"if there were any reason at all, any, for me to still stay in MJ, it would be you. but sorry guys, i have to take my leave.."

here onwards, begins the story of the end.

yes, im smart. yah im talented. yes ive got potential. so what? so what if all the teachers said that? i dun even think or believe its true, like what the hell. im furious.. i cant seem to get things in my head. my style for learning is not JC.. i cant be forced info into my brains.. even if i were to stay i wld change to the arts stream.. what a big mistake.. even if i wanna do A levels i wld change to other JC.. but i cant, and i wanna pursue my dreams.. no one said going to poly is bad.. i can answer everything in class, great at my GP and good at smoking away in the papers.. but i am not motivated to continue at all.. its reaching the end, and true i shouldnt give up, but theres very little i haf left to do.. here begins the story, of the end.

yeah true i had been thinking it thru and thru. but what started the whole thing was one fateful day in september, wednesday 200906. i left my sim card at home, and so happens that i left school straightaway when my day ended at 1255pm for darussalam at clementi. to meet up with kamal and izad for a discussion on a future project. so happens that Mr Ng my form teacher had to call me for me to hand in a superimportant document called the EOM by that day but he cldnt reach me obviously cus my sim was at home. so he called my dad (and how he got his number i duno) and so my dad said i wasnt at home and mr ng said i want in school either. since both thought that i was mentally and emotionally unstable the past few weeks due to promo-stress, my dad got my sim card and plugged it in and called the few random ppl he saw on my contact list. qiqi got called and was asked by dad whether i was with her. so she said no, and she called ben and valerie, and called wanchin to get alvin and denan numbers and called them. somehow the teachers in school got to know abt this and mr yeow and mr hon and mr wong chee choy got to know abt this. mr wong told qiqi to go arnd school and look at inconspicous places for a sign of a dead body. and mr yeow and mr hon almost went to pasir ris library to look for me. cmon man if i was suicidal i wldnt go to the library of all places to kill myself right. like what, read my lecture notes to death? altho that wldnt be impossible looking at the state of my education.

so apparently while i was blissfully ignorant outside without any means of communication, the ppl i mentioned were hectically calling everyone to ask where i was, and kept calling home to see if i had reached home until i reached at 11pm. my parents were worried sick and the teachers finally got some rest and qiqi din study at all the whole day thinking of me. when i reached home my parents asked me where ive been to and started scolding me.. i was kinda upset and due to all the built-up stress within me i started bawling like a small kid in front of mom and dad.

i swear it was the best feeling i had in years, crying like that. they asked me whether i had any problems in school and i let everything out.. i told them i wanted to go poly, and the, before this kinda detested my idea of changin school, finally relented. the only reason why i dun wanna is bcos i might not be able to accept my failure of going thru one yr in jC.. and finally i made up my mind, amidst tears and all, to shift to poly...

the next day, when i reached school, i saw mr ng calling me after assembly and we went straight to the conference room, and i sorta kena counselling by ms wong mei lin. they were bein nice, and adviced me not to regret my decision, that there are many jc students who went to poly and prospered, that my decision to go to poly wasnt becus im dumb or what but because the education system in jc doesnt suit my learning, that there is NO HURRY at all, so one extra yr doesnt kill, and theres no failure in going to poly, that it IS NOT one year wasted. i repeat IT IS NOT ONE YEAR WASTED.. i just took a bit longer to decide whether i shld try jc or poly. imagine if its december last yr right now, and i just got my O results and now im filling in the school applications.. so im just taking one year to decide. but only that right now i wont feel regretful if i go to poly mainly because i wont be wondering what jc is like because ive already felt what its like. so yah. and, im headed to university at poly thats all.

my friends all got to know abt the ruckus i made in school by diasppearing outta nowhere, and zul actually got approached by mr yeow and was asked whether lately ive been acting strange. zul got the idea that all the teachers thot i was suicidal. lol. even wong meilin wanted to know whether i wld slash my wrist and jump down as a last resort. i laughed at her face. SUICIDAL FAIZAL!?!? suicidal has never been an adjective attributed to me. ever. amidst all the tension i cld manage to let out a laugh at such ridiculous connotations these psychotic-paranoia-induced teachers associate me with. wthell.

dear readers. to tell you the truth, i haf cried more this week that in a whole year. when i told qiqi i was going to go poly, she texted me and said "i dun want anyone else in the exco". i cried that nite. the next day i was sleeping early, and i woke up at 2 am and cried more. i dunnoe whats gone into me. im so, unstable im going mad.. on friday i went to school, mr yeow saw me in the morning and asked me whether my decision was final.. and i did parade commanding at that time.. i thot it was the last time im gonna be parade commander so i did it my best.. while the college anthem was playing, qiqi hu was spotting me as parade commander started crying.. i saw her cry and i knew why.. and i almost broke down in front on the podium in front of the student population.. but i cldnt.. im a leader, and a leader doesnt show his weakness.. the next moment straight away after assembly i wanted to run away, but mr yeow called the council of 35 to gather and everyone saw qiq cry.. i was running away but mr yeow called me to the front, and the rest was kinda shock. they saw qiqi cry and they saw me got call to the front.. ppl started to get the wrong ideas.. but after explanation, mr yeow told the rest that ill be leaving council for poly, and soon after ppl start to ask me questions some punched me some just left some were sad some hugged me.. but it wasnt the last day of school yet.. i almost cried again..

