11:46 PM
burn! - 'cus the lovers of God are ablaze.
_______________Guidaci Sulla Retta Via 1:6_______________

teacher's day - the class of 06S304. the love of my life that i had in JC. Is this what is meant by "ignoring the heart that speaks so loud"?

i love these words so much. shiqi no one else coulda expressed that into words better than you.

shiqi: "faizal, the head of public affairs, i adore your courage to believe in yourself and made decisions that truly followed your heart. pain and regret are common in life. but wherever you turn, they're always near. maybe its the mistake you made by following the crowd, ignoring the heart that speaks so loud. but when two roads diverged, and you took the one less travelled by... that has made all the difference in your life. goodbye my dear friend."

lord grant me strength, in mind and in spirit, as i journey this new phase of my life. let not my friends be just another memory, but a living testimony of the love we shared and the times we had, and make lasting these friendships ive forged in JC and keep my friends close to me oh gawd. i beg You, by this holy month, please. innaka samee'ud du'aa. ameen.

i wont forget you.

will you remember me?

11:48 PM
burn! - 'cus the lovers of God are ablaze.
_______________Guidaci Sulla Retta Via 1:6_______________

on the first terawih i went with Shafiq. hey dood, all the best for your A's yeah! unlike me, i cant even smell year two from here.. so u must give your all for your A's! its gonna be overr in a like 10 week so yaH!.. ahahks... mochen was there oso, tho he was late we got separated. he was praying somewhere at the back. the first terawih the mosk was SO packed there werent enuff space.. like there were thousands of ppl.. gawsh. yesterday met up with jannah after teraweh.. bual mepek.. ahahks.. gerek jugak ah.. XD

Got tagged by PiPi. XD terime kaseh ah!


3 names you go by
1. Faizal
2. Feizao
3. Abang Faizal

3 physical things you like abt urself
1. Height
2. Shoulders
3. My very versatile hair

3 physical things you dislike abt urself
1. My babats
2. My fingers
3. -

3 parts of my heritage
1. Malay
2. Chinese
3. Indian
4. So im a Chingay lah?

3 things u cant stand
1. The sitting. You know, I cant stand when im sitting right? lawl.
2. Very insensitive ppl
3. Crossroads

3 things that scare you
1. Loss of a close one.
2. Loss of a family member
3. Loss of a friend.

3 of your favourite shows
1. Spongebob Squarepants
2. Teen Titans
3. Totally Spies

3 of your favourite animei
1. Advent Children
thats all. i dun watch animei much

3 of ur current favourite songs
1. Collide - Howie Day
2. Savin Me - Nickelback
3. Wild Horses - Natasha Beddigfield. (dont laugh. its nice okay. what i call "liberating".)

3 movies you can watch over and over again
1. Pirates of the Caribbean The Black Pearl and Dead Man's Chest
2. The Lake House
3. Superman Returns
4. Memoirs of a Geisha
5. White Squall
6. The Host.

Sorry i cant count. too many fab movies.

3 movies you would like to watch
1. A sequel to Pirates, if theres any
2. A sequel to Sperman Returns
3. The Covenant (coming soon)


3 things you are wearing right now
1. White pants
2. White tee
3. Blue Undies

3 things you want in a relationship
1. Boy
2. Girl
3. Love

3 physical things of the opposite gender that attract you
1.The Smile
2.The Hair
3. The Touch

3 bad habits
1. Late for EVERYTHING
2. Walk very fast
3. Spend too much
4. Bad time management
5. Mood swings


3 of ur favourite hobbies
1. Spend time with friends
2. Eat
3. Read
4. Watch movies
5. Hangout, TALK!
6. Walk by the sea. *sigh*

3 things you wanna do badly right now
1. Meet my friends.
2. Get out of school
3. Go on a vacation with my family/friends

3 careers u are currently considering
1. Social worker
2. Literature teacher
3. Video game seller

3 kids name u like
1. what kids name? do kids change names when they grow up? oh maybe they should. imagine being called boboy till like, youre getting married.
2. Hanis, Amsyar, Jannah (my siblings)


3 places u wanna go on vacation
1. Maldives
2. Mecca
3. Turkey
4. Switzerland
5. Japan
6. Spain

3 things u wanna do before u die
1. be prepared enuff to meet the Lord.
2. travel the world over
3. show everyone how much they mean to me.
4. get a family. spoil my wife, pamper my kids, love my parents.
5. spend every living moment of my life with YOUYOUYOU.

