it was a failure, through and through.


the organisation of the soccermatch cheering at Jln Besar Stadium, MJ vs VJ, was finally over.


There's just so many things to learn, so many things to do.


i feel tired, and for the first time ever, i daresay i feel the essence of exhaustion.


People said i did a good job nonetheless, they were quite happy to work under my leadership. But as a leader, i felt that i have truly failed.


There is just so many things to learn.






LTC and PreUSem is coming up, today is the eve of PreUsem and i havnt packed my bag for both the Seminar and LTC. Pre U Sem is from Monday (right after GP exam) to Fri, from which i will travel straight to Changi for LTC till next monday. 8 days of full freedom from home.


that's is not the case.




the reason why i blog today, is because of one thing:







im in love, im in love, im in love.

6:47 PM
burn! - 'cus the lovers of God are ablaze.
_______________Guidaci Sulla Retta Via 1:6_______________

lives past me as days go by. i do not mean deaths, of course, but everything happens at exponential amounts at breakneck speed. no pun intended here tho, i am putting myhead on the guillotine and nearly got my head chopped off clean, alike the Nearly Headless Nick which you affectionately address the ghost you see in the HP series. it's like as if each day is lived like a whole lifetime, like as though all the things that can ever happen to anyone in his life is compacted into one day, and this happens everyday for me. there is just ridiculously too many things to do.



i am not bragging, tho... or at least i try to put up a strong front in front of Council. With each critcism i face i take wholehartedly, hoping that with the correct mindset to accept remarks from others i get the chance to improve myself and live a better day tomorrow.



but this does not always happen.



i always remind myself, with every great hurdle thrown in my direction, that if i were to break in front of my Public Affairs, how then can they come to me in times when they need me the most, in times when i need them to settle a deadline fast, in times when everything seems to be in the most possible wrong ever. sometimes it's just not fair, to do things the very best you can, but at the end of the day, little or none actually knows what you do, if not criticise you further and says the excruciatingly true catchphrase they always say, "There's always room for improvement".



People ask me, why do I join council.



If they were to expect the template answers of, "To serve the school, to make Meridians' lives better", BULLSHIT.



for one, no one gives a fuck wether your life is a blissful sanctuary in Meridian or as fucktardishly shitty like hell. honestly, none of us gives a damn.



but why i do what i want to do, or why i feel good doing the things that i do in council, is not actually the sadomasochistic idea of carrying chairs and arranging them around in hall, raise the stupid cloth of a flag everyday and have to come to school at 710 everymorning of which i have to ride a cab to school most of the time lest i get screwd inside out by the teachers or even spending countless hours in school to rehearse for events, until ten plus at night when the gates are officially locked by the guards and all 35 4th council and 26 3rd council and the 5 Teacher Advisors had to wait for the school manager to come to school to let us out late at night. might as well camp in out in school since we're goin home late evryday.



it's the togetherness that matters. it's about having fun and rejoicing in the knowledge that there are 34 others who have officially traversed over into the treshold of insanity and deep-rooted love to simply stay in school till late at night for god-knows-what that counts the most. its the AFTER-events that actually bring meaning into council life, its the late nights dinners that we have at macs that defines council and its the friendship that bonds 35 ppl from different walks of life that actually matters. what bothers me the most right now, is wether i can get, not straight As, but enuf sleep.



as the days to Student Dialogue Session One and schoolwide soccer cheering at jln besar stadium hang just around the corner, the one that when u suddenly turn round at, u get knocked down by a passing bike or another lady carrying bags of groceries and having them spilled all over the pavement, the feeling of loss of sense of time and control over one's logical reasoning as well as conscious capabilty to control one's behaviour start to show. It sypmtoms are thick eyebags, insanity, snappish atitude to classmates and brooding and not talking to others for hours, then suddenly spring out hysteric and start to feel so fresh you swore you could do that all over again. Right now, what's on my mind, is not how im gonna get these two major school events done on time, but wether it be a good chance to prove my worth to 4SC. God, let's not screw this up this time round, okay? Thanks Dood, you rawk my life.

12:02 PM
burn! - 'cus the lovers of God are ablaze.
_______________Guidaci Sulla Retta Via 1:6_______________