit sec three i slipped away liek soap sec four were back together.. onli God knows until when we would stay friends.. but i guess this guy really puts the letter "I" into Life and puts the "Ship" into ''Friendship" (wait.. more like the word "Friend", shouldnt it be..) and.. without him i wldnt learn the word 'fun'.. hes one helluva smart guy. but he got style. not nerdy or geeky.. i dunnoe what else to write abt you lor honestly.. too much to say until dunnoe.. XD.. yeah... we can talk on the fone for hours long.. i can call him at 11 pm at nite and we talked like no ones business, abt all things under the sun until 1 am.. wah.. ear tired after that.. sleepy some more.. man... we were close yet so far.. in childhood times we happened to be in the same education institution (aka kindergarten) but diff class.. then diff primary school. met in temasek now .. fate. lor. dunnoe why but most of the time we can think alike.. sometimes i think he can read my mind. all the things like common lor.. sometimes freaky oso.. hell, i wouldnt want anyone in my mind. youll be surprised to find whats in there (nuthing).. and yeah wah lao this guy pro at pool sia.. only afew times having shots at it and now he can kick a few balls into the holes.. XD.. ahahsk.. okay basically im talking shoot. uhm.. hum de dum de hum de dummmm.. yeah. alvin is sometimes lame. wait, maybe all the time.. okay wait. not all the time.. sumtymes then.. becus most of the time he's one shy guy who cowers from the hustle and bustly of society. like.. if he lacks sleep, the next morning and if youre lucky enuf to meet him early morning and plus you are late fer the meeting. bang. he'll be so darn mad and starts giving teh cold shoulders.. whahaks.. lol.. right now itll be five days more to getting results for first three months posting.. i pray hard to get into Mj and still remain as close as friends to you as we are now.. theres a high chance im getting into TPJ.. then when O results come out.. i know im gonna do well .. maybe i might wanna consider VJ if i ever, ever get lower than 10.. but yeah.. nothing is ever decided right now.. should we be in MJ.. well, aloha to another two yrs of being.. if not.. well, sad.. haahks.. but nonetheless like you said friendship is not determined by time nor distance.. nor how long u spend with a friend.. its the quality.. bond.. yeah. ahahks.. well.. if i managed to survive one year of slipping away.. maybe i can manage that also fer the rest of me life.. ahahks hu noes.. but hu wants? ahahsk.. so yeah.. if ever that one day we happened to lose contact.. or maybe something like God knows what happened and we cant talk like last time.. or when one day we enter the same university or sth.. then we happen to meet.. just know that.. i wont hesitate to say hi.. so! all the best for your future, you know you can go very very far with that brains.. and hope you really get the one soulmate you like in life.. XD.. and.. best wishes for your results... and.. thanks for being my friend. always cherish the times we had together, and always be safe in the knowledge that you always always have a friend in me. once again, Thank You.

(round of applause please)

gifford

irritating.. but sometimes u cant deny it no more that hes nice lor.. ahahks.. sometimes both of us dun click at all.. then i would scold him all teh chimpanzee words i can think of and he would haf a clue what im saying.. but ahahks.. he sometimes we also talk together. luff about the many stupid things.. lol.. mostly im luffing not with him but about him. lol. and he still dunt geddit. lol. wakie wakie. ahahks nonetheless.. nice kid. cute. adios.

azri

okay. this one must talk alot. this one.. one of first few kiddos i befriended since sec one.. with the popular fahmi.. ahahks.. we share one similarity: the undying passion and submission to Harry J Potter. ahahks.. i still remember in sec two or three both of us wld bring the harry potter books to school and trivia each of us on the most detailed fact of the book and see who noes more of the books than the other.. ahahks.. that was in the post exams activities.. ahahks.. ahahks.. i worked with him a couple o time in some class activities.. teacher's day concert... and all.. lol.. ahahks.. and yeah, YOURE THE CLASS MANAGER MAN. THE. ahahks.. the greatest.. you care for the class.. you plus janet make 4V 3/1 2/1 1/1 the bestest best class in the whole wide world.. man.. thanks for the many times we luffed together, we squabbled about many small things together, for spurring me on to read HarryP and debate over the silliest of things..but HarryP is never silly man.. aahahks.. may you prosper in billiard club in TJ.. and all the best man. i am so gonna miss ya CM!

faizal

ahahks.. faizal is a nice kid. sometimes i feel like i so wanna kick his ass so much that he would kiss the moon.. ahahks.. faizal is sometimes irritating. wait. not sumtimes. all the time. in fact nuthing comes out of his big mouth except all the lame stuff.. and.. ahahks why am i talking about myself? XDD bawrd..