3 ways that u are stereotypically
1. irriatating (tho there is NO substantial evidence to prove so)
2. talkative
3. crappy. ah, this one yes. XD youve got to experience to know!

3 crushes
1. her
2. her
3. her.. what do u expect? me to tell you? ahahks fat hope.

3 ppl u wanna tag
1. mochen. but pipi tagged him already. so yah
2. nadia
3. jannah
4. nadira
5. zul
6. alvin!


yeah i apologise once again for not being able to count. XD good day yall.

5:44 PM
burn! - 'cus the lovers of God are ablaze.
_______________Guidaci Sulla Retta Via 1:6_______________

shiqi: "pain and regret are common in life. but wherever you turn, they're always near. maybe its the mistake you made by following the crowd, ignoring the heart that speaks so loud. but when two roads diverged, and you took the one less travelled by... that has made all the difference in your life. goodbye my dear friend."

from Zul's blog. thanks bro, and i think im gonna miss u to hell.. :

"ouhwell.. i hope you'll be happy with your decision and not regret later down the road. just study hard still, ace your general paper, they might just put you to year two of mass comm. so smiles friend. i understand and respect your decision, although many of us would prefer if you had decided to stay on with college studies. i might not cry for you infront of the podium or while i'm shitting translating the chorus of a song. but do know i still care for you as a good friend in mj altogether. but yeah, your promos is the deciding factor so don't lose all your hope. haha, after all, you are a muslim soldier. so cliched, but we'll all tawakal banyak-banyak this fasting month and insyaAllah He will guide us along to wherever we're supposed to be.

(more posts)..

talking about dying. it's funny how people link faizal's little actions to be suicidal. sucidal, yes - like wth? poor guy. he was laughing his ass off la. people make him look so pathetic like that. come on la, you think he'll jump down over anything? he's religious, he'll do no such thing, so don't anyhow crap funny things over his little actions."

now do u see why i cant bear to leave MJ?

two days of ramadhan has passed. during the night service (terawih prayers) i prostrate to God Almighty and asked for the best of Choice and Direction. "Oh Allah, please please please grant me Guidance and Light.. For the best of decision-Makers is You.."

hu knows what the best decision is for me? poly vs JC? no one knows..

dont make me cry again.

shiqi in her blog. the first person i spoke to in MJ life.

"the first thing i saw siauling just now she told me bout what happened in school this morning. and the news of faizal leaving for poly... really hope he dun regret his choice. we've been friends since the first day of school. i remembered the first person i knew was him. he borrowed a staple from me. we become very close friends during first three months and i really enjoyed the time we went out tgt and all the class gatherings. orientation as ogls and all the crap in class. made ms low blew her top. haha. for the pass few months we have been council mates and im so proud of you for putting in the effort to practice the dance for teachers' day. i know some teachers have been criticising our item but in the end i think it was the best performance of the day. really glad that you accepted our offer to be in the dance and thou i've been hoping we can work tgt again next year i wish you all the best for your future endeavours.

faizal, the head of public affairs, i adore your courage to believe in yourself and made decisions that truly followed your heart. pain and regret are common in life. but wherever you turn, they're always near. maybe its the mistake you made by following the crowd, ignoring the heart that speaks so loud. but when two roads diverged, and you took the one less travelled by... that has made all the difference in your life.

goodbye my dear friend."

With every end a new beginning. But who ever said this was the end? my friends, we will still rawk the earth, just haf faith in our friendships..

12:40 AM
burn! - 'cus the lovers of God are ablaze.
_______________Guidaci Sulla Retta Via 1:6_______________

"if there were any reason at all, any, for me to still stay in MJ, it would be you. but sorry guys, i have to take my leave.."

here onwards, begins the story of the end.

yes, im smart. yah im talented. yes ive got potential. so what? so what if all the teachers said that? i dun even think or believe its true, like what the hell. im furious.. i cant seem to get things in my head. my style for learning is not JC.. i cant be forced info into my brains.. even if i were to stay i wld change to the arts stream.. what a big mistake.. even if i wanna do A levels i wld change to other JC.. but i cant, and i wanna pursue my dreams.. no one said going to poly is bad.. i can answer everything in class, great at my GP and good at smoking away in the papers.. but i am not motivated to continue at all.. its reaching the end, and true i shouldnt give up, but theres very little i haf left to do.. here begins the story, of the end.