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:49 PM:

for a fellow councillor and great friend: FAIZAL

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:50 PM:

council meeting!!

"oh yeah!" i tot...

so we gathered.. then i saw qi2 crying..

"huh? oh no... this is bad.. what did we do? stress her out? overwork? we did smthg horribly nightmarishly wrong and she noes but we dun?" i tot agn...

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:50 PM:

then mr yeow called faizal over...

"shit shit shit.. pa and sa heads noe smthg that we dun... we did smthg super horrible..."

then mr yeow dropped a gigantic bombshell... our darling pa head is going to poly..

i stunned...

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:50 PM:

>smthg which i shall skip...<

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:51 PM:

knew him as an ogl... as a RnE candidate-mate... then a fellow pre-u-sem bro whom i really could talk to... he nv failed to say nice things or make me smile when i am not happy... he knew the right words to say and always put things into clear perspectives...

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:52 PM:

my blog's private.. so u dun haf the link...

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:55 PM:

will miss you....

taky: throw me into a world which is my territory... and i will perform like you hav never seen... sent 9/22/2006 10:55 PM:

muacks!!


some wanted to throw a farewell party for me, some cried for me, some wrote testimonials for me..

i have fought for poly with my parents, with my teahcers and with my friends.. ive won over my folks and the teachers, but my friends i cant.

alvin in his blog:

"Well perhaps my day is not that good after all. I got the news today. Faizal is headed to poly next year. Im not upset. I long accustomed myself to the thought that we all have to seperate one day. Its the friendship that matters. The friendship that makes you say hi even if you had not seen a friend for 30 years. Friendship is not being together. If one forces to be together for the sake of friendship, it would destroy the lives of one party or both. That would defeat the purpose of friendship. We walk the journey of life on our own. We could be walking together in a row for a moment but in the next, the friend next to you may have a life path in a different direction. It would make no sense to force yourself to walk his path or force him to walk your path. The answer is to have faith. Have faith that one day, along this intertwined paths of lives, the paths of two friends may meet again, and you can walk together for that another moment. Live for the moment then.

Well what am I saying? The case is not as bad actually. Its not like Faizal is moving to pluto, leaving the realm of planets to the not so planety world. I still can meet him up whenever we have free time. Sure enough this would be minimal, but it is better than the life path scenario, where you enter a forest and cannot see your friends walking a path beyond the trees. Have faith, have faith that we will find time to meet. So my only hope, meet up more, and may the friendship never die.

Faizal is probably striving for his real interest in life. Getting the fulfilment in his life. A life of fulfilment is more important than a life of wealth and power. I hope I too can see the light to what i really want to do in life. How i really want to make a difference. But currently I cant, precisely why im in this pitstop called jc.

I should be happy for Faizal. Which was why i wasn upset. But I still want to talk to him. Sigh. Later perhaps. "

as i read all these, i just cant help but get all sobby.. the many times we've had, council, the thick and thins, my members, classmates, junkwang haniff yisen yu quan jian rong.. bunch of fucked up bastards, nonetheless my brothers for a year.. alot of ppl started to sway me form thinking abt poly.. some din even show that their sad.. shiqi din even talk to me or what but chuilaam told me she got a message from shiqi that im going off.. some even threatened me.. zul relentlessly started to list all the negative things abt poly, nadira.. sigh..

ben says in his blog..

"anyway, about the sad news.it is sad when one of your close friends has to come to a stop instead of walking with you in life. i and him, we didn't get off from a good start. but a short simple hello at macdonalds' changed that. after then, we managed to exchanged handphone numbers and email addresses. through these means, we got to know each other better and grew comfortable with each other. comfortable as in, we could say hi and bye easily, we could have a conversation without feeling wierd.

soon after, we ran for council, and he became my department's head. he was a good leader who took notice of even the minute detail. but it did not stop there. he was a good friend too, one who was there when i was feeling down. in fact, he was always there for any of us.

however, every beginning has to have an end. he has to leave us to pursuit his other dreams. but we understand that he has reasons. and personally from me to him, i'll miss him dearly. both the friendship and the leadership that he has shown. he may not be leaving now, but the news has already made its impact on all of us.

faizal. take care."

i dun wanna think abt all this animore.. some adviced me that i shouldnt be too nice.. be selfish.. cus going to poly is my education, my future, if all i think abt is my friends and staying in mj for the sake of friends, no one will bother abt me cus they have their own future to decide, and i gotta decide on my own as well.. moreover, even if i stay we're gonna part aniwaes after second year.. and all go on different paths to uni/ns/die. then again..


dear kids. im gonna miss you. the very thot that there will be 34, and not 35 left in council, and not steping down together with all of you is hurtful.. the idea of leaving all my duties and responsibilities as a head of departement sucks.. the thot of not even planning orientation with julian sucks alott, the thot of leaving all my friends, the council family, my classmates.. sucks big time. but i wish i can come back after a year from now and say that im doing well in poly.


CLASSMATESHIP and COUNCILHOOD MAY END. BUT FRIENDSHIP NEVER.

i gotta learn to accept the decision, and put my head into my future in poly. i will still study for my promos, and even if i get say quite decent marks i might still reconsider, but dun count on that.. my life i decide.. thanks guys for being the friends i always had and will have, for the support for all the thick and thin we went thru. we'll still meet up yeah!







3:16 PM
burn! - 'cus the lovers of God are ablaze.
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