khairil

4 years.. 4 years.. cute Khairil. may you invite me to your wedding with ily billy. ahahks always had fun in the labs when we have physics lessons.. aahks.. we luffing about all the silliest things... youre one sweet kiddo diddo man.. charming and all.. alalaaa.. blush.. ahahks.. lol.. so smart but dun wan go JC what the !? ahahks.. go TJ with her la.. adios brudda take care!

yingjie

very very sporting.. so macho some more.. got no idea how a TAF member could become so tough. ahahks... i remember the funny times we teased farhad .. cus you sit behind me in english lessons.. then for postprelims revisions you were sorta stuck next to farhad then everytime that guy kept turning around to irritatingly smile at anyone.. ahahks.. sigh.. and yeah thanks so much for lending me your shorts that time when you followed the guys go cycle.. four years being friends... how time flies... ahahks.. all the best fer your Os.. then As.. then your masters.. lol.. ahahks.. see ya?

yunlong

ahhaks.. the 4V chiobu. ahahks dinnoe this guy is anothr HarryP fan just like our dear old CM (okay maybe not old).. ahhks.. remembered the last few months of school we were heavily discussing about the old HarryP (okay maybe not so old).. ahahks.. i dinnoe i can get along well with this very jovial guys.. meet him everytime in the canteen or the corridors he wld say hi to me.. so friendly lor.. ahahks.. so tall somemore.. no wonder basketball so good. ahahks wld always remember his funny antics.. act chiobu antics.. ahahks.. adios YL!

phira

"who lives in a pineapple under the sea.. spongebob squarep-" okay cut the crap. this guy here. is my class Dad. ahahks dunnoe why but he has this paternal air around him.. so fatherly.. ahahks.. we clicked on well in sec three.. talked to him online... mostly miscellaneous and rubbish stuff.. then in sec three camp gotta noe him better... was made famous to me by eating off sandflies from the ground in Taman Negara in Pahang.. ahahks okay NOT sandflies as he would retort back at me.. but some.. funny creatures with a funny name.. i forgot... wait.. i know! winged termites? flying termites..? ahahks nonetheless, this guy who so loves reptiles ate the flying termites right off the ground.. and i was kinda.. wow! ahahks.. then he also told me that certain ants taste sour while others sweet.. sometimes i was also tempted to munch one or two of the creepy crawlies and see for myself (more like taste) wether it tasted as delicious as he had reported.. lol.. ahhaks.. he also damn smart at this nature thing lor.. everytime a bizarre animal that youve never seen in your life passed you by (like the local alley cat) he would say out the exact name and breed and species.. ahahks exaggeration.. but i guess his specialty lies in knowing the scientific names of spiders.. ahahks.. then somehow.. (long story cut short) i gotta noe this wonderful kid much more in august 2005. and since then we kinda stuck like shiet.. ahahks.. gotta know that he is superb at this bike things.. like doing wheelies and all.. a biker and bike fanatic.. and yeah.. one more thing abt him is how witty he can get.. ahahks sometimes even the best of linguists cannot retort his mischevous remarks, much less try to even think of something to reply back. cus his words can sometimes become chim. panzee. okay basically im crapping.. but all in all, this guy is one helluva very fun guy to be with.. to hang out with.. to talk about the crappiest, horniest things with.. to discuss the best power98 programmes with (sometimes.. supermwawiyo.. very notty.. so .. i spank him!! XD).. to just do anything with! (waiyt.. maybe almost everything.. lol) ahaks.. so yeah.. all the best for your O results, and i DO mean it, cus my JC happiness hinges upon your O level aggregates.. ahahks.. lets hope we continue to remain friends even after sec school ( i dunnit to hope, seeing he wld land in the same JC with me.. ) aahahks.. and friends.. till the end!

edward

knew him since sec one. DAMN. ahaks joking.. my very first impression of him (and his of me also) was that he was one helluva STUCK UP, IRRITATING, HAO LIAN, CRAPPY guy.. but i was wronged. in fact.. he was much worse.. ahahks JOKING LA. ahahks.. this kid i getta noe more since sec three, and since then also i used to kinda not get along well.. ahahks maybe its this personality clash thingy.. or maybe the liking of a common person.. ahks.. hu noes.. but yeah, just like the rest of the gang.. i gotta noe him more in august 05 (DAMN). ahahks..we kinda stuck.. then.. sometimes we enjoyed being in each other's company.. sometimes the rest luffed with him, but at other times the rest luffed at him... but hey.. we kinda.. clicked..well.. kinda like his new grey sweaters.. so nice lor.. ahahks.. then new hairstyle, new hair color, new hair... new earstuds.. new ears.. new.. ahsk.. im crapping.. very cool kid (lyk me duh) and very fun to be arnd with. ahahks.. all the best ( ithinkyouneedit.oopswaitdidisayanything?XD) for your Os.. and ahahks.. lets get into MJ together! XD

juechen

ahahsk this really funny class.. never fails to liven up the gloomiest of situations in the classroom.. first got to know him better at the VJC environmental science shit.. ahahks.. some lame course.. then.. kinda hanged with him out once in a while with janet and all.. (i still dun get wether the both of them are together or not !?) hahaks.. then.. quiet funny lah.. u noe u got potential lor.. so smart but never reeally harness your smartness into your grades.. ahahks.. witty and cool.. all the way man. i knoe youll go faaaaaarr.. if you really put your head into it. (XD) ahaks.. all the best man!