yeah true i had been thinking it thru and thru. but what started the whole thing was one fateful day in september, wednesday 200906. i left my sim card at home, and so happens that i left school straightaway when my day ended at 1255pm for darussalam at clementi. to meet up with kamal and izad for a discussion on a future project. so happens that Mr Ng my form teacher had to call me for me to hand in a superimportant document called the EOM by that day but he cldnt reach me obviously cus my sim was at home. so he called my dad (and how he got his number i duno) and so my dad said i wasnt at home and mr ng said i want in school either. since both thought that i was mentally and emotionally unstable the past few weeks due to promo-stress, my dad got my sim card and plugged it in and called the few random ppl he saw on my contact list. qiqi got called and was asked by dad whether i was with her. so she said no, and she called ben and valerie, and called wanchin to get alvin and denan numbers and called them. somehow the teachers in school got to know abt this and mr yeow and mr hon and mr wong chee choy got to know abt this. mr wong told qiqi to go arnd school and look at inconspicous places for a sign of a dead body. and mr yeow and mr hon almost went to pasir ris library to look for me. cmon man if i was suicidal i wldnt go to the library of all places to kill myself right. like what, read my lecture notes to death? altho that wldnt be impossible looking at the state of my education.

so apparently while i was blissfully ignorant outside without any means of communication, the ppl i mentioned were hectically calling everyone to ask where i was, and kept calling home to see if i had reached home until i reached at 11pm. my parents were worried sick and the teachers finally got some rest and qiqi din study at all the whole day thinking of me. when i reached home my parents asked me where ive been to and started scolding me.. i was kinda upset and due to all the built-up stress within me i started bawling like a small kid in front of mom and dad.

i swear it was the best feeling i had in years, crying like that. they asked me whether i had any problems in school and i let everything out.. i told them i wanted to go poly, and the, before this kinda detested my idea of changin school, finally relented. the only reason why i dun wanna is bcos i might not be able to accept my failure of going thru one yr in jC.. and finally i made up my mind, amidst tears and all, to shift to poly...

the next day, when i reached school, i saw mr ng calling me after assembly and we went straight to the conference room, and i sorta kena counselling by ms wong mei lin. they were bein nice, and adviced me not to regret my decision, that there are many jc students who went to poly and prospered, that my decision to go to poly wasnt becus im dumb or what but because the education system in jc doesnt suit my learning, that there is NO HURRY at all, so one extra yr doesnt kill, and theres no failure in going to poly, that it IS NOT one year wasted. i repeat IT IS NOT ONE YEAR WASTED.. i just took a bit longer to decide whether i shld try jc or poly. imagine if its december last yr right now, and i just got my O results and now im filling in the school applications.. so im just taking one year to decide. but only that right now i wont feel regretful if i go to poly mainly because i wont be wondering what jc is like because ive already felt what its like. so yah. and, im headed to university at poly thats all.

my friends all got to know abt the ruckus i made in school by diasppearing outta nowhere, and zul actually got approached by mr yeow and was asked whether lately ive been acting strange. zul got the idea that all the teachers thot i was suicidal. lol. even wong meilin wanted to know whether i wld slash my wrist and jump down as a last resort. i laughed at her face. SUICIDAL FAIZAL!?!? suicidal has never been an adjective attributed to me. ever. amidst all the tension i cld manage to let out a laugh at such ridiculous connotations these psychotic-paranoia-induced teachers associate me with. wthell.

dear readers. to tell you the truth, i haf cried more this week that in a whole year. when i told qiqi i was going to go poly, she texted me and said "i dun want anyone else in the exco". i cried that nite. the next day i was sleeping early, and i woke up at 2 am and cried more. i dunnoe whats gone into me. im so, unstable im going mad.. on friday i went to school, mr yeow saw me in the morning and asked me whether my decision was final.. and i did parade commanding at that time.. i thot it was the last time im gonna be parade commander so i did it my best.. while the college anthem was playing, qiqi hu was spotting me as parade commander started crying.. i saw her cry and i knew why.. and i almost broke down in front on the podium in front of the student population.. but i cldnt.. im a leader, and a leader doesnt show his weakness.. the next moment straight away after assembly i wanted to run away, but mr yeow called the council of 35 to gather and everyone saw qiq cry.. i was running away but mr yeow called me to the front, and the rest was kinda shock. they saw qiqi cry and they saw me got call to the front.. ppl started to get the wrong ideas.. but after explanation, mr yeow told the rest that ill be leaving council for poly, and soon after ppl start to ask me questions some punched me some just left some were sad some hugged me.. but it wasnt the last day of school yet.. i almost cried again..

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:49 PM:

for a fellow councillor and great friend: FAIZAL

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:50 PM:

council meeting!!

"oh yeah!" i tot...

so we gathered.. then i saw qi2 crying..

"huh? oh no... this is bad.. what did we do? stress her out? overwork? we did smthg horribly nightmarishly wrong and she noes but we dun?" i tot agn...

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:50 PM:

then mr yeow called faizal over...

"shit shit shit.. pa and sa heads noe smthg that we dun... we did smthg super horrible..."

then mr yeow dropped a gigantic bombshell... our darling pa head is going to poly..

i stunned...

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:50 PM:

>smthg which i shall skip...<

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:51 PM:

knew him as an ogl... as a RnE candidate-mate... then a fellow pre-u-sem bro whom i really could talk to... he nv failed to say nice things or make me smile when i am not happy... he knew the right words to say and always put things into clear perspectives...

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:52 PM:

my blog's private.. so u dun haf the link...

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:55 PM:

will miss you....

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:55 PM:

muacks!!


some wanted to throw a farewell party for me, some cried for me, some wrote testimonials for me..

i have fought for poly with my parents, with my teahcers and with my friends.. ive won over my folks and the teachers, but my friends i cant.

alvin in his blog:

"Well perhaps my day is not that good after all. I got the news today. Faizal is headed to poly next year. Im not upset. I long accustomed myself to the thought that we all have to seperate one day. Its the friendship that matters. The friendship that makes you say hi even if you had not seen a friend for 30 years. Friendship is not being together. If one forces to be together for the sake of friendship, it would destroy the lives of one party or both. That would defeat the purpose of friendship. We walk the journey of life on our own. We could be walking together in a row for a moment but in the next, the friend next to you may have a life path in a different direction. It would make no sense to force yourself to walk his path or force him to walk your path. The answer is to have faith. Have faith that one day, along this intertwined paths of lives, the paths of two friends may meet again, and you can walk together for that another moment. Live for the moment then.

Well what am I saying? The case is not as bad actually. Its not like Faizal is moving to pluto, leaving the realm of planets to the not so planety world. I still can meet him up whenever we have free time. Sure enough this would be minimal, but it is better than the life path scenario, where you enter a forest and cannot see your friends walking a path beyond the trees. Have faith, have faith that we will find time to meet. So my only hope, meet up more, and may the friendship never die.

Faizal is probably striving for his real interest in life. Getting the fulfilment in his life. A life of fulfilment is more important than a life of wealth and power. I hope I too can see the light to what i really want to do in life. How i really want to make a difference. But currently I cant, precisely why im in this pitstop called jc.

I should be happy for Faizal. Which was why i wasn upset. But I still want to talk to him. Sigh. Later perhaps. "

as i read all these, i just cant help but get all sobby.. the many times we've had, council, the thick and thins, my members, classmates, junkwang haniff yisen yu quan jian rong.. bunch of fucked up bastards, nonetheless my brothers for a year.. alot of ppl started to sway me form thinking abt poly.. some din even show that their sad.. shiqi din even talk to me or what but chuilaam told me she got a message from shiqi that im going off.. some even threatened me.. zul relentlessly started to list all the negative things abt poly, nadira.. sigh..

ben says in his blog..

"anyway, about the sad news.it is sad when one of your close friends has to come to a stop instead of walking with you in life. i and him, we didn't get off from a good start. but a short simple hello at macdonalds' changed that. after then, we managed to exchanged handphone numbers and email addresses. through these means, we got to know each other better and grew comfortable with each other. comfortable as in, we could say hi and bye easily, we could have a conversation without feeling wierd.

soon after, we ran for council, and he became my department's head. he was a good leader who took notice of even the minute detail. but it did not stop there. he was a good friend too, one who was there when i was feeling down. in fact, he was always there for any of us.

however, every beginning has to have an end. he has to leave us to pursuit his other dreams. but we understand that he has reasons. and personally from me to him, i'll miss him dearly. both the friendship and the leadership that he has shown. he may not be leaving now, but the news has already made its impact on all of us.

faizal. take care."