guanhong

wah.. one of the wushu brothers of our class.. very kind and helpful.. always rememebr him lor.. that time chalet me and daniel and edward tried to throw him into the sea.. but yeah you guessed it.. we failed.. some more edward got a real nice bash in the chest by our wushu warrior.. waaahh.. powderful mann.. XD

guanwen

somehow or another i always picture this kid as a graceful gazelle.. ahahks maybe becos of the one time he leaped across the road to get to the bustop.. really man.. like in those medieval chinese shows.. he actually like.. flew across the road with elegance and grandeur.. (what am i crapping).. the gentler of the two brothers.. this guy really damn nice and cool sia.. XD

shingkwan

shingkie! AKA spontanshingkwan (one of the spontaneous brudders, the other being me) okay firstly this guy is uber cool. superduupeer. wait what did he call himself..? ubersexual.. dunnoe waht that means tho.. okay the honor of entitlement was granted by me to him because of the following reasons: one we are damn spontaneous cos we can pull a prank on ma dawgie lulu without planning or anything.. like.. allofasudden by a stroke of genius both of us had the common intention to scare lulu.. then online we bullied (ehem) jaime together by irritating her also without plan.. like out of the blue we just started to irritate jaime by ... yeah.. ahahks.. dunnoe la.. were just spontaneous. lol. okay lets get down to business. i started to know you in.. when? sec 3. okay honestly speaking i used to think you yaya papaya noe all kid la.. so sowie eh.. aahhks.. then time flies i realised youre not the kid with the nose in the air kinda person.. youre helpful when it comes to maths.. hahks XD then.. we somehow stuck lahh.. hang out quite a lot together.. shared a couple of common liking for certain songs. ahahks.. then chalet also.. ayayaa.. but something i wld like to say is that... im sorry if i ever "crushed your ego" -quoted straight from SK himself- at any moment of your life.. aahks.. nonetheless.. thanks alot for calling me the 'new age guy' aahahks.. sweeeeet. XD you're one brilliant mind, and you noe that you can go damn far with that head of yours. dunnoe how far you can go with the other head tho XD. ahahks. lol. all the best, and keep in touch. together you and jaime make one explosive pair. DO invite me for your wedding eh. i wanna be youre bridesmaid. yeah. XD. you noe, the one that throws the flowers.

jonathan

ahahks.. i was shocked when he had his hair highlighted lor.. thank god you din start to pierce your body parts. ahahks.. okay.. being with him for social studies told me a few things. one, looks can be deceiving. cus.. i was kinda scared he wld bash you up the moment you said something wrong abt him.. but nah.. he was the sweet guy next door type XD. two - generosity dun cost a thing. that time i lacked highlighters, then i asked wether i could borrow his neon yellow highlighter. not onli did he lend me his neon yellow highlighter, he basically emtied his huge pencil case and gave me all he got. i was like.. overwhelmed.. lac lah dude.. i asked for one you gave me the whole collection. XD thanks for the many times you spiced up class life... and for being the sweetest gorilla ive ever known. ahahks.. adios!

-author's last words-

Yours, once and forever,

Faizal

You'll Be Safe Here - Rivermaya

2005-11-08T15:18:00.000+08:00

You'll Be Safe Here

Rivermaya

Nobody knows

Just why we're here

Could it be fate

Or random circumstance

At the right place

At the right time

Two roads intertwine

And if the universe conspired

To meld our lives

To make usFuel and fire

Then know

Where ever you will be

So too shall I be

[Chorus:]

Close your eyes

Dry your tears

'Coz when nothing seems clear

You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight

Of your doubts and fears

Weary heart

You'll be safe here

Remember how we laughed

Until we cried

At the most stupid things

Like we were so high

But love was all that we were on

We belong

And though the world would

Never understand

This unlikely union

And why it still stands

Someday we will be set free.

Pray and believe

[Chorus:]

When the light disappears

And when this world's insincere

You'll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream

I'll scream with you

You'll be safe here

Save your eyes

From your tears

When everything's unclear

You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight

Of your doubts and fears

Wounded heart

When the light disappears

And when this world's insincere

You'll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream

I'll scream with you

You'll be safe here

In my arms

Through the long cold night

Sleep tight

You'll be safe here

When no one understands

I'll believe

You'll be safe,

You'll be safe

You'll be safe here

Put your heart in my hands

You'll be safe here