i dun wanna think abt all this animore.. some adviced me that i shouldnt be too nice.. be selfish.. cus going to poly is my education, my future, if all i think abt is my friends and staying in mj for the sake of friends, no one will bother abt me cus they have their own future to decide, and i gotta decide on my own as well.. moreover, even if i stay we're gonna part aniwaes after second year.. and all go on different paths to uni/ns/die. then again..


dear kids. im gonna miss you. the very thot that there will be 34, and not 35 left in council, and not steping down together with all of you is hurtful.. the idea of leaving all my duties and responsibilities as a head of departement sucks.. the thot of not even planning orientation with julian sucks alott, the thot of leaving all my friends, the council family, my classmates.. sucks big time. but i wish i can come back after a year from now and say that im doing well in poly.


CLASSMATESHIP and COUNCILHOOD MAY END. BUT FRIENDSHIP NEVER.

i gotta learn to accept the decision, and put my head into my future in poly. i will still study for my promos, and even if i get say quite decent marks i might still reconsider, but dun count on that.. my life i decide.. thanks guys for being the friends i always had and will have, for the support for all the thick and thin we went thru. we'll still meet up yeah!







3:16 PM
burn! - 'cus the lovers of God are ablaze.
_______________Guidaci Sulla Retta Via 1:6_______________

thur 140906

met up with kamal, feedza and ita, my itqanian friends! ahahks, since ita was schoolin late and feedza finishes work only 6 plus, met up with kamal earlier at 4 plus after school. met up at al falah mosk.. (weird, the three times i met him ever we happen to meet at a mosk.) lol.. after prayers we hop along to cine and slacked at the cafe, talking and wasting our life away, played XBox there, and we had the time of our lives. met up with feedza and ita soon after, and we sorta prayed ate and went to watch the host at cine. darn good movie. darn good.

fri 150906

was TOT day. training of trainers.. cus the next day was noobie's orientation at fityan ghufran. ahahks had fun especially with the games that we tried out. there was this segment which i particularly find very meaningful. it was whereby groupmates stand in a line, from oldest to youngest and everyone is to have a family name. like the oldest "1st brother", second oldest "2nd brother" and all. and the eldest of the family will go down the row and feed a raisin each into the mouth of his 'brothers' and shake his hand and ask his nickname, and hug him, everyone does that. it was quite significant, especially good in team-building and ice breakers. saw a few old friends whom i long time never see.. hasanah liyana raudhah and all.. helfy zikry rashid hamzah. cool cool.

sat 160906

was another fun day. ran orientation at mosk, and the turnout rate wasnt bad. there were almost 20 noobies pax and it was cool. this time round the event went on without muchofa hiccups. somewhere in the afternoon i hopped along ot the open field next to TM and helped out the RYC ppl with a few logistics things as they prepared and set up the stuff for next day's big event. met jannah and nadia there.. cool cool.

sun 170906

RYC launch. was quite a hectic day. the fityan ghufran were in charge of balloon making, so i helped those gurls as we pumped helium into balloons. cool cool. one great thing was that three of my worlds merged there. the fmsa ppl were there. the itqan ppl were there and the fityan ppl were there. it was like a mini union of the muslim youths around singapore-ish. kinda. there were saff ppl, darussalam ppl and istighfar ppl there too, amidst many. i love that day. after a whole day of stuffs, me nadiah and jannah and nasrin went off to eat at the new york pizza. nice day.

2:13 PM
burn! - 'cus the lovers of God are ablaze.
_______________Guidaci Sulla Retta Via 1:6_______________

i was chosen among twelve new members to be part of the fityan ghufran committee. as a co-leader, i am to assist my excos in running the department that we are posted into. congratulations to the rest, tho we dun very much know where to be posted as of now.

on friday i met up with bro shafiq. the funny part is, i just met shafiq barely twice or thrice and we agreed to meet up for study. that i guess is the power of ukhuwah? i haf yet to know.. but we agreed to meet at library@orchard for certain forseeable circumstances *winks at shafiq* (miss library at orchard wasn't there, AH! grr.).. mug abit talk abit mug abit talk more, then came noon, scooted along to al-falah for congregation, and all praise the Lord the sermon was in english la. XD both shafiq and i did a little whoop in the air for the english sermon. lol. mugged abit more after that, met feedza mek at kinokuniya two floors below at taka where she has just started working. i acted as a customer when i approached her in the queue at the counter, and i picked up a book and complained to her like, "why is the package torn and not replaced? what kind of a service is this? cant any of you people do something?" ahahks and she just gave me that 'omygawd-faizal-im-gonna-kill-you-but-i-cant-because-youre-the-customer-and-im-the-counter-gurl-so-yeah' kindof look. funny la! ahahks haf fun workin there sista!

after 3 shafiq and i decided to call it a day, and i took the train to khatib with him and i took 969 to tamp where liyana and raudah were. while waiting for the meeting at ghufran, we met up and ate. and we had the time of our lives, talking and luffing and making fools of ourselfves at the restaurant. ppl were looking laa! so embarrassing. the waitress took like fifteen minutes to come to our table, and by that time i was along with the gurls taking a fork and spoon and banging the table with our fists and the utensils in our fists, shouting, "we want food" and some food chant. lol. makan abit, and off we scooted to ghufran.

the meeting cool. met up with more ppl which i hope attended. like bro hilmi! ahahks long time never see him, altho just met him within the week but we din talk much then. missd that ole guy. there was aishah oso, and yeah she kinda adviced me a bit. u go gurl, rawk on sis aishah. last but not least. hasanah. missed them alll alot. of course the meeting ahd more ppl la.. like abt15.. so yeah.

finally we decided a few stuff, and this comin friday there will be a TOT (training for trainers) after congregation, and saturday the actual event itself, an orientation for noobies. its gonna be fun!

sunday went swimmin. after meeting up with bro we swim, i blew more bubbles, learnt to swim more.. aahhks. eh thanks eh bro! you be my swim coach or sth. XD soon after went to fmsa. were havin BGM (biannual general meeting)

one thing abt me deciding to go there was that it took me lots of thinking to go. mainly because i dun wanna get involved so actively as of now. im still muggin, and that it was sunday and i still havent complete alot of work.

but on retrospect, i thank thank thank God i went for that meeting. one thing was, there was elections of new members into the exco. ashraf was elected second VP! cool ah! congrats bro! woohoo! i was made exco member.

that wasnt the point. the thing is, i met three very wonderful kids. acap and psyfool been talkin abt them sooo much but i haf yet to get to know them. finally i met up, and i was caught off guard. why? they rawk. nadiah - haf heard of her alot, and that psyful been telling her abt me. so we knew each other before meeting up lol. kinda. then i sorta went to her blog ocne a while, but din noe her yet. then finally came sunday, and i just gotta noe her. we clicked well! i love them allofasudden. lol. gee. then there was jannah, nadiah's bestfriend. damn cute la this gurl, especially when she luffed. ahahks, ANDDDD we have almost the same blogksin layout! ahahks, ANNND she lives at tamp! so now i gt frienf to go fmsa!!! finally but of course not leastly theres omar. shafiq and maya told me abt him before, so did acap and psyful. you know, passing remarks.. but got to know him. cool dood, nice pants (or skirt XD) and yeah looking forward to seeing allof em again!

we went around after fmsa's BGM, went to national library, crapped abit, then went off to SMU nearby where nadia schools at, and off we scooted to banquet at raffles hospital. talked more crap there luffed alot, and ate.. and we soon departed off for home..

i realised that after all the opportunities to work in the executive committees of council, fityan ghufran and fmsa, God really wants to give me the chance to serve. i almost forfeited my post as exco at fmsa, tho i dun really know what the job entails yet, mainly because i have more in my hands than i can cope with. after much pondering, i dun want to give it all up. this is God Almighty's Bestowal upon a lowly servant of His, and this humble servant of God will heed His Calling. All sort of obstacles i will overcome, and i will make the best out of this rare opportunities granted to me. remember, the Power to change the world lies in our hands.

But dear readers, the greatest of all bestowal upon me granted in the last few days, was not that of power, committee membership, nor was it the recognition of one's capabilities. This bestowment far supercedes all sort of blessing God has granted me, and in my daily prayers as i prostate myself upon God's earth, asking Him for Guidance and Love, the very first thing I pray for, the very first thing above them all, is,

"Oh Lord my Saviour the Cherisher of Life, I beseech you to evermore enstrength the hearts of mine and that of my Brethren, make the bonds between us brothers tighter, never make any of us go astray. Make me closer in mind, in spirit in faith and in love oh Allah, to my brothers in Islam, my friends at mosque and everywhere else, for with this unity comes strength, and the power to resurrect the Glory of Islam once again, as it did in the early years of Muhammad's prophethood. Oh Allah, make me closer to them, whom i see as beacons of light in my life, as we together tread upon the path of Journey to You. Ameen."

for this prayer is my most treasured one, aside from the prayer for my parents and happiness in this world and the hereafter. This one, i keep close to my heart.

For the best of all blessings, the most precious of all bestowals, is that one of Friends.

Thank You, God, for giving me the best of friends to me in this life. Thank You.

I love my friends.



i love my friends.

4:18 PM
burn! - 'cus the lovers of God are ablaze.
_______________Guidaci Sulla Retta Via 1:6_______________

The power to change the world lies in our hands.

who ever told hitler he could do that?

no one told gandhi he could do that too.

but they believed.

and they realised.

and they conquered, each in their own way.

though hitler conquered the land,

gandhi conquered a million hearts.

jesus, moses, muhammad, conquered a billion souls.

the world needs superman.

and in each of us lie the spirit of one.

we dont have to fight for world peace to make a difference.

it's the many little things we do that matter first.

like helping those in need, stopping discrimination in class, and making one's day.

oh yes who said you cant do that?

then take a step forward.

do volunteer works, do outreach and do heartfelts.

they need u.

the world needs u.

do know that we can make a difference.

start with the small things.

then embark on a journey..

.. of self-improvement

.. of self-sacrifice

of soul.

touch the hearts of men.

be inspired,

and then inspire others.

anything can happen.

when you believe.

realise that.

we live once, so hit the world with it.

for the power to change the world lies in our hands.

but little did we know.

my men, now rise.

12:05 PM
burn! - 'cus the lovers of God are ablaze.
_______________Guidaci Sulla Retta Via 1:6_______________

i feel guilty.

nowadays half the time i mourn over my fate.

studies school promos and all the stress.

what is this???

Is it even worthy of the concern that im putting in?

when our brothers and sisters are dying, tortured and killed at the hands of the devils in iraq, palestine and other parts of the world?

who then will stand up for them?

when there are ppl who are sole breadwinners and haf lost their ability to walk to a traffic accident has a family to support?

who then will support them?

when there are kids who have lost their parents in a disaster and all they haf now is the orphanage?

who then will help them?

when kids eat off the ground when food crumbles before them in afghanistan?

who then will see them live another day?

when my own brothers and sisters are discriminated and segregated, accused of terror and crimes they would never have thought of committing, suspected and sentenced to imprisonment?

who then has the courage to fight for the truth?

when there is a whole world to save?

who then will?

not Bush. not the UN. not Gandhi ...well he's dead aniwae.

not Tom not Mary not Susan.

THEN WHO?





i feel so guilty.

all of a sudden all my worries seem to have shrunk.

all that fear about promos and mugging become like a nonentity.




if all we care about is ourselves, too consumed with our own concerns and worries, think again.

wake up people! if school is ALL we ever think about, there is SOMETHING seriously wrong here.

i feel guilty.

don't you?




who will?

12:13 AM
burn! - 'cus the lovers of God are ablaze.
_______________Guidaci Sulla Retta Via 1:6_______________

Never for once did i feel this insecure, uncertain and hopeless in life. I am clueless, dear blog, at this very dilemmetic and unprecedented moment in life. At retrospective glance, ive always seen myself predicting my life and setting my destiny alongside the influence of a great power that determines everything. At PSLE i already got the hint i was making it for the school i want. I already knew my estimated L1R5 at O levels and got into the school i wanted (at that time i din realise what a hellhole MJ was) and I already kinda knew I wld get into the Students' Council even before results were out.

4 weeks to promos and i feel so so torn and clueless im like a child who's lost his mom in the middle of a shopping mall. I feel like crying, i feel lost i feel.. that whatever happens to me dusnt matter no more.

Why so, u'd ask? The thing about JC is everyone thinks that if they mug hard enuff they wld make it to year two. already the principal announced this year's expected retention rate (or more like school kickout rate) was 61%, and i AM in that percent. I duno why.. the teachers kept saying Faizal perservere hold on its just a short two years dun give up yada here yada there blah blah blah.. You've got the potential and smart enuff to ask questions in class.. loada bullshit if u asked me. Honestly i know what the subject is telling me.. like for instance reverse transcription codes ribonucleic acid to deoxyribonucleic acid by the enzyme reverse transcriptase and that the graph for social benefits and private benefits diverge becus with a marginal addition of quantity of goods there is an accumulative effect on the +ve/-ve externality present...

then why am i failing my tests?

its because we are brainfed and forced to swallow whallops of info and facts into our brains sometimes it struck us students that what we are doing are all for the sake of a bloody piece of cert at the end of the two years. then what relevance does knowing what enzyme reverse transcribe RNA to DNA and the graphs of market failures got to do with my future? do they even shit link back to my ambition or career? say i wanna be a video game seller for instance or for gawds sake sure does knowing what happens in your sperm cell help you boost sales for the latest gundam game series.

knowledge and the thirst of it has always been what that keeps me wanting to know more, read up more and ask more when i was a child. the fact that such and such works like that or so and so died at what age and did what in the world war II kept the fire that feeds on knowledge burn bright and ferocious within me. such fire kept my world sunny and beautiful, always eager to look forward to everything for the sake of wanting to know more more more..

the fire has died.

in its place is a big gaping hole that sucks in all the facts and let it rot inside, lost in the darkness of irrelevance and uncertainty.

i mug and i mug and i mug, and what i get is inconfidence upon inconfidence, questions against questions and insecurity and doubtfulness.

one optimistic part of me says: "WAKE UP FAIZAL YOU KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS AND NO ONE ELSE CAN PUSH YOU OUTTA THIS SHIT BUT YOU SO PICK UP YOUR BUTT AND PULL UP UR SOCKS AND START MUGGING YOUR ASS TOWARDS YEAR TWO!"

whereas the other pessimistic part looks at the optmistic part of me, keeps silent and shakes his head with a sly smile on his face, thinking all is for nought and all the efforts will be in vain.

the optimist is the one that drives me to study. the pessimist makes me dream of what to wear for poly next year.

Mom said, if i dun make it, i wont go poly. so i asked, where then? ITE? she said, be a noje at mesjed sudah. i was like, FOR REAL!? alright ah!

all my life i wanna get out of this education system shyte for the sake of getting onto humanitarian efforts and be a social worker. i dun mind working as a clerk for FMSA if i cant go poly you know. i seriously dun mind. mom asked me to study at pergas full time while workin. i seriously dun think she was joking. but hells, i really dun mind that u know. imagine, "Faizal the fallout kid. the school dropout. the loser. ouhh the l-o-s-e-r.." i can luff at that anytime. but i seriously starting ta feel its gonna be true one day..

one motivation that i keep on muggin despite all the OBVIOUS SIGNS IM GONNA FAIL IN THE END SO WHATEVER LA AH!? is that if i mug enuff i can take social work or psychology in NUS and be a good in my field of volunteerism and humanitarianism. yeah.

then again.. there are other ways of doing so. like be a noje at mejed for instance.




TO PROMOTE OR NOT TO PROMOTE?

pray fer me yall, that whatever decision is made for me let it be the best of decisions.. cus maybe hu knows getting into year two is not any better than going poly or be noje at mjd.. hu noes.. so pray for the best of fate for me guys, you know the prayers of friends get their way thru to the Throne of God easier than anything else.. help me guys..

torn, hopeless, uncertain, clueless, twisted.

let there be fire.

11:25 PM
burn! - 'cus the lovers of God are ablaze.
_______________Guidaci Sulla Retta Via 1:6_______________

- trained real hard for Teacher's Day Dance, to the tunes of Yeah by Usher

- on Teacher's Day it paid off, really.

- nite before teacher's day reached home at 10, talked to Kamal on fone from 11 pm to 6 in the morn. din sleep at all. flaggd a cab at 6 and took in shiqi zul and michelle along the way to school.

- on teacher's day was happy to meet up with the rest of the fourvee kidds but wasnt feeling too well

- right now im internally fighting between the drive to mug my head off and the urge to let things go and wait for poly to begin next year.

- i wanna get back to mosk asap. im missing the ppl at fityan at fmsa and all the bros and sisters.

- tho i met up with Mohksin at tamp this morning. saturday morning when everyone's sleeping we met up at ran 8 rounds around the stadium tracks, he did 9. went swimming and i learnt to swim today. blew bubbles. fun. visited a mohk's friend at changi hospital cus he met accident. God bless him and ease his recovery.

- watched Devil Wears Prada with Zul and the rest.

- today spent 9 hours making this blogskin.

i wanna be free again. i miss all my friends. i miss you all alot.

12:44 AM
burn! - 'cus the lovers of God are ablaze.
_______________Guidaci Sulla Retta Via 1:6_